


I can feel you falling next to me

by BreakfastWithLu



Series: hxh group chat? more like hxh group therapy [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming of Age, Established Relationship, Fluff, Found Family, Friendship, Group chat, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Sexual Assault, Texting, general trauma talk, mentions of self harm, they get therapy the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 45,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25322404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreakfastWithLu/pseuds/BreakfastWithLu
Summary: Kurapika: You made your boyfriend cry killua, how heartless are youKillua: KURAPIAJHSHSJDGon: I’m still crying leorio come console meLeorio: You’re a Taurus I know your ass is not crying over this right nowFanfiction embodiment of staying up late at night texting a good friend about you biggest hopes, and greatest fears. This is the second part of my chatfic series but it could be read without reading the first part, however some inside jokes/mentions of past events might not make sense.
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Series: hxh group chat? more like hxh group therapy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1834126
Comments: 259
Kudos: 567





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO welcome to part 2! I couldn't keep myself from writing more, so here we are. Same general world stuff as the last fic, but this takes place a few months after the first part of hxh group therapy.  
> I keep ending up writing angst so strap in these coming chapters aren't as fun as last time... I will try to go into more depth of the mental/emotional issues the main four face in this. Maybe give kurapika some more love than last time.... hehehhe  
> You can follow me @ Disastergaykillua on tumblr <3  
> As always, thanks for reading, enjoy!

**Killua - > to -> fearsome foursome**

> Killua: so today gon and I went on a hike together 
> 
> Killua: was suppose to be like a cute date idea (my cute date idea)
> 
> Killua: but apparently I made the mistake of forgetting Gon is not normal and he took me to the river and immediately went into it and was like “watch me catch a fish with my bare hands” 
> 
> Killua: and he did 
> 
> Killua: and then he handed me the fish 
> 
> Kurapika: What happened to it 
> 
> Killua: I THREW IT BACK IN THE RIVER WHY WOULD I NEED A FISH FOR 
> 
> Gon: IT WAS COOL THOUGH RIGHT 
> 
> Gon: come on killua I just grabbed the fish straight out of the river it was cool 
> 
> Gon: ADMIT IT 
> 
> Gon: also killua you're not normal either you had me teach you how to do it immediately after 
> 
> Gon: lowkey still upset it took him one (1) try >:(
> 
> Leorio: Gon you kinda suck at this whole dating thing 
> 
> Killua: as much as it pains me to say this imma have to agree with leorio
> 
> Killua: also I will not admit your idea of impressing me is catching a fish with your bare hands and giving it to me like it’s a BOUQUET OF FLOWERS OR SOMETHING is cool 
> 
> Gon: I thought it was cool 
> 
> Gon: :( 
> 
> Killua: don’t make that face at me 
> 
> Gon: :,( 
> 
> Killua: Gon. 
> 
> Gon: I’m crying now look at what you did 
> 
> Kurapika: You made your boyfriend cry killua, how heartless are you 
> 
> Killua: KURAPIAJHSHSJD 
> 
> Gon: I’m still crying leorio come consol me 
> 
> Leorio: You’re a Taurus I know your ass is not crying over this right now 
> 
> Gon: no I’m crying real tears 
> 
> Killua: fine it was a little cool 
> 
> Gon: :D 
> 
> Killua: only a little tho 
> 
> Leorio: Ah young love 
> 
> Kurapika: want me to catch a fish for you leorio 
> 
> Leorio: no I’m okay thank you for the offer I’d rather you CATCH SOME SLEEP
> 
> Kurapika: no :) 
> 
> Gon: KURAPIKA GO TO SLEEP CHALLENGE 
> 
> Kurapika: No. 
> 
> Killua: stop setting a bad example for gon 
> 
> Leorio: Killua stop making good arguments I don’t want to agree with you
> 
> Killua: too bad I’m right all the time anyway 
> 
> Kurapika: Okay but give me one (1) reason I am a bad influence on Gon 
> 
> Killua: he drinks black coffee like you now 
> 
> Leorio: JESUS CHRIST KURAPIKA HOW COULD YOU
> 
> Gon: HDJDKNDNDND ITS NOT MY FAULT IT TASTES GOOD
> 
> Gon: U JUST HAVE THE TASTE BUDS OF A SEVEN YEAR OLD DONT TAKE IT OUT ON ME KIKI 
> 
> Killua: I was an assassin don’t speak to me like that taht is slander 
> 
> Gon: key word: was 
> 
> Gon: now you spend half your time doing puzzles with alluka and remember that one time 
> 
> Killua: don’t you dare bring that one time up 
> 
> Killua: we don’t talk about it 
> 
> Gon: I rest my case 
> 
> Gon: don’t act tough if you can’t back it up Kiki :) 
> 
> Leorio: Wait no this isn’t fair you need to tell us what that one time is 
> 
> Leorio: Please Gon 
> 
> Killua: please do not Gon 
> 
> Gon: don’t worry Kiki I won’t <3 
> 
> Killua: thank you 
> 
> Gon: I will save it for another day :) 
> 
> Killua: I TAKE IT BACK 
> 
> Leorio: TELL US 
> 
> Killua: fine you know what
> 
> Killua: I’m gonna own up to it 
> 
> Killua: I WAS DOING SUDOKU 
> 
> Leorio: I- 
> 
> Leorio: Like for fun 
> 
> Killua: yes. 
> 
> Kurapika: That is nothing to be ashamed of killua, I too enjoy a good game of sudoku 
> 
> Killua: THAT MAKES ME FEEL WORST ahhsjdjdjd
> 
> Gon: it’s okay killua you can be yourself around us 
> 
> Gon: I still love you even though you like lame puzzles <3 
> 
> Killua: SHJDKDKD STOP 
> 
> Gon: I am sapiosexual don’t worry Kiki 
> 
> Leorio: HHSJDJDD HOW DID YOU EVEN LEARN THAT WORD 
> 
> Gon: kurapika taught me it :-) 
> 
> Leorio: KURAPIKA STOP KURA-RUPTING HIM 
> 
> Gon: HEJODKDNDJDNJDD THAT WAS SO GOOD LEORIO I AM ALUGHING 
> 
> Killua: he is laughing I can hear him laughing in the bathroom 
> 
> Killua: how long you gonna be on the toilet btw hurry up alluka needs to go 
> 
> Leorio: GON R U POOPInG RN AS WE TEXT 
> 
> Gon: JYTSAYVUHJOIGYHJKOA poop HGBJNKFGHJ AHHAHHAA
> 
> Gon:I’m not EVEN on the toilet!! Doin something else :)
> 
> Killua: whatcha mean by that 
> 
> Gon: :)
> 
> Kurapika: NO GON STOP WHEN I SAID IT WAS A GOOD IDEA I WAS KIDDING 
> 
> Leorio: Excuse me. 
> 
> Killua: WHAT 
> 
> Gon: I’m going to shave my head :D
> 
> Killua: NOSJSJDJDJD 
> 
> Leorio: Oh no killua hurry go save him 
> 
> Leorio: KURAPIKA WHY DID YOU ENCOURAGE THAT 
> 
> Kurapika: I WAS KIDDING 
> 
> Leorio: YOU AND I BOTH KNOW YOURE DRY AS FUCK AT TEXTING 
> 
> Kurapika: Shdjjdnd IM SORRY SHSJDJBD 
> 
> Leorio: Your aries really popped out huh 
> 
> Kurapika: Yeah…… 
> 
> Killua: okay I stopped him 
> 
> Killua: I am now sitting on him so he stops moving 
> 
> Leorio: tmi killua 
> 
> Killua: SHUT UP LEORIO 
> 
> Killua: Nanika and Alluka say hi they are laughing at him thought you should know
> 
> Leorio: tell them I love them 
> 
> Killua: I did they said cool thanks
> 
> Leorio: NO THEY DDIDNYSHDJJD 
> 
> Killua: Gon said to tell you that he is also thinking about bleaching his hair 
> 
> Leorio: I’m sorry did you guys break up why does he want to mess with his hair this badly 
> 
> Kurapika: DID THEY BREAK UP LOL LEORIO 
> 
> Killua: no we didn’t break up THOUGH if he keeps this up...
> 
> Leorio: Ask him why 
> 
> Killua: ok demanding much leorio sheesh 
> 
> Killua: he said for fun 
> 
> Killua: but you’re right I’m sure there’s another real reason 
> 
> Leorio: Ask him that 
> 
> Killua: ok 
> 
> Kurapika: You guys are just interrogating him LEAVE HIM ALONE
> 
> Leorio: We are water signs 
> 
> Killua: there is no real reason he is just bored and stupid and impulsive the end 

* * *

**Killua - > to -> Gon **

> Killua: are you still up 
> 
> Gon: yes whats wrong 
> 
> Killua: howd ya know something was wrong 
> 
> Gon: felt it 
> 
> Killua: whatcha mean 
> 
> Gon: Idk I just woke up suddenly and was like hm is killua okay 
> 
> Killua: wait what when did you wake up 
> 
> Gon: LITERALLY RIGHT BEFORE YOU TEXTED ME 
> 
> Killua: thats kinda freaky… 
> 
> Gon: okay our telepathic bond aside whats wrong 
> 
> Killua: right. so
> 
> Killua: I just had a nightmare that you and I were in the woods and for some reason a racoon was attacking us and you watched me kill it with my claws and then I was covered in its blood but you didn't really care and took my clawed and bloodily hand and we kept walking into the woods
> 
> Killua: and then A BEAR ATTACKED US but I couldn’t move so you tried to fight the bear by yourself but your arm got ripped off and it ate you while I watched and then the bear looked at me and I still couldn’t move but it kept staring and i couldn't breath and then it just left then I woke up
> 
> Gon: come to my room? 
> 
> Killua: Let me move alluka shes still alseep ill be there in a bit
> 
> Gon: okay 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be lots of mention of dreams, pay attention to that throughout this fic. Dreams are important as they help explain our subconscious mind which, has a lot to do with our own internalized trauma.
> 
> A raccoon in your dream can mean "You are hiding something from other people. This dream may be warning you to be more honest with the people you love."  
> A bear in your dream can symbolize "our strength, power and independence. Knowing that bears are wild animals, they may be also a symbol of some untamed habits of a dreamer."
> 
> Lyrics that inspired the title/end of chapter texts:  
> "Sometimes when I'm falling in my dreams  
> I can feel you falling next to me  
> I guess we're going everywhere together" --from "Raigny girl" by Andrew McMahon <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay before we start I don't really have a set schedule, I am a fire sign after all... haha...  
> ANyway, I have the next parts written, we just gotta edit.  
> Speaking of editing, SPECIAL SHOUT OUT to my friend @sunnysideblonde for helping me by editing it. THANKS ROSIE!!  
> This chapter contains a nightmare as well as sleep paralysis. To skip that, stop at "Killua jolts awake." and resume at "'I don't know the word..."'  
> ALSO LOOK I KNOW ITS IN THEIR CANON WORLD BUT THEY WOULD LOVE MINECRAFT AND I WILL BE DAMNED IF THEY DONT GET TO PLAY
> 
> As always, Thanks for reading and enjoy!

**Gon - > to -> Alluka **

> Gon: ALULU 
> 
> Alluka: WHAT BRO
> 
> Gon: wait 
> 
> Gon: we gotta come up with something other than bro for you to call me
> 
> Gon: cuz that makes me feel weird when I am dating your actual bro :/
> 
> Alluka: hm…... I will mule it over 
> 
> Gon: maybe you can call me….. Bro….. In law. :D
> 
> Alluka: YES OKAY. BROTHER IN LAW
> 
> Gon: OKAY WAIT BACK TO WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY 
> 
> Gon: I am at lunch………. wanna play minecraft with me 
> 
> Alluka: YES BET 
> 
> Alluka: we still aren't allowed to play survival mode cuz brokowski says we get too rowdy
> 
> Gon: UGH fine creative mode it is
> 
> Gon: lets make a town 
> 
> Alluka: AND BURN IT I WANNA WATCH IT BURNNNN
> 
> Alluka: since kiki wont let us play survival, we will have to make our own danger 
> 
> Gon: okay yes wait can we spawn a bunch of animals 
> 
> Alluka: DUH 
> 
> Alluka: I call steve 
> 
> Gon: NO I WaNTED STEVE 
> 
> Alluka: you be steve 2 
> 
> Gon: UGH FINE 
> 
> Gon: lets go beat up some villagers 
> 
> Alluka: WHY WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU 
> 
> Gon: STOLE MY LUNCH MONEY IDK I’LL MAKE UP AN EXCUSE
> 
> Alluka: okay I like chaos lets beat them up I got your back brother in law o mine
> 
> Alluka: lets fight to the death after we build our home 
> 
> Gon: Oh HECK YEAH I LOVE DEATH MATCHES 
> 
> Gon: lets make a garden area 
> 
> Alluka: oh yes, can we keep making worlds until we get snow
> 
> Gon: yea i dont feel like exploring all day I got like thirty minutes 
> 
> Gon: lets build it near a lake :D
> 
> Alluka: YES I WANT TO MAKE A CRAFTING TABLE HOLD ONB
> 
> Alluka: ok done. 
> 
> Gon: YESBNSM 
> 
> Gon: I am gonna make killua a minecraft bed… and put it next to mine :-) 
> 
> Alluka: DANG THATS SERIOUS 
> 
> Gon: I KNOdjWBHAJAN
> 
> Alluka: I AM GONNA TELL HIM 
> 
> Gon: NOSISOSKNJSG 
> 
> Gon: this is so much better than greed island I don't care what killua says
> 
> Alluka: hes blushing after I told him about the bed
> 
> Gon: HE IS WEAK 
> 
> Gon: DONT TELL HIM I SAID TAHAT 
> 
> Alluka: CTYUIJYHFDGHSJKS 
> 
> Gon: I GOTTA NHGSHO GO NOOO 
> 
> Gon: WE CAN PLAY WHEN I GET HOME FROM SCHOOL 
> 
> Alluka: YESSSSSSSS
> 
> Gon: BYE BYEEEE :D
> 
> Alluka: BYE BYE :D 
> 
> * * *

**Killua- > to -> Leorio **

> Killua: wanna be a homie and get me some melatonin 
> 
> Leorio: I have five hundred Jenny in my checking at the moment why do you need your poor decrepit old father to buy you it 
> 
> Killua: don’t be dumb I am not 18 yet I cant buy it
> 
> Leorio: Oh right I forgot you are still an actual infant 
> 
> Killua: stop being annoying and just buy me some melatonin you senile old man 
> 
> Leorio: Don’t be rude
> 
> Leorio: ANYWAY why do YOU want melatonin 
> 
> Killua: nunya business 
> 
> Leorio: Then I will not give you any 
> 
> Killua: FINE. be that way I have other connections 
> 
> Leorio: You’re just gonna ask Kurapika aren’t you
> 
> Killua: no i will do nothing of the sort.
> 
> Killua: i have many more connections just so you are aware
> 
> Leorio: Yeah uh huh 
> 
> Killua: GOODBYE YOU USELESS SENILE MEANIE

* * *

**Killua- > to -> Kurapika **

> Killua: Hey Kurapika 
> 
> Kurapika: Why the fuck are you texting me? You never text me… Is everything okay?
> 
> Killua: what yeah I just need a favor 
> 
> Kurapika: Ah I see the only time you want to text your good pal Kurapika It's when you want something from me. Is that how you treat your friends? 
> 
> Killua: OH MY GODJKSHVGCSJKLS 
> 
> Kurapika: Sorry I couldn't help saying that. 
> 
> Kurapika: Yeah I can get you alcohol just don't tell leorio and don't let gon have any. I bet his scrawny ass is a light weight and I don’t want him throwing up or in pain from a cheap boxed wine, that would be insulting to me by association
> 
> Killua: WHATSJHG I DONT WANT ALCOHOL
> 
> Killua: IM ALSO UNDERAGE??? 
> 
> Kurapika: Yeah NO shit sherlock that's why I would get it for you. 
> 
> Killua: alcohol wouldn’t even work on me. 
> 
> Kurapika: What that's so ominous killua 
> 
> Killua: WHAT PART OF IMMUNE TO POISON DON'T YOU GUYS GET 
> 
> Kurapika: Right sorry I frequently forget we are all crazy people. 
> 
> Kurapika: Ok what do you want I can get anything, 
> 
> Kurapika: including human body parts but you didn't hear it from me… 
> 
> Killua: I- 
> 
> Kurapika: Spit it out already kiki I ain't got all day 
> 
> Killua: Can you get me some melatonin 
> 
> Kurapika: Oh thats it. Kinda lame but okay.
> 
> Kurapika: What's the magic word though?
> 
> Killua: I HATE YOu 
> 
> Kurapika: Thats 1) three words 2) not a nice way to talk to someone doing you a favor
> 
> Killua: why are you so much more chaotic to text alone 
> 
> Kurapika: Leorio isn't here to see it :) 
> 
> Killua: oh 
> 
> Kurapika: And I allow myself to be a bitch to you, as a treat :) 
> 
> Kurapika: it’s only fair :) 
> 
> Killua: UGH
> 
> Killua: SO YES OR NO??? 
> 
> Kurapika: Yeah you can just have mine 
> 
> Killua: huh 
> 
> Kurapika: Leorio bought me some like a month ago and I haven't even touched it. Smh he's just wasting his money he should buy me caffeine pills instead. But also I have more money than him so he shouldn't even buy it for me
> 
> Kurapika: He's too nice 
> 
> Killua: debatable. 
> 
> Killua: could you drop it off or ya want me to go get it
> 
> Kurapika: I can drop it off, gives me an excuse to go to leorios after 
> 
> Killua: UGH EW just admit u guys are dating 
> 
> Kurapika: I Shant 
> 
> Kurapika: I asked him out and he said no 
> 
> Killua: WAIT WHT 
> 
> Killua: THAT LIL JERK HE DIDNT TELL ME THAT 
> 
> Kurapika: Well to be fair I was intoxicated at the time he was just being nice 
> 
> Killua: Ask AGAIN
> 
> Kurapika: Nope waiting for him. So he can ask me and then I will say no because i'm a petty bitch and I want to have the last word :) 
> 
> Killua: honestly you scare me sometimes and that means a lot 
> 
> Kurapika: I think that's the nicest thing you ever said to me 
> 
> Killua: UHSJSS 
> 
> Kurapika: Okay im outside i'm gonna leave the melatonin by the door 
> 
> Killua: WHATCHA MEAN YOURE HERE 
> 
> Kurapika: The package you ordered has been shipped and is delivered? I’m not a fucking delivery man you bitch. I dropped off your shit now thank me like a real friend 
> 
> Killua: IM SORRY WHEN YOU LEAVE TO COME TO BISKYS
> 
> Kurapika: As soon as you texted me, I had the melatonin in my glove department 
> 
> Killua: YOU WERE TEXTING THIS WHOLE TIME WHILE DRIVING
> 
> Kurapika: Like it's hard? 
> 
> Killua: OH MY GODJHGCSFHGJKL:SKJB
> 
> Killua: I am not thanking you by the way 
> 
> Kurapika: Fuck u 2 
> 
> Killua: GOOD BYE 
> 
> Kurapika: I hope you have fun being knocked tf out. 
> 
> Killua: I WILL. 

* * *

**Gon - > to -> fearsome foursome **

> Gon: my tummy hurts :,( 
> 
> Gon: ah darn. wrong chat sorry guys ignore that …..
> 
> Killua: who are you leorio
> 
> Killua: also you okay? 
> 
> Kurapika: Who were you even sending that to you have like five friends 
> 
> Gon: UGH I WAS SENDING IT TO MY MOMMY STFU 
> 
> Gon: also yes i am ok 
> 
> Leorio: WHAT KIND OF STOMACH PAIN 
> 
> Leorio: WHERE IS IT 
> 
> Gon: my stummy. 
> 
> Gon: (Stomach + tummy) 
> 
> Kurapika: I genuinely do not like stummy. 
> 
> Gon: don’t be a bitch kurapika 
> 
> Killua: DONT CURSE GON 
> 
> Gon: I can do what I want 
> 
> Killua: last time you said that you tried to convince me to let you keep a rusty knife you found in the bushes 
> 
> Gon: it was cool!!!! >:-( 
> 
> Killua: NO IT WAS DISGUSTING 
> 
> Gon: heck yeah it was 
> 
> Gon: also mito says hi btw 
> 
> Killua: I say hi back 
> 
> Kurapika: Likewise. 
> 
> Leorio: Tell me where your stomach hurts you lil non confrontational bitch 
> 
> Gon: I SAID IT HURTS IN MY STUMMY WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNN 
> 
> Gon: also idek what non confrontational means so I’m just gonna pretend you didn’t say that and move on 
> 
> Leorio: LIKE WHERE THO 
> 
> Gon: I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT U MEAN LEORIO IT HURTS IN MY TUMMYYYYYY
> 
> Leorio: UGH ok how much does it hurt 
> 
> Gon: like on a scale of 1-10 
> 
> Leorio: Yeah sure
> 
> Gon: hm… 6 
> 
> Leorio: Ok SO depending on the kind of pain I would probably take a general antacid or gas reliever, stomach pain is really vague and can range from gas pain to indigestion to like appendicitis, but yeah an antacid, gas reliever, or acetaminophen should work
> 
> Killua: Nerd. 
> 
> Leorio: SHUT UP KIKI 
> 
> Gon: no I am not gonna take medicine
> 
> Gon: I like to feel the pain 
> 
> Leorio: WHY WERE YOU COMPLAINING THEN 
> 
> Gon: I WASNT EVEN COMPLAINING I WAS JUST TRYING TO TELL MITO HOW I WAS FEELING YOU WERE THE ONE WHO BLEW IT OUT OF PORTION 
> 
> Leorio: YOU SAID A SIX 
> 
> Killua: YEAH 
> 
> Killua: SIX FOR YOU IS LIKE A NORMAL PERSON 10 
> 
> Kurapika: I simply do not feel pain. You guys still feel pain? TCH...Fucking losers. 
> 
> Leorio: KURAPIKA AGSJSKJXND. NO 
> 
> Gon: if my 6 is a normal person ten then killua your six is like a dead person 
> 
> Killua: DONT FLATTER ME RIGHT NOW 
> 
> Leorio: HOW TF IS THAT A COMPLIMENT KILLUA 
> 
> Killua: IDK I HAVE DADDY ISSUES 
> 
> Leorio: Yeah well we all do killua you’re not special 
> 
> Killua: you’re an orphan 
> 
> Killua: no dad no opinion 
> 
> Leorio: I- 
> 
> Gon: leorio cures me of my daddy issues because he’s my dad now 
> 
> Leorio: Bitch I did not cure you of your daddy issues you’re still unstable 
> 
> Gon: what does daddy issues have to do with my mental state huh 
> 
> Gon: also I am very stable shut ur mouth >:( !!!
> 
> Gon: also how does something that is not there even become an issue in the first place
> 
> Gon: ging who? Never heard of em 
> 
> Killua: I- 
> 
> Killua: does your stomach feel better 
> 
> Gon: no :-) 
> 
> Killua: what why the smiley face 
> 
> Gon: I like it 
> 
> Kurapika: You’re a freak 
> 
> Gon: Yep that’s my name. Gon Freecs 
> 
> Leorio: GOOD ONE GON 
> 
> Gon: THANKS :D 
> 
> Killua: well since you like it I guess it’s fine and I’m not neglecting you 
> 
> Killua: I am going to bed goodnight you wackos 
> 
> Kurapika: Good night killua have fun 
> 
> Killua: HAVE FUN? WHATCHA MEAN 
> 
> Killua: oh nvm 
> 
> Kurapika: ;) 
> 
> Leorio: KURAPIKA WHAT 
> 
> Gon: no comment. Goodbye 
> 
> Killua: GOODNIGHT I HATE U ALL SM 
> 
> Gon: no u don’t <3 
> 
> Leorio: No you don’t 
> 
> Kurapika: Hate you too goodnight :)
> 
> Killua: GOODNIGHT 
> 
> Gon: sleep tight don’t let the bedbugs bite!! 
> 
> Killua: I won’t 
> 
> Gon: it’s a figure of speech Kiki we do not have bed bugs 
> 
> Gon: I REPEAT WE DO NOT HAVE BED BUGS AT BISKYS PLACE IT IS VERY CLEAN 
> 
> Killua: why are you yelling that 
> 
> Gon: leorio scares me about hygiene 
> 
> Leorio: GOOD KEEP IT CLEAN 
> 
> Kurapika: Leorio stop being weird 
> 
> Leorio: How is promoting good hygiene in anyway weird 
> 
> Kurapika: you’re making it weird 
> 
> Killua: are you guys done I’m gonna sleep now 
> 
> Kurapika: We are not stopping you 
> 
> Killua: yes you are
> 
> Kurapika: block me you won’t 
> 
> Killua: I will don’t try me 
> 
> Gon: no blocking please 
> 
> Gon: GOOOODDDDD NIGHHHHTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Leorio: Good night 
> 
> Kurapika: Bye. 
> 
> Killua: weirdos 

* * *

It’s like before. This time is a bit different. It's a rabbit. Lying dead on the dirt, Its white fur slashed and bloody. 

The rabbit’s blood is animalistic, sticky under Killua's fingernails, red and coppery. His claws drip red, they're bloody and wet—limp at his sides. The blood is cooling off now. He can feel its temperature drop through the thin skin on the back of his hand. Delicate skin that thinly veils his veins, his own untouched blood pumping underneath. 

Killua can’t move. In this dream his hands won’t obey, they're covered in heavy blood weighing his limp hand down. The cold forest breeze rattles its snake tail through the thick branches of dark pine trees. Cruel and wicked, the wind whispers its silver tongued lies into his ear. 

He can’t move. Killua tries to turn. He can't. His eyes shift awkwardly, his neck burning. In his peripheral vision he sees Gon at his side, but Gon’s not looking at him, he’s looking at a rusty shovel in his hands. Killua feels like a string is being tied around his neck, a bunny eared loop, a cruel ribbon constricting his breathing. 

_Check if you're dreaming._ Dream Killua thinks. _You have to count your fingers_ , dream Killua thinks. He can’t move his head. He can’t move; dream Gon turns to him and hands him the shovel, but Killua can’t move, he can’t grab the shovel when the rabbit’s blood is weighing his hands down like dead weight— he can’t stop the shovel from collapsing onto the dirt with a anticlimactic thud. 

“You’re going to bury me.” Gon says.

He had whispered the words so softly, it got carried with the wind, distorted in its biting breeze, distorted into something cruel and wicked. 

_You’re going to bury me._ A declaration of death? A declaration of devotion? Of undying loyalty? Killua doesn't know but he can’t move and dream Gon is telling him this. And he can’t move and all the sudden his body feels like it’s falling— 

Killua jolts awake. He can’t move still. 

He’s awake. Why can’t he move, why won’t his limbs obey his demand for them to come to life? To move. He feels his body weighed down, just like his heavy hands in his hellish, humorless dream.

Alluka is sleeping on her bed across the room. She is peaceful. A deep sleeper, Killua knows this.

Killua can’t move his head. He can’t see her. He can only hear her rhythmic breathing. In, out, in out, in—

No words can come out of his mouth. He can’t say anything. He wants to kick and scream but his body won’t move. His lungs tighten sharply, his eyes are burning, why is he so scared? It's nothing like the forgotten tortures he once endured. It's nothing like merciless training of his youth. It’s just sleep paralysis. It's happened before. He tries to calm down, he tries to focus all his intention on wiggling his big toe, he can’t do it. Barely breathing, Killua can’t move.

Hot tears start to flow cruelly and wickedly, they burn onto otherwise numb skin, his face can barely move, but still. The tears scorn him. They smother him in a wet hot reminder of his own helplessness. 

The door creaks open. Oh god, he can’t move. He can’t turn his head to see. _Am I still dreaming?_ Killua thinks to himself. He needs to check his fingers, count each digit with shaky hands. He can't move his head to see them, it's useless. Hopeless. _I am still dreaming aren’t I?_ Killua thinks, this is just a dream in a dream. Yeah. Sure. An over complicated nightmare, where Killua can’t move and he is crying and he can’t breathe and he can’t move o _h my god why can’t I just turn my head or shut my eyes and pretend this is over_ — 

“Killua.” Gon's voice. 

A cool hand brushes his face, so gently as if aloe, as if to cure his burned tear soaked cheeks. 

“Are you okay?” Gon asks, he pulls the covers from Killua and gets into bed beside him. Why can’t Killua move yet? He can’t answer him and his breathing becomes ragged. Why can’t he answer? Why won’t his muted mouth move? He manages a muffled grunt that comes out as a painful whimper. 

“Killua,” Gon looks at him concerned; how did he even know to come into his room? 

“While I was sleeping,” Gon keeps talking, Killua is just listening to his voice, maybe it'll calm him down? “I felt like, well like I was falling all the sudden, then I woke up from it. And it reminded me of yesterday— when you texted me, so I came. I hope this is okay.” Gon smiled at him. Even though Killua can’t turn his head to see Gon's soft smile at him he can hear it lingering, lacing itself in Gon’s voice, he can sense it in the buzzing of Gon’s hand laying beside his head. 

“Are you okay?” Gon whispers, the window is open, the moonlight is casting weird shadows on the ceiling, the only thing that Killua's blurry vision is allowing him to see. 

Killua can’t move. 

“Can you move? Are you— is this sleep parastasis?” Gon asks tentatively. 

Killua wants to laugh in his face at that but he can’t. 

“Wait no that’s not it. Para... paral... parallels. No... uGH!” Gon's face is screwed up in frustration Killua is sure of it. Gon doesn’t know the word, oh god Killua wants to laugh. So. Bad. Gon moves so Killua can finally see his face, Killua is so thankful, because the moonlight makes him glow softly. Beautifully. And Killua can't do anything but stare. His tan skin is golden and warm above him, his dark hair is deeply rumpled from sleep, the freckles on his cheeks and nose, little sun kisses, are hidden in the darkness of the room, but Killua knows they are there, and has each one memorized. He knows Gon’s face by heart, he can’t be dreaming. Killua continues to stare at Gon. Gon reaches his hand to brush Killua's hair from his face, so gently, so kindly. His fingertips are cool against Killua’s burning skin. Soft and firm, he brushes the hair from Killua’s cheeks. Then his fingers linger lightly over Killua’s dewy face. Gon’s thumb catches a tear and wipes it. 

“I don’t know the word. Parat— wait no! NARCOLEPSY?” Gon’s face brightens at that, Killua wants to laugh so bad it’s burning his chest— Killua’s stomach heaves, it's moving and suddenly a roar of laughter escapes loudly from him. 

Gon stares as Killua laughs until he’s snorting, the laugh is loud and beautiful and Gon is smiling so brightly, his doe eyes melting at Killua. 

Killua laughs a little bit more before his whole body moves, crackling like wood in a fire, he grabs onto Gon and pulls him down to his chest, his rapid heartbeat is slowing now. 

“Narcolepsy? Are you stupid? That's where you fall asleep randomly.” Killua smiles into Gon's hair, pressing a delicate and firm kiss to the top of his head there. It tickles his chin as he lovingly rubs his face back and forth on Gon’s head. Gon smiles, and Killua can feel it buzzing happily through his lips as they rest on his chest.

“Sorry... I forgot the word,” he says into Killua's bare chest. Pale and sickly from the cold sweat, yet Gon cuddles further into it. 

“It’s sleep paralysis you dummy.” Killua whispers. 

“Yeah that’s it!” Gon excitedly whispers-shouts back into Killua’s now-calmed chest. A beat of silence follows, long and comfortable, filled with nice steady and safe breathing, Killua feels so tired. Gon’s mouth moves against Killua’s chest but before Gon can speak Killua interrupts his unspoken words. 

“Gon, let's just go to bed now okay?” His eyelids are drooping. 

“Okay Killua. Goodnight.” It is mumbled, hidden into Killua. 

“Goodnight, Gon.”

Killua brushes Gon's hair one last time, before he drifts off to sleep. 

_He fell with me._ Is Killua’s last thought before he escapes into a softer, sweeter dream than before. One unlike and unparalleled to the softness and sweetness of the reality he holds tightly in his arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ☾ To dream of a dead rabbit could indicate losing touch with someone you love and this dream reminds you to pay more attention to the relationships that are important to you. Nurture them and don't let these people distance from you
> 
> ☾ To dream of a rusty/broken shovel could mean that you need to put in more time, and work into something, and it can mean that you need to seek help from trusted love ones.
> 
> You can follow me on my hxh tumblr @disastergaykillua <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the good stuff today! Alluka and gon bonding over minecraft more? YES!  
> More exposure of Gon and Killua's bad habbits? YES!  
> Leorio being a great older brother figure? YES  
> Kurapika being a lil bitch? OF COURSE  
> SPECIAL THANKS TO MY FRIEND @Sunnysideblonde for EDITING THANK YOU ROSIE!!!
> 
> As always thanks for reading and enjoy this chapter! :D

**Gon- > to -> Alluka**

> Gon: play Minecraft with me you COWARD
> 
> Alluka: HHHHHNhsjdjdn IM ALMOSY DONE 
> 
> Gon: HURRYUP ITS NOT AS FUN WITHOUT YOU 
> 
> Alluka: QUIT BEING A BBY, BROTHER IN LAW
> 
> Alluka: CAN WE BUILD A HOUSE AND BURN IT LIKE LAST TIME
> 
> Gon: heck yeah!!!! 
> 
> Alluka: I wish to unleash chaos onto the masses 
> 
> Gon: that’s so metal alluka I’m crying 
> 
> Alluka: LETS SPAWN A BUNCH OF BEES 
> 
> Gon: AND PLANT LOTS OF FLOWERS AND THEN MAKE THE HOUSE REALLY PRETTY WITH A FENCE AND STUFF 
> 
> Gon: THEN BURN IT WITH ALL THE BEES INSIDE 
> 
> Alluka: YESSSS YOU READ MY MIND 
> 
> Gon: But also….. alulu….. 
> 
> Alluka: also….. brother in law.. 
> 
> Gon: killua is gone….you know what that means….
> 
> Alluka: yea……
> 
> Gon:....... 
> 
> Alluka:............ 
> 
> Alluka: SURVIAL MODE!!!!! 
> 
> Gon: YEASSSSS 
> 
> Gon: also we need to find a way to shorten brother in law
> 
> Alluka: I am thinking… 
> 
> alluka: hmmmmm 
> 
> Alluka: okay 
> 
> Alluka: consider this: 
> 
> Alluka: bro n low 
> 
> Gon: oh
> 
> Gon: OH YES :D
> 
> Gon: that’s perfect. U r brilliant 
> 
> Alluka: I know :-) 
> 
> Gon: NOW HURRY UP U SLOW POKE 
> 
> Alluka:’dmkdkddhhdndd 
> 
> Alluka: ok ok I’m done I’m on my way to the fam room 
> 
> Gon: YEASSS 

* * *

**Killua- > to -> da roommatez **

> Killua: STOP PLAYING SURVIVAL MODE I CAN HEAR YOU BOTH SCREECHING FROM A MILE AWAY AND ITS SIX IN THE MORNING STOP WAKING UP THE NEIGHBORS 
> 
> Gon: NO I WANNA PLAY BEFORE I GO TO SCHOOL 
> 
> Alluka: THE NEIGHBORS LIKE TO HEAR SCREAMS OF JOY 
> 
> Killua: DEBATABLE 
> 
> Killua: you guys just waited for me to go on my run didn't you 
> 
> Gon: will neither confirm nor deny that 
> 
> Alluka: smnbuvhjkl
> 
> Killua: WELL YOU BETTER STOP BEFORE GON IS LATE
> 
> Gon: NO YOU CANT TELL US WHAT TO DO 
> 
> Gon: ALSO MINECRAFT IS MORE EDUCTIONAL THAN SCHOOL ANYWyA
> 
> Alluka: YSAHHHH MONARCHY 
> 
> Gon: I don’t think that’s what monarchy means 
> 
> Gon: I don’t remember what the word is that U r trying to say but I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN 
> 
> Alluka: oh oopsie hehehhehe 
> 
> Killua: ITS ANARCHY 
> 
> Gon: oh duh 
> 
> Gon: stop texting us we are busy 
> 
> Alluka: yea quality alluka and bro n low time 
> 
> Killua: I’m sorry bro n low?? 
> 
> Gon: shortened version of brother in law 
> 
> Killua: why not just law
> 
> Alluka: LOW SOUNDS BETTER DONT QUESTION IT 
> 
> Gon: NOW STOP DISTRACTING US WE ARE VERY BUSY 
> 
> Alluka: TRYING TO GET TO THE ENDER WORLD AHJSJDJHGGGGG 
> 
> Killua: alluka your Minecraft addiction scares me
> 
> Alluka: you’re just a hater 
> 
> Killua: ITS NOT THAT FUN 
> 
> Alluka: TAKE THAT BACK !!!!! 
> 
> Alluka: uGH nanika agrees why DOES SHE ALWAYS TAKE YOUR SIDE 
> 
> Killua: cuz I’m her favorite ever 
> 
> Alluka: true true 
> 
> Alluka: bye now 
> 
> Killua: wow choosing Minecraft over your own brother 
> 
> Alluka: YEA. WTOP TECTING YS 
> 
> Killua: I CAN NOT believe my own sister betraying me like this…. 
> 
> Alluka: okay seriously last warning stop texting us or I’ll block you 
> 
> Killua: you wouldn’t 
> 
> Alluka: FINE ILL MYTE YOUSBSJSJS
> 
> Alluka: OVHBJNK
> 
> Alluka: OF NU HSODND OH WE DID ITSHSJDNJDDN 
> 
> YESHHHHHH 
> 
> KIllua: Should i be concerned 
> 
> Killua: hello? 
> 
> Killua: I can not believe you both 

* * *

**Leorio - > to-> Fearsome Foursome**

> Leorio: Gon just called me said “you ever just wanna jump out a window” then breathed really heavily for a few seconds then hung up 
> 
> Gon: LISTEN 
> 
> Leorio: I AM LISTENING
> 
> Gon: u coulda dmed me instead of sending into the gc just saying 
> 
> Killua: ARE YOU ABOUT YOU JUMP OUT A WINDOW 
> 
> Gon: no I learned my lesson from last time this is purely a desire I am feeling rn 
> 
> Killua: IM SORRY WHATCHA MEAN LAST TIMW 
> 
> Leorio: Last time Gon broke his ankle from jumping out a window 
> 
> Gon: you guys were trying to give me an intervention I did not want,so I had no other choice than to escape and you blocked the door so WHOS fault is it really??! Hmmmm?????
> 
> Leorio: WE WERE TRYING TO HWLP 
> 
> Gon: nope 
> 
> Leorio: JUST BE VULNERABLE ONCE PLEASE 
> 
> Gon: death >>>> being vulnerable 
> 
> Killua: DONT start this i will beat you up rn 
> 
> Killua: Nanika is CRYING 
> 
> Gon: NOOOOOO I MADE NANIKA SAD NOT NINIIIII
> 
> Killua: yes how do you feel now 
> 
> Gon: TERRIBLE OH NO WHERE IS SHE ILL GIVE HER A BIG HUGH SHSJSJJDJDND 
> 
> Gon: IM RUNNING OVER TO BISKYS NOW 
> 
> Killua: GON ARENT YOU IN SCHOOL 
> 
> Gon: YES WHY DID YOUA SYHINK I WAJTED YO KUNMP OYT THE WINDOW HSJSIDJNDD 
> 
> Gon: IM RUNNINGH RNTh
> 
> Leorio: STOP SKIPPING CLASS YOU ARE FAILING ALGEBRA 
> 
> Gon: JGSHJKSBHN kjsms,s ;l.,
> 
> Gon: okay I am no longer running I am sitting on a bench 
> 
> Gon: I have decided……..
> 
> Gon: I’m going to be vulnerable.
> 
> Leorio: Ok I’m listening 
> 
> Gon: hJHHHHNNnnnnn this is so hard 
> 
> Killua: nanika is waiting 
> 
> Gon: AHHHH OK OKA 
> 
> Gon: I was called into the office a few days ago and they had me take this test thing and I didn’t think much of it and I just forgot about it 
> 
> Gon: But today they called me in again just now and told me that they tested me for a learning disability 
> 
> Gon: anyway 
> 
> Gon: I HAVE DYSCALCULIA 
> 
> Gon: okay now you know my weakness. I’m gonna throw my phone into the pond and run away to another country goodbye 
> 
> Killua: NO WAIT DONT MOVE 
> 
> Killua: IM COMING TO CONSOLE YOU 
> 
> Gon: not necessary I accepted my fate goodbye york shin its been nice
> 
> Gon: changing my name to Alexander I think it suits me 
> 
> Killua: shut up I’m bringing alluka and nanika we will go get ice cream 
> 
> Gon: ok ok thank you. 
> 
> Gon: Wait i don’t even like sweets you just want ice cream for yourself 
> 
> Killua: maybe so 
> 
> Leorio: oh Gon…. I’m going to come over too. Okay? Fuck my lecture I’ll be there in fifteen minutes what ice cream place 
> 
> Leorio: I will go slightly above speed limits for you 
> 
> Gon: omg leorio really
> 
> Leorio: yes. 
> 
> Gon: LEORIOOOOO <3
> 
> Leorio: GONNNNNNN
> 
> Killua: let's just meet at chicas compromise. 
> 
> Gon: CHICAS IS HARDLY A COMPROMISE THATS YOUR FAVORITE BAKERY 
> 
> Gon: But Im Okay with that 
> 
> Kurapika: Oh shit. I’m sorry I missed this. I was busy doing things… 
> 
> Kurapika: I can come over to chicas in like half an hour 
> 
> Kurapika: Also wow leorio never goes above the speed limit he really loves your ass. One time I was going into anaphylactic shock from consuming one (1) peanut and leorio drove the speed limit 
> 
> Leorio: YOU HIYCH THERE WAS TRAFFIC I ENDED UP JUST DOING THE PROCEDURE MYSELF IN THE BACKSEAT 
> 
> Killua: why does that sound like a euphemism… 
> 
> Gon: whats a euphemism 
> 
> Kurapika: Gon look it up you have dyscalculia not dyslexia
> 
> Gon: DONT BE MEAN TO ME I AM FRAGILE 
> 
> Killua: LIKE HELL YOU ARE 
> 
> Gon: u ever think about how cruel it is to make dyslexia spelt like that 
> 
> Leorio: Every day of my goddamn life. 
> 
> Kurapika: That’s a bit excessive leorio. 
> 
> Leorio: YOURE A BIT EXCESSIVE BOOM ROASTED 
> 
> Killua: I hate you 
> 
> Killua: gon, alluka and I are at the park with the pond what bench are you at 
> 
> Gon: I HAVE SPIKY almost GREEN HAIR YOU CANT JUST FIND ME BASED ON THAT 
> 
> Killua: HSUT IT 
> 
> Killua: found you…   
>   
> 

* * *

**Kurapika- > to -> Killua**

> Kurapika: How was the melatonin by the way
> 
> Killua: why do you care 
> 
> Kurapika: Because we are friends whether you like it or not 
> 
> Killua: UGH 
> 
> Killua: anyway It was alright 
> 
> Kurapika: You're a dirty liar but i'm not going to press more because I am a very busy person and I can not deal with your deceit right now. 
> 
> Killua: I am not lying but whatever 
> 
> Kurapika: I am always right but okay… 
> 
> Killua: GOODBYE 
> 
> Kurapika: You can’t run away from the truth

* * *

**Kurapika- > to-> Leorio**

> Kurapika: Can you check on Killua for me? That lil bitch won't open up to me.
> 
> Leorio: He was acting more restless than usual today. I trust your gut I will ask. 
> 
> Leorio: Look at you caring for your friends
> 
> Kurapika: SHUT it. You know I care and love you guys more than anything. 
> 
> Kurapika: My whole clan is gone, you guys are my family now. I love you all. 
> 
> Kurapika: Now stop squandering and go ask. 
> 
> Leorio: STOP IM CRYING 
> 
> Leorio: I LOVE YOU TOO 
> 
> Kurapika: You are such a crybaby Leorio. 
> 
> Leorio: Only when it comes to you guys 
> 
> Kurapika: Incorrect you cry after work fairly often
> 
> Leorio: IT IS A SAD AND HARD JOB 
> 
> Kurapika: You would be a terrible mafia member 
> 
> Leorio: GOOD THING IM NOT ONE 
> 
> Kurapika: Its okay I like that youre sensitive. 
> 
> Leorio: STOP YOUR IMPLICATION KJSBHJKLSN
> 
> Kurapika: Implication for what? 
> 
> Leorio: NISUYSJKSJB 
> 
> Leorio: ANYWAY I will go ask kiki whats up and wait for him to expose himself 
> 
> Kurapika: Sounds good 
> 
> Leorio: Would you like to be updated? 
> 
> Kurapika: Not in particular unless its urgent 
> 
> Kurapika: I gotta go duty calls 
> 
> Leorio: SPEAKNG OF CALLS 
> 
> Kurapika: I am not picking up tonight sorry. Busy. 
> 
> Kurapika: I was nice earlier, that is enough for today. Bye. 
> 
> Leorio: UGH BYE U MEANIE 
> 
> Leorio: damn. I have been hanging out with gon and killua too much.
> 
> Leorio: why are two of my best friends literally 16 I- 
> 
> Leorio: ANYWAY bye pika 

* * *

**Leorio- > to -> Killua **

> Leorio: Want to have a brother bonding session with yoUR ONLY OLDER BROTHER THAT YOU HAVE 
> 
> Killua: NO 
> 
> Killua: youre a weirdo 
> 
> Leorio: Please
> 
> Killua: why? Do you need help with something? Is everything okay? 
> 
> Leorio: OKAY WOW 
> 
> Leorio: First, I AM HAPPY YOU CARE ABOUT ME AND ALL BUT 
> 
> Leorio: SECONDLY KILLUA WTF 
> 
> Leorio: Why you gotta just be ready to try and help me when this is FOR YOU 
> 
> Killua: what is with you people I dont need any help. 
> 
> Killua: I am trying to help gon with his math homework leave me alone or tell me what you need 
> 
> Leorio: Okay wait actually can you tell gon I will help him with it this weekend cuz I have it free and I bet I am better at tutoring than you no offense
> 
> Killua: HOW DARE YOU 
> 
> Killua: FINE I will tell him. but you won't be better than me. 
> 
> Killua: he said ok 
> 
> Leorio: Okay now tell me why you were acting weird earlier 
> 
> Killua: I literally wasnt 
> 
> Leorio: Fine 
> 
> Leorio: Tell me why you wanted me to buy you melatonin 
> 
> Killua: NUNYA BUSINESS JHJKL 
> 
> Killua: everything is fine quit asking old man 
> 
> Leorio: Killua. 
> 
> Killua: WBHAT 
> 
> Leorio: can you just cut the bullshit now Im tired. Tell me whats wrong or keep on drowning because you wont let your friends help you. 
> 
> Killua: I am not drowning. Stop asking me. 
> 
> Leorio: K. Fine. I am disappointed in you. Bye. 
> 
> Killua: I dont care. 
> 
> Leorio: K.

* * *

**Killua- > to -> Leorio**

> Killua: OKAY I DO CARE SORRY 
> 
> Leorio: THE K PERIOD COMBO WORKS EVERYTIME 
> 
> Killua: I HATE YOU 
> 
> Leorio: TELL ME WHATS WRONG 
> 
> Killua: NOTHING IS WRONG 
> 
> Leorio: Seriously Killua I dont have time or energy to keep begging you to tell me how you actually feel. 
> 
> Leorio: If you're not honest with your feelings you're just gonna dig yourself into a hole. 
> 
> Killua: Thats the thing. 
> 
> Killua: i am honest with my feelings. I know how I feel. 
> 
> Leorio: I am listening. 
> 
> Killua: Its just hard to express it idk. I didnt grow up doing that much okay? 
> 
> Leorio: Yeah I get it. 
> 
> Killua: I dont think you do. 
> 
> Leorio: Then help me understand? 
> 
> Killua: okay but I don’t really care much about my tragic past™ anymore if I’m honest. That was long ago I am different now and yeah my parents suck and my older brothers suck and stuff but honestly I’m just stressed from recent events. 
> 
> Leorio: Okay that’s fair. We don’t need to talk about what happened when you were younger if you feel that way. What recent events? 
> 
> Killua: I keep having nightmares. Like every night. Its been going on for months, but the last few times have been worst than before. 
> 
> Killua: Thats why I asked for melatonin. But kurapika gave me some, And the nightmare wasnt as bad as the one before, but I woke up and had sleep paralysis. So i think I should just lay off the medicine 
> 
> Leorio: Melatonin probably wouldnt even work in your system killua. 
> 
> Killua: Oh but its not really a poison. 
> 
> Leorio: True. What are your nightmares about? If you dont mind me asking. 
> 
> Killua: before they were just memories of things that happened but like all dreamy and distorted. 
> 
> Killua: I tried looking up how to lucid dream and realize youre dreaming in your dreams but it hasnt helped. 
> 
> Killua: The dreams were just really bad recently, because it was all actual nightmares. Things that havent happened. 
> 
> Killua: and they all involve me and gon. Sometimes alluka and nanika too, but last night, it was just me and gon. 
> 
> Leorio: I am sorry killua that sounds scary. 
> 
> Killua: Ive delt with worst. But it kinda is scary. I wont lie. 
> 
> Killua: Its just the feeling that I have in them I hate
> 
> Leorio: What feeling? 
> 
> Killua: in all my dreams I can’t do anything. I just stand there and watch. 
> 
> Killua: It's awful I hate it. I hate feeling helpless. 
> 
> Leorio: Killua I am sorry that does sound awful 
> 
> Leorio: I wish I could help in some way
> 
> Killua: Its okay i think itll pass eventually. It just sucks having the same thing over and over again 
> 
> Leorio: Have you told Gon?
> 
> Killua: yeah briefly. I told him about the one two nights ago 
> 
> Killua: you know how we joke about being telepathic 
> 
> Leorio: Yeah 
> 
> Killua: I am starting to believe it, last night when I had sleep paralysis he felt weird and woke up and came to my room
> 
> Leorio: woah really? 
> 
> Killua: I was surprised too. It’s pretty miraculous. Especially cuz alluka is a really heavy sleeper. Also I wouldnt want to wake her up anyway. Have you see her sleeping? CUTEST THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD 
> 
> Leorio: She is very cute 
> 
> Killua: I didnt know i could love anything that much tbh then I watched my bby sis sleep one time and MY CHEST ACHED SO HARD
> 
> Leorio: OMG 
> 
> Killua: she just looks so peaceful and soft 
> 
> Killua: Gon is like that too sometimes when hes asleep.
> 
> Killua: but yeah wait back to last night
> 
> Killua: gon is dumb tho cuz
> 
> Killua: he didn't know what the word for sleep paralysis was and said narcolepsy
> 
> And he was so excited because he thought he remembered the word and it was so funny I ended up moving cuz i started laughing really hard 
> 
> Killua: LIKE SERIOUSLY NARCOLEPSY?!!! Can you believe that? hahashsjsns he's so silly
> 
> Leorio: Killua please do not hate me for this but im crying you are being adorable right now 
> 
> Killua: LEOUROIUBI HOW DARE 
> 
> Killua: WHATCHA MEAN YOU WEIRDO 
> 
> Leorio: NOTHING YOU JUST REALLY LOVE ALLUKA AND GON AND IYS SO CUTE WHEN YOU DOTE ON THEM YOU BIG DOMESTIC CANCER 
> 
> Killua: SHUT IT OLD MAN 
> 
> Killua: I like you too. I guess. BUT I WONT SAY THAT EVER AGAIN GOOD BYE 
> 
> Leorio: NO KIKI COME BACK 
> 
> Killua: nope you lost texting privileges you deceiving conman 
> 
> Leorio: You are getting very original with these insults I am impressed you doting brother and doting boyfriend 
> 
> Killua: SHUT UP BYE YOU UGLY WRETCH 
> 
> Leorio: BYE 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm I wonder why Killua keeps dreaming the same thing...  
> Also like I said no set schedule we die like chaotic fire signs. I write this at 3am and when I procrastinate my summer semester homework so expect it at LEAST once a week.  
> Thanks for reading! You can follow my hxh blog on tumblr @disastergaykillua <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Yeah I updated this yesterday but shhhhh. I AM A FIRE SIGN i do what I want!  
> Anyway, enjoy this silly chapter, as always thanks for reading!  
> You can follow me on my hxh tumblr @ disastergaykillua

**Leorio- > to -> DA FAM**

> Leorio: In the picture we took yesterday, I noticed something…. 
> 
> Leorio: FIRST we are SOOOO cute like a nice happy family everyone say thank you to the Chica’s worker for taking the picture for us 
> 
> Leorio: SECOND ….. Killua…. Is taller than kurapika……. 
> 
> Kurapika: EXCUSE ME 
> 
> Kurapika: TAKE THAT BACK LEORIO I WILL NOT ALLOW A BABY TO SURPASS ME LIKE THAT 
> 
> Killua: WAIT REALLYY GHJKABHJ
> 
> Alluka: watch out kurapika I AM COMMING FOR YOU TOO 
> 
> Alluka: GIVE ME LIKE A FEW MORE YEARS 
> 
> Gon: I am crying have you seen ging I am probably gonna be shorter than ALLUKA VSGCFTFYHGUJHKS UGHHHH
> 
> Alluka: AHHAHAH I CAN NOT WAIT FOR THAT DAY TO COME MWHAHAHH 
> 
> Killua: ALLUKAJHGfaGHJKA HAHAHAHh
> 
> Kurapika: FEEL MY PAIN GON
> 
> Kurapika: Hopefully I can stay taller than gon, and gon can be the baby of the group forever
> 
> Alluka: i thought i was the baby 
> 
> Kurapika: YOU ARE 
> 
> Kurapika: I meant in terms of height 
> 
> Alluka: Ah yes I can not wait to be an beautiful amazon women and tower over all of you chumps 
> 
> Killua: LEORIO IS 6’4 
> 
> Leorio: HOW TALL WILL YOU BE ALLUKA JESUS 
> 
> Alluka: as tall as I need to be
> 
> Alluka: That Is For God To Decide Not Me
> 
> Killua: ALLUKA NBHGSJKS
> 
> Gon: I AM CRYING ALLUKA IS GONNA BE TALLER THAN ME BY LIKE TWO FEET 
> 
> Killua: what about me huh shouldn’t you be worried about how much taller I will be 
> 
> Gon: BUT ALLUKAS A GIRL 
> 
> Gon: and ALSO I made peace with being shorter than you long ago :,) 
> 
> Kurapika: What so women can't be tall now huh are you sexist 
> 
> Gon: NO 
> 
> Gon: I SIMPLY DO NOT WANT ALLUKA TO TOWER OVER ME 
> 
> Alluka: NO let me have this
> 
> Alluka: dont be a transphobe 
> 
> Killua: STOP SAYING TAHT EVERYTIME WE TEASE YOU
> 
> Gon: U CANT JUST SAY THAT EVERYYTIME I TEASE U 
> 
> Killua: oh ahah twining 
> 
> Gon: JINX 
> 
> Alluka: I Shall Do Whatever My Heart Desires 
> 
> Kurapika: the telepathic bond strikes again
> 
> Kurapika: ALSO stay short, gon please.
> 
> Leorio: ALLUKA STOP DOING THHAT WITH THE CAPS PLEASE ITS sCARY 
> 
> Alluka: Now you're just being a h8r leorio 
> 
> Gon: I DONT WANNA BE SHORTTTTT 
> 
> Leorio: Maybe your birth mother was like a giant you could grow tall 
> 
> Gon: I am convinced Ging just produced me through binary fusion 
> 
> Alluka: huh binary? No thanks 
> 
> Killua: ALLUAJKIHG 
> 
> Killua: also BINARY FUISON GONSVGJKS 
> 
> Leorio: WHA gon good use of science vocab 
> 
> Leorio: I am so proud 
> 
> Gon: SSSSKJH STOP ACTING LIKE I AM NOT IN THE STEM FIELD 
> 
> Kurapika: Wait what 
> 
> Gon: what 
> 
> Leorio: OH GON I DONT THINK WE EVER TOLD HIM 
> 
> Gon: YEAH WAIT AHJKLKB
> 
> Alluka: KURAPIKA 
> 
> Alluka: Even I know Gon is going to learn botany and do hunter plant stuff (idk the special term word) 
> 
> Kurapika: I DIDNTSGHJSJSJ REALIZE
> 
> Gon: KURAPAIAJJBK
> 
> Kurapika: That makes so much sense 
> 
> Kurapika: That's why gon is voluntarily taking advanced organic chemistry 
> 
> Gon: THAT CLASS IS DUDMB
> 
> Gon: WHY DO I NEED TO KNOW MATH I KNOW MORE ABOUT PLANTS THAN ALL THOSE LOSERS 
> 
> Leorio: Gon something tells me math is important in all STEM fields of study including hunter stem fields like myself 
> 
> Gon: STEM is ABLEIST 
> 
> Killua: WHAT HOW 
> 
> Killua: that is not how that word works 
> 
> Gon: OH so the neurotypical is gonna explain to me how ableism works 
> 
> Killua: YOU JUST FOUND OUT YESTERDAY
> 
> Alluka: STOP BEING HOMOPHOBIC AND ALBEIST BROSEPH 
> 
> Killua: HWOPIUGYS ALLUAKKBAH
> 
> Kurapika: Can not believe Killua hates gay people
> 
> Killua: I AM GAY STOP THIS 
> 
> Gon: I am gay and I am dating a homophobe wow the duality of a man…. 
> 
> Killua: I HATE YOU GUYS (minus alluka I could never :,) 
> 
> Alluka: coward (im jk love u 2 <3 )
> 
> Killua: ALLUKA (oh phew)
> 
> Leoro: WAIT we are all lgbt community members, killua said he hates us therefore killua hates lgbt 
> 
> Killua: I- 
> 
> Killua: GOODBYE 
> 
> Alluka: OSNBUSIS HAHHA
> 
> Alluka: ah darn it nanika is upset you guys said that stuff about kiki ugh 
> 
> Gon: TELL HER IM SORRY
> 
> Kurapika: Tell her I wont take it back
> 
> Killua:..... Tell nanika she is the only person here i trust and respect and also I AM LEAVING GOODBYE
> 
> Alluka: FINE BROMEO WE WILL STOP COME BACK 
> 
> Alluka: Kiki supports trans rights 
> 
> Killua: YES I DO 
> 
> Kilua: I will shank a transphobe 
> 
> Kurapika: ME TOO 
> 
> Kurapika: I WILL USE JUDGEMENT CHAIN ON THEM
> 
> Gon: WE BEATING UP PEOPLE NOW???? :D 
> 
> Leorio: NO YOURE NOT ALLOWED I BANNED YOU FROM GETTING INTO FIGHTS 
> 
> Gon: NOOOO 
> 
> Gon: >:(
> 
> Alluka: i will allow gon to beat up transphobes, as a treat. 
> 
> Gon: :D

* * *

**Alluka- > to -> gon**

> Alluka: BEFORE WE PLAY MINECRAFT LATER TONIGHT CAN YOU GET ME MORE OF THAT KETTLECORN YOU GOT 
> 
> Alluka: BROSKI ATE IT ALL 
> 
> Gon: YEAH OK I WILL GO TO THE STORE NOW 
> 
> Alluka: like right now this instant-
> 
> Alluka: nevermind I heard the front door open and lock you are on your way now Alluka: :D 

* * *

**Gon- > to-> Fearsome Foursome**

> Gon: guys I’m at the store do y’all want anything?? 
> 
> Kurapika: I don’t live anywhere near you 
> 
> Gon: do you want anything 
> 
> Gon: I got like a hundred Jenny left
> 
> Leorio: CANT GET SHIT WITH A HUNDRED JENNY IN THIS ECONOMY 
> 
> Killua: can i get something 
> 
> Gon: I already got you chocolate milk if that’s what you want it is in the chart as we speak 
> 
> Killua: dang ok seriously stop reading my mind
> 
> Leorio: Haha killua drinks chocolate milk what a baby 
> 
> Killua: leorio shut the heck up you anemic loser 
> 
> Leorio: DONT MAKE FUN OF ME FOR BEING LWO IRON YOU LIL BRAT 
> 
> Leorio: You are hereby uninvited to taco night 
> 
> Killua: you wouldn’t… 
> 
> Leorio: BITCH CAN YOU READ I JUST DID 
> 
> Killua: whatever it’s not like I wanted to go anyways 
> 
> Leorio: SURE 
> 
> Killua: I got some sudoku to do loserz 
> 
> Leorio: I- 
> 
> Kurapika: Killua I have a really good sudoku book recommendation I found it at the Jenny tree
> 
> Killua: WAIT BET WHATS IT CALLED 
> 
> Killua: I can not believe I just got that excited over sudoku
> 
> Killua: I USED TO KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING now I’m contemplating whether or not to pick up gardening on the weekends with Gon I can not believe this 
> 
> Leorio: your family would be so not proud of you right now 
> 
> Killua: IS THAT SUPPOSE TO BE A GOOD THING
> 
> Leorio: UM YES DO YOU WANT YOUR STUPID FUCKING ASSASIN BITCHASS ABUSER SLIMEY CRUSTY FAMILY TO BE PROUD OF YOU FUCK NO THAT WOULD MEAN UR LIKE UP TO NO GOOD MURDERING SOMEONE OR SOMETHING IDK REALLY KNOW HOW BEING AN ASSASIN WORKS TBH 
> 
> Leorio: YOUR REAL FAMILY (aka us) IS PROUD OF YOU FOR BEING A DEVELOPED CANCER WHO LIKES DOMESTIC SHIT DOTES ON HIS BF AND SIS AND GIVES COUNTLESS HUGS TO HIS LIL SISSY even if you sometimes call me mean names and threaten to beat me up 
> 
> Killua: thanks leorio
> 
> Killua: you’re safe for now 
> 
> Kurapika: So much passion leorio 
> 
> Kurapika: Also you know what killua I’ll just buy it for you and drop it off 
> 
> Kurapika: It’s what you deserve 
> 
> Killua: kurapika stop being uncharacteristically nice to me I will cry
> 
> Leorio: ARE YOU KIDDING ME THATS WHAT GETS YPU TO CRY NOT ME BEING NICE FO YOU SINCE FOREVER 
> 
> Killua: shut up grandpa i wasn’t talking to you 
> 
> Leorio: I hate you Kiki 
> 
> Killua: and I hate you rioleo :) 
> 
> Killua: where did Gon go 
> 
> Leorio: I bet he did something stupid 
> 
> Kurapika: Like ride the cart really fast in the isle 
> 
> Leorio: Or help an old lady get something off the top shelf by climbing it 
> 
> Leorio: He has done that before. 
> 
> Leorio: I was there 
> 
> Killua: or grab a lobster out of the lobster tank with his bare hands and give it to me as a gift 
> 
> Leorio: you’re still not over the fish thing huh 
> 
> Killua: HAJSJDJD I- 
> 
> Gon: how the heck did you know I grabbed a lobster ??? :o it wasn’t for you tho it was for me 
> 
> Gon: I got kicked out :,( 
> 
> Killua: GON ARE YOU KIDDING ME 
> 
> Gon: I’m upset I wanted a pet lobster :,( they live for like ever did you know that???? 
> 
> Kurapika: Don’t worry Gon... Another time another lobster 
> 
> Gon: oh you’re right kurapika maybe I’ll get one from the ocean that might be better 
> 
> Killua: please do not get one from the ocean you don’t know where it’s been 
> 
> Gon: what is it like a gangster lobster now or something??? it’s from a bad part of town???? Idc what tragic past the lobster has it’s my buddy now 
> 
> Kurapika: LEAVE THE CRUSTACEANS ALONE KILLUA THEY ARE COOL
> 
> Leorio: KURAPIKA STOP ENCOURAGING HIM TO DO DUMB STUFF 
> 
> Gon: HOW IS BEFRIENDING A LOBSTER DUMB WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST MARINE LIFE HUH 
> 
> Killua: I can not with you guys sometimes 
> 
> Killua: Hey Kurapika 
> 
> Gon: WHY CAPS I DONT LIKE THAT
> 
> Kurapika: what. 
> 
> Killua: did you know that lobsters are distantly related to sp*ders 
> 
> Kurapika: oh. 
> 
> Kurapika: give me a minute 
> 
> Kurapika: NFTXDERSTCFYBIUGYDHJIJSYUDHJKWSBHJKWJ BHSVGHKS
> 
> Kurapika: WE CANT HAVE ANYTHING GOOD IN LIFE HUH WHJUIOWHBWILWNW
> 
> Kurapika: Time to kill all lobsters. 
> 
> Gon: NO!!! LEAVE THEM ALONEEE
> 
> Gon: honestly I think lobsters are one of my favorite animals 
> 
> Killua: WTF WHY
> 
> Kurapika: WHY GON YOU ARE BETRAYING ME 
> 
> Leorio: For some odd reason this reminds me of the time Gon and kurapika got arrested and I had to bail them out of holding 
> 
> Kurapika: lmao that was so funny 
> 
> Killua: I’m sorry when did this happen 
> 
> Gon: LEORIO STOP EXPOSING ME YOU SNITCH HAJDJJDJDJD 
> 
> Kurapika: We may or may not have slashed someone’s tires and we may or may not have made the naive mistake of getting caught 
> 
> Gon: you’re the dummy who had their name engraved on the knife and we had to drop it when the cops showed up
> 
> Killua. I- 
> 
> Kurapika: YOU GOT ME THE KNIFE AND ENGRAVED IT FOR ME ON MY BIRTHDAY
> 
> Gon: oh yah :P 
> 
> Leorio: UGH IM LOWKEY STILL MAD
> 
> Leorio: I ASKED YOU GUYS FOR HELP NOT REVENGE I specifically told you to not do anything that involved weapons and what did you do??? 
> 
> Gon: …. we used knives 
> 
> Kurapika: ...to slash their tires…
> 
> Killua: you could have easily done something else to unleash revenge upon them without using a weapon tbh 
> 
> Gon: I liked my idea better 
> 
> Gon: the one that didn’t involve weapons 
> 
> Kurapika: I think gasoline and a lighter is considered a weapon, Gon. 
> 
> Gon: hm… no. :) 
> 
> Leorio: IN THIS CONTEXT HM YES 
> 
> Kurapika: Wait killua what would you do if you couldn’t use a weapon 
> 
> Gon: YEAH U GOT A BETTER IDEA? 
> 
> Killua: oh easy 
> 
> Killua: I would find him, pick-pocket his keys, get to his car and turn it on, put it in reverse until it hit something HARD, turn it off, keep the keys in the car and lock it. 
> 
> Killua: boom he has so much paper work to do, his car is ruined forever, (hopefully unsalvagable) since it was his fault the insurance wont pay him compensation, he has the headache of calling triple b being kept on hold for two hours AND he will have the psychological torture of being humiliated for looking like an idiot who locked their keys in their car and backed it up into something. 
> 
> Killua: this is all theoretical I have never done that :) 
> 
> Killua: I have sunk a car in a lake tho. 
> 
> Leorio: Damn ok this cancels out the sudoku controversy
> 
> Kurapika: How is sudoku a controversial thing 
> 
> Leorio: it just is 
> 
> Gon: I am reminded again that I am sapiosecxual <3 my kokoro is beating so fast 
> 
> Killua: GON SHUT UP SHJDJDJSJ D 
> 
> Gon: no <3 come give me a kissy you lil master mind 
> 
> Leorio: HWY ARE YOU BOTH SO WEIRS 
> 
> Kurapika: you’re one to talk 
> 
> Leorio: I am not attracted to you when you get into a murderous rage and talk about ruining someone's life. Gon is just a masochist 
> 
> Gon: idk what that means so Ur words don’t even hurt me 
> 
> Killua: You’d want it to hurt you tho 
> 
> Gon: whaaaa 
> 
> Kurapika: masochism means you like pain 
> 
> Gon: of course I like pain he’s a good side character in naruto 
> 
> Gon: I am jk I know you meant a different pain 
> 
> Killua: OH MY HOD 
> 
> Leorio: Gon stay pure 
> 
> Gon: but like actually idk what you mean by that who likes pain
> 
> Leorio: YOU HAVE SAID YOU DO ON MULTIPLE ACOUNTS 
> 
> Gon: SHUT UP SNITCH 
> 
> Gon: sometimes I gotta feel the burn ya know 
> 
> Killua: NO 
> 
> Gon: no pain no gain 
> 
> Leorio: STOP IT EARTH SIGN
> 
> Kurapika: Okay, more specifically, masochist means you get pleasure from being in pain 
> 
> Leorio: KURAPIKA 
> 
> Gon: Oh. 
> 
> Gon: like sexy pleasure? 
> 
> Kurapika: Yes. like sexy pleasure.
> 
> Gon: I have decided I will neither confirm nor deny that. 
> 
> Killua: GOSNSJS 
> 
> Gon: WHAT I DECIDED NOT TO COMMENT HOW IS THAT DESERVING OF A KEYSMASH 
> 
> Leorio: Don’t act like you don’t know what you just implied via subtext 
> 
> Gon: i did nothing of the sort :P 
> 
> Kurapika: Okay enough texting for me goodbye 
> 
> Leorio: NO COME BACK 
> 
> Kurapika: GOODBYE WEIRDOS YOUR MY ONLY FRIENDS 
> 
> Leorio: I’m gonna cry kurapika I love u 
> 
> Kurapika: Woah chill leorio don’t use the l word on me 
> 
> Gon: the l word 
> 
> Killua: lesbian 
> 
> Kurapika: *gon voice* KURAPIKAS A LESBIAN
> 
> Gon: THAT WAS ONE TIME 
> 
> Gon: I wanted to support you if you were >:( 
> 
> Kurapika: I appreciate that Gon. 
> 
> Leorio: Gon that’s sweet 
> 
> Gon: I am very sweet all the time 
> 
> Kurapika: that’s just not true 
> 
> Gon: no it is I am a perfect wittle angel I have done nothing wrong in my life 
> 
> Leorio: I know this and I love you 
> 
> Killua: Gon you spit in my water during dinner TONIGHT
> 
> Gon: I’m an angel!!!!!! AND shut up did you not provoke me?? 
> 
> Killua: I kicked you under the table twice because you got too competitive during footsie which is suppose to be cute lil thing not a competition by the way 
> 
> Gon: I wanted to win. 
> 
> Killua: YOU CANT WIN AT FOOTSIE HSJDNDNDN
> 
> Leorio: wow you guys play footsie competitively I CANT WITH U 
> 
> Gon: can't help being a Taurus 
> 
> Leorio: THAT DOWSNT EVEN MAKE MUCH SENSE IN TAGT CKMTECT 
> 
> Killua: leorio I cant read that 
> 
> Gon: me neither so I choose to ignore it :) 
> 
> Killua: good idea gon :) 
> 
> Leorio: I hate you both 
> 
> Gon: no u dont <3 
> 
> Gon: Love you too leorio <3 
> 
> Killua: can’t say the same leorio <3 
> 
> Gon: don’t be a butt head killua <3 
> 
> Killua: I’ll do what I want gon <3 
> 
> Leorio: you guys are a Menace to society goodbye 

* * *

**Gon- > to -> Killua**

> Gon: Killua are you up? 
> 
> Killua: I am now 
> 
> Gon: oh sorry you can go back to bed then :-) 
> 
> Killua: no its okay whats up 
> 
> Gon: I was wondering if you were having a nightmare again. I was having a weird dream and woke up suddenly. Thought you would be the same again
> 
> Killua: Oh no I am okay. Dont worry. 
> 
> Killua: what was your dream about? Want me to go to your room? 
> 
> Gon: oh it wasn’t bad, just weird. Did you have a nightmare? 
> 
> Killua: yeah but it was the same one. What was your dream about? 
> 
> Gon: oh im sorry kiki!! Hopefully they end soon. I wish there was something i could do to help. 
> 
> Gon: OH and in my dream I just driving on an empty highway and lost control of the car and then hit a racoon or something. And then I started freaking out cuz leaving roadkill on the road is illegal and also I do not want to pay the fine (which is fair okay!!!) and then I called you cuz dream me was like he'd know how to hide a body,(which is probably true and dream me is SMART OK) then you came with two shovels (naturally you had not one BUT TWO ready and on hand) and we dug a big hole together, THEN alluka and nanika and kurapika and leorio were there, and we had a funeral for the dead animal.
> 
> Gon: that twas it. Not really bad or anything I just woke up suddenly thought I would ask you this time before I went to your room to check on you. 
> 
> Killua: oh okay 
> 
> Killua: also last time I couldn't even move so texting me to ask doesn't really make much sense in this situation. 
> 
> Gon: oh hahahah i guess so
> 
> Killua: do you want me to come to your room?
> 
> Gon: I mean if you want to cuddle sure come in.
> 
> Killua: Do you want to cuddle? 
> 
> Gon: I mean duh? But DO YOU want to
> 
> Killua: Coming over 
> 
> Gon: kk
> 
>   
>    
>    
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dream Meanings  
> ☾ If you're pulled off to the side of the road, have an accident, or find yourself driving a vehicle in poor condition it may symbolize problems or emotional issues you are experiencing during fast paced situations. Difficulties or delays you are having while "moving ahead" with something.
> 
> ☾ Positively, dreaming about a funeral may reflect acceptance of losing a negative aspect of your life. Feeling that you are better off without a bad habit or negative influence.  
> Negatively, dreaming about a funeral may reflect difficulties moving on or letting go of unhealthy situations in your life. Feeling bad that you have grow up or be a lot more mature than you want to be. Dependencies or addictions you feel forced to separate from without a choice.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep getting too excited and posting my chapters early UGH the tragic woes of being a leo....  
> ANYWAY enjoy this chat chapter (where a special someone's abandonment issues pop out) the next one will be LONG, i think the longest one I have right now....  
> THANK YOU @sunnysideblonde for editing again <3 LOVE YA ROSIE  
> As always, thanks for reading and enjoy!!

**Gon- > to -> Alluka**

> Gon: Lunch time. 
> 
> Alluka: Minecraft time. 
> 
> Gon: YES 
> 
> Gon: Is it okay if I invite my school pals to the world this time
> 
> Alluka: yes as long as they are okay with getting their houses burned by me 
> 
> Gon: They are my pals of course they will 
> 
> Gon: if they are not I WILL BURN THEIR HOUSES 
> 
> Alluka: JHSSHSGHSJ HAHAHHA 
> 
>   
>    
> 
> 
> Alluka: THAT WAS SO FUN 
> 
> Gon: YEAHHHH 
> 
> Alluka: will they play with us next time?? 
> 
> Gon: THEY SAID THEY WANT TO SO YESSSS 
> 
> Alluka: YAYYAYYA

* * *

**Kurapika - > to -> Fearsome Foursome**

> Kurapika: I have a problem I need help solving 
> 
> Gon: what is it?? 
> 
> Kurapika: Go back to school, Gon
> 
> Gon: I just asked to go to the bathroom i am now hiding in the stall 
> 
> Gon: ALSO I WILL HELP YOU JUST ASKED FOR HELP 
> 
> Leorio: People are gonna be thinking your taking a massive poopy 
> 
> Gon: NHGHAHHAA A poopy HGAAHAH why is that so funny DONT MAKE ME LAUGH LIKE WEIRDO IN THE BATHROOM STALL LEORIO
> 
> Killua: u guys are immature poop isnt even that funny 
> 
> Leorio: YOU ARE A LIAR POOPY WILL ALWAYS BE FUNNY REGARDLESS OF AGE I WILL BE OLD AND WRINKLED AND STILL LAUGH AT THE WORD POOPY
> 
> Gon: DITO LEORIO HGSHJS
> 
> Kurapika: GUYS CAN I GET SOME HELP 
> 
> Gon: YES OF COURSE 
> 
> Killua: kurapika probably does not help from YOU gon
> 
> Killua: your advice is terrible 
> 
> Leorio: Kiki don’t be so mean to your bf 
> 
> Leorio: You’re right but you shouldn’t say it 
> 
> Gon: WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY ADVICE IS TERRIBLE 
> 
> Gon: I helped leorio with that creep that one time 
> 
> Leorio: NO YOU DIDNTT HKLS you got an angry coma and passed out and then told kurapika about it WHEN I TOLD YOU NOT TO and kurapika almost KILLED them 
> 
> Kurapika: Hey remember that time Gon broke a stalkers legs to get away from them 
> 
> Gon: hey that plan works almost every time 
> 
> Killua: I’m sorry what do you mean almost 
> 
> Killua: also why do you have so many stalkers 
> 
> Leorio: He’s just too cute 
> 
> Gon: U r right leorio :-) BUT ALSO
> 
> Gon: usually they just give up after I break a limb but one time this person WENT CRAZY and tried to kill me but like that guy was so dumb cuz like 
> 
> Gon: DUDE I JUST BROKE YOUR ARM LIKE IT WAS NOTHING ???? You really think you’d win a death match against me??? No WAY!!!! One nice solid punch to your head (not even a jajanken, just a normal CHOP) and you’d be lights out… FOREVER 
> 
> Gon: seriously use your head before I BREAK IT >:( @ that guy 
> 
> Leorio: GON WTF WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN 
> 
> Gon: Idk like two years
> 
> Gon: doesn’t matter anyways I took care of it :)
> 
> Killua: I’m sorry did you kill THEM 
> 
> Kurapika: Gon that's pretty metal… Respect. 
> 
> Gon: NO I DIDNT KILL THEM 
> 
> Gon: WHERE WOULD I HAVE PUT THE BODY??? I cant think these things through
> 
> Gon: at the time I still semi-trusted police so I knocked him out and took him to the police station cuz he probably knew where I lived and I did not want him showing up and killing Bisky or something so now he is rotting in our flawed jail system as he should be :)
> 
> Leorio: do you not trust police anymore 
> 
> Gon: DO YOU 
> 
> Leorio: No of course not
> 
> Kurapika: FUCK DA POLICE 
> 
> Killua: aren’t you like a mafia ring leader or something kurapika 
> 
> Kurapika: I am aware of my predicament. Did I stutter 
> 
> Killua: no 
> 
> Killua: but anyways Gon wtf why do so many people stalk you 
> 
> Kurapika: UM WAIT! THIS WASNT SUPPOSE TO BE ABOUT GON I ASKED A QUESTION FIRST CAN WE GET BACK TO THAT 
> 
> Killua: It must not be that urgent if you let us go on a tangent like that 
> 
> Gon: WE ALWAYS GO ON TANGENTS NO STOPPING IT WHEN IT HAPPENS
> 
> Leorio: UGH ARIES 
> 
> Leorio: Yes fine Gon answer later 
> 
> Leorio: What's your question 
> 
> Kurapika: Um,
> 
> Kurapika: how do I know when the egg is done boiling 
> 
> Killua: I- 
> 
> Killua: DO YOU PEOPLE NOT KNOW HOW TO USE THE INTERNET 
> 
> Gon: I can go check for you kurapika hold on 
> 
> Leorio: I’m sorry kurapika DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO BOIL AN EGG 
> 
> Kurapika: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO TELL WHEN ITS DONE NOTHING CHANGES 
> 
> Gon: okay so usually like eight minutes 
> 
> Kurapika: THANK YOU GON 
> 
> Leorio: KURAPIKA YOU ARE 22 YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO BOIL AN EGG 
> 
> Leorio: You’ll be a terrible housewife 
> 
> Kurapika: You and I both know I can’t cook and that you would be the housewife 
> 
> Gon: I can see leorio as a stay at home dad 
> 
> Kurapika: Yes, a wonderful stay at home mom for our children. While I go out being a vigilante in the night
> 
> Leorio: I HAVE PEOPLE TO HEAL KURAPIKA YOU MOTHERFUCKER I CANT STAY AT HOME WE WILL BOTH HAVE CAREERS 
> 
> Kurapika: Yes I know a guy can dream though...
> 
> Killua: you called kurapika a motherf*cker yet you’re the mom in this... pics that make you go hm
> 
> Gon: JAJDJDJJDND KILLUA 
> 
> Leorio: WJDJDIKDD KILLUA WHAGSHD 
> 
> Kurapika: Killua just curse like a normal person 
> 
> Killua: no 
> 
> Killua: can’t make me 
> 
> Leorio: Yeah I would expect killua to curse more tbh 
> 
> Killua: I CANT 
> 
> Gon: it’s okay I think it’s cute that you don’t curse (that much)
> 
> Killua: SHUT UP 
> 
> Leorio: Are you trying to keep Gon pure if so I salute you 
> 
> Gon: Hey leorio 
> 
> Leorio: yeah 
> 
> Gon: *whispers* fuck 
> 
> Leorio: NO GON STOP 
> 
> Gon: >:D
> 
> Kurapika: oh my god 
> 
> Killua: i don’t curse for reasons
> 
> Leorio: What are they you can’t be edgy and mysterious in this conversation so don’t even try kiddo 
> 
> Killua: I don’t curse cuz what if it becomes a habit and then one day I’m talking to alluka and it slips out on accident?! 
> 
> Killua: I don’t want to be an irresponsible older brother 
> 
> Leorio: That is the sweetest thing ever kiki 
> 
> Killua: STFU LEORIO
> 
> Gon: (shut the frick up)
> 
> Killua: GONSVGHJK
> 
> Gon: its okay killua I also think that is very nice of you 
> 
> Killua: thanks GON 
> 
> Gon: BUT 
> 
> Killua: oh 
> 
> Gon: i think you worry too much 
> 
> Killua: someone has to worry for this family other than leorio so I decided to take some worry upon myself 
> 
> Leorio: I hate that you’re correct but also it’s okay I can handle all the worry you are still young Kiki 
> 
> Killua: someone has to stop Gon from shaving his whole head 
> 
> Gon: WHY DO YOU WANT TO STOP ME FROM BUZZING MY HEAD SO BAD 
> 
> Gon: I think it would be cool 
> 
> Gon: hair grows back 
> 
> Killua: I wouldn’t like it 
> 
> Gon: oh 
> 
> Gon: you coulda just said that instead of hiding the razor from me >:(
> 
> Killua: how was I supposed to know if I just told you I didn’t want you to because I wouldn’t like it you’d stop 
> 
> Gon: um
> 
> Gon: I would stop doing literally ANYTHING if you told me you didn’t like it, what the actual hell killua?
> 
> Leorio: you sound upset 
> 
> Gon: I’m not. 
> 
> Killua: you sure? 
> 
> Gon: yea 
> 
> Kurapika: I BOILED THE EGG 
> 
> Kurapika: oh I think I interrupted something 
> 
> Leorio: GOOD JOB KURAPIKA YOU WERE ABLE TO COMPLETE SOMETHING I DID AT AGE EIGHT 
> 
> Kurapika: Hey… everyone grows at their own rate 
> 
> Killua: true very true 
> 
> Leorio: you’re so wise kurapika 
> 
> Kurapika: You just made fun of me for boiling an egg and now you’re calling me wise? Make up your mind 
> 
> Leorio: no :-) 

* * *

**Killua- > to -> Gon **

> Killua: are you mad 
> 
> Gon: no 
> 
> Killua: be honest with me 
> 
> Gon: no I’m not mad i don’t lie killua 
> 
> Killua: okay well I’m sorry 
> 
> Gon: I don’t really want an apology killua 
> 
> Killua: I’m confused 
> 
> Gon: killua you can't just let me do whatever I want when we are dating if you don’t like something you need to tell me. The fact that you haven’t been honest about that really upset me. But I’m not really mad at you just upset 
> 
> Killua: oh 
> 
> Killua: I don’t want you to shave your head cuz you’d look weird bald and I think you’d hate it after five minutes
> 
> Killua: it’s not that deep
> 
> Gon: oh my god 
> 
> Killua: what?? I don’t get it why are you upset about this 
> 
> Killua: You can shave your head if you really want.
> 
> Gon: It's not even about shaving my head killua you're stressing me out 
> 
> Killua: How am I stressing YOU out right now?!
> 
> Killua: I don't even understand what you're upset about 
> 
> Gon: I dont wanna have this conversation via text but killua seriously you gotta stop letting me do whatever I want. 
> 
> Gon: If you didn't want me to go in the river last week you should have told me. 
> 
> Gon: If you didn't want me to walk into your room a few nights ago you should have said something. 
> 
> Gon: If you didn't want me to kiss you on the cheek at chicas two days ago you should have told me. If you didn't want to cuddle last night you should have said something. I asked you if you wanted to and you didn't even say anything. This is scaring me I don't wanna do stuff you don't like ok
> 
> Gon: Sometimes I feel like you are just staying with me because I asked and not cuz you want to. And that makes me worry… like a lot. 
> 
> Killua: Oh.
> 
> Gon: Yeah. 
> 
> Killua: wait hold on. I'm trying, words are hard for me. Don't be mad. 
> 
> Gon: I am not mad. Take your time. Just be honest with me.
> 
> Killua: I liked it when you jumped in the river. I liked it when you caught the fish with your bare hands, it was fun. It was you. I liked it when you got mad at me for getting a fish the first try because you're too competitive and I like that about you. I liked it when you kissed me on the cheek at chicas. Even though it was embarrassing I liked it. I really, really liked it when you came into my room and got into my bed. I was so scared and the fact that you knew, and you were there for me made me feel safe. When you made me laugh I was so so happy. You always know how to make me feel better and I am sorry I didn't say anything at the time when you came to help. I’m sorry I just said you were dumb and didnt even tell you how much it meant to me, that you came. I’ll make sure you know next time. 
> 
> Killua: also I am sorry I didn't tell you last night, but I really, really, wanted to cuddle. I woke up suddenly too. I should have told you, but I didn’t. I will next time I promise. 
> 
> Killua: I didn’t say anything about the hair because it's your hair. Not mine. 
> 
> Killua: Don't you dare even think for a second that I'm staying with you just because you asked. I love you. I want to be with you. I am not gonna go anywhere, because I don't want to leave you. Okay?
> 
> Killua: I am not gonna leave. I will be more open with how I am feeling. And Right now I really really love you and I am gonna fix this.
> 
> Killua: I am not leaving. Promise. 
> 
> Gon: okay. 
> 
> Gon: I really love you toooooo
> 
> Gon: UGH KILLUA!!!!
> 
> Gon: Killua why'd you have to make me cry in the bathroom stall at school. The person standing outside is freaked out. I am ugly crying rn thanks a lot 
> 
> Killua: I am sorry I made you cry in the bathroom stall at school It won't happen again 
> 
> Gon: No it's okay. I'm crying in the bathroom stall at school because I'm relieved. 
> 
> Killua: I can not believe you are crying in the bathroom stall at school because you thought I didn’t want to be with you, you and alluka and nanika are everything to me.
> 
> Gon: sorry I just didn't expect us to have this conversation via text while I cried in the bathroom stall at school 
> 
> Killua: People are going to think you are crying over poop. 
> 
> Gon: HAHAHAHksksks
> 
> Gon: you make me feel better too, like take this instance where I am crying in the bathroom stall at school you are making me laugh in the bathroom stall at school
> 
> Killua: UGH Gon
> 
> Killua: You’re gonna make me cry on the couch at home alluka Is already worried 
> 
> Gon: hhejdkl okay 
> 
> Gon: I love you 
> 
> Killua: I know 
> 
> Killua: Can I come walk you home after school? 
> 
> Gon: YEAH! Leorio was supposed to pick me up but I can just tell him to swing by the house instead. 
> 
> Killua: sounds good to me. 
> 
> Killua: see you soon. For now stop crying in the bathroom stall at school and go cry in the classroom at school. 
> 
> Gon: Let someone see me in a vulnerable state? Heck no. I would rather die thanks but I'm gonna just wait until my eyes r back to normal and not teary 
> 
> Killua: what if they think you're skipping 
> 
> Gon: I skip all the time 
> 
> Killua: OH? 
> 
> Gon: HFHSJHGE BYE 
> 
> Killua: NO WHATCHA MEAN BY THAT 
> 
> Killua: GON COME BACK AND EXPLAIN 
> 
> Killua: GON!!!!

* * *

**Gon- > to-> Fearsome Foursome**

> Gon: I just told leorio while he was helping me study that I think he is a lot better at tutoring than killua
> 
> Gon: sorry for being a meanie killua leorio told me to send this in the group chat
> 
> Kurapika: HAHHAHHA 
> 
> Kurapika: Also you're like 16 why did you say meanie 
> 
> Gon: WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY
> 
> Killua: Tell leorio I am gonna beat him up
> 
> Gon: ok I will 
> 
> Leorio: Gon it's okay you should just never curse ever. Stay pure
> 
> Gon: hey leorio 
> 
> Leorio: what 
> 
> Gon: FUCK 
> 
> Leorio: NOOOOO STOP IT    
>  Killua: GON NO
> 
> Gon: :P 
> 
> Kurapika: Now its your turn killua say fuck dont be shy 
> 
> Leorio: KURAPIKA STOP BEING SUCH A INSTIGATOR 
> 
> Killua: no :) 
> 
> Kurapika: Lame. 

* * *

**Killua- > to -> Gon**

> Killua: good morning
> 
> Killua: I know you slept over at Leorios but are you up yet? 
> 
> Gon: SORRY I JUST WOKE UP 
> 
> Gon: GOOD MORNING TO YOU TOO 
> 
> Killua: IT IS 12pm
> 
> Gon: SORRY leorio and I stayed up all night talking
> 
> Gon: how did you sleep kiki 
> 
> Killua: STOP CALLING ME THATSGGHJA 
> 
> Killua: also 
> 
> Killua: I SLEPT GOOD!! 
> 
> Gon: REALLY?? 
> 
> Killua: YES I DID NOT HAVE A NIGHTMARE! 
> 
> Gon: AHHH IM SO HAPPY 
> 
> Gon: I AM GOING TO TELL LEORIO 
> 
> Killua: wait 
> 
> Killua: Can I tell him? 
> 
> Gon: OH YEAH SURE ILL BE QUIET YOU CAN SURPRISE HIM
> 
> Killua: YES! 
> 
> Gon: what did you dream about? 
> 
> Killua: You. 
> 
> Gon: oh 
> 
> Gon: !!!!!!! hjkdhjdhd !!!
> 
> Gon: me too 
> 
> Killua: Really? 
> 
> Gon: yeah youre in almost all my dreams 
> 
> Gon: BUT ANYWYAYAVAVHJA
> 
> Gon: I am so happy for you!!!!!!! :D 
> 
> Killua: Well it makes me happy when you're happy so now im double happy 
> 
> Killua: and nanika and alluka are happy too so im quadruple happy.
> 
> Gon: HAJHKJALj KILLUAAAAAAAAAA
> 
> Killua: WHAT 
> 
> Gon: nothing I just really liked what you said 
> 
> Killua: I will try to say stuff like that more often. 
> 
> Killua: Just for you. 
> 
> Gon: UYFGHSSHN IM CRYING IN DA CLUB STSOO{SPOJn 
> 
> Killua: want me to stop? 
> 
> Gon: NO DONT STOP 
> 
> Killua: HSHJHHhHSHSHHAAAAHAHAH 
> 
> Killua: Okay anything for you, my dear
> 
> Gon: I DONT THINK I CAN SURVIVE THIS OH MOSGSHJS S
> 
> Killua: MWAHAHA
> 
> Gon: ALSO if you get to call me a pet name it's only fair I do the same, Kiki
> 
> Killua: UGH but everyone uses that one it's not even a pet name 
> 
> Gon: I WILL THINK OF SOMETHING BETTER THEN!! JUST FOR YOU 
> 
> Killua: Okay try your best but mine will be better :) 
> 
> Gon: NO IT WONT I WILL THINK OF THE BEST PET NAME JUST YOU WAIT 
> 
> Gon: I- 
> 
> Gon: we just turned this into a competition THIS IS FOOTSIE ALL OVER AGAIN
> 
> Killua: oh dang youre right
> 
> Killua: WE ARE SO WEIRD WHY CANT WE BE NORMAL 
> 
> Gon: IDK but I dont want it any other way you're the only person who can handle my crazy ass and I appreciate it :,) 
> 
> Killua: wELL I BETTER BE! YOUR MY BOYFRIEND FREECS No one else is gonna take care of you like I will. 
> 
> Gon: You are gonna kill me saying this stuff I hope you know that. 
> 
> Killua: I am a heart stealing assassin afterall. 
> 
> Gon: TSYUIGSHJKSHSJKSH KILLUA THAT WAS A GOOD ONE 
> 
> Killua: OK UGH DONT MAKE IT WEIRDER THAN IT IS GON 
> 
> Gon: Hate to say it but I AM weird
> 
> Killua: I know :-) 
> 
> Gon: UGH LEORIO IS MAKING ME STUDY i am gonna drink some cold brew and work on organic chem bye bye 
> 
> Killua: BYE!

* * *

**Killua - > to -> Leorio **

> Killua: guess what 
> 
> Leorio: UM YOU SAID SOMETHING CUTE TO GON THAT KID IS BUZZING RN HIS CHEEKS ARE RED AND HE IS VERY GIDDY 
> 
> Killua: I mean perhaps but not what I meant 
> 
> Leorio: oh? 
> 
> Killua: I DIDNT HAVE A NIGHTMARE LAST NIGHT 
> 
> Leorio: REALLY? 
> 
> Killua: YES! 
> 
> Leorio: NICE IM HAPPY FOR YOU
> 
> Killua: thank you leorio 
> 
> Leorio: And you didn’t have a knee jerk defensive comment ready for me wow 
> 
> Leorio: What happened 
> 
> Killua: I made Gon cry 
> 
> Leorio: Oh
> 
> Leorio: WHAT 
> 
> Killua: NOT IN A BAD WAY I JUST DIDNT REALIZE I WAS BEING A BAD BF THATS ALL AND I WAS APOLOGIZING 
> 
> Leorio: What? How were you being a bad boyfriend 
> 
> Killua: I just idk I am not good with words n stuff I just didn’t realize I wasn’t clear about sharing what I want and how I felt with him that’s all. 
> 
> Killua: I didn’t realize gon needed reassurance. And now I know. 
> 
> Leorio: I- 
> 
> Leorio: I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! YOU DID THAT ALL ON YOUR OWN 
> 
> Killua: GOD LEORIO STOP IT HHSJDJJDJXJ YOURE BEING EMBRASSING ABOUT IT ITS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL 
> 
> Killua: I mean it is but like it’s not 
> 
> Leorio: ok ok I’ll stop but I am proud of you 
> 
> Killua: DONT make me cry I swear to god I will beat your ass
> 
> Leorio: GASP YOU CURSED 
> 
> Killua: gotta look tough somehow 
> 
> Killua: now I’m gonna go do some sudoku from the book kurapika got me goodbye. 
> 
> Leorio: the juxtaposition of those statements I- 
> 
> Leorio: also what did you say to Gon he is still blushing 
> 
> Killua: honestly nothing that crazy it’s still not that easy I was forcing myself to type that stuff out. 
> 
> Killua: I must work harder next time
> 
> Leorio: dang ok if you say so 
> 
> Leorio: go play sudoku now you nerd 
> 
> Killua: SHUT UP YOU'RE THE ANEMIC DAMSEL 
> 
> Leorio: Yet another creative and hurtful insult kiki 
> 
> Killua: GOODBYE RIOLEO
> 
> Leorio: BYE BYE KIKI YOU ARE A CHANGED MAN 
> 
> Killua: UGH 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPEFULLY you saw this argument coming with the dreams killua was having, and the conversations he had with Gon. Honestly no relationship is perfect-- words from my editor. Its healthier to argue and talk it out! Talking and communication is ALWAYS good even if its via text. and ESPECIALLY if youre 16 and dumb... like these kiddies  
> also maybe think of another reason Gon's cheeks would be blushing..... just a thought....


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOTS OF NOTES  
> 1\. Leorio likes coffee liqueur don’t Judge  
> 2\. Coffee liquor is usually like 20.0% alcohol. Even though it was mixed its still a fuck ton especially when you have zero alcohol tolerance, are barely 5’6”, and have accidentally consumed approximately 12 ounces of it.  
> 3\. This chapter is LONG and Painfully awkward at times. Hang in there  
> 4.In this chapter Gon and Killua discuss masturbation and sex, Its very delicately discussed but it still is talked by by them, about them. and Yes I know in canon they are 14 (which tbh most 14 year olds would talk about this?) but their conversation is in no means sensual. Like at all. It's really just them trying to understand each other. As we know Gon (IN CANON and in this) experienced sexual assault, and I think acknowledging this is important, because childhood sexual trauma is NOT something that goes away easily or at all. This is important for me to break down and it's important for their characters and plot. You can skip their conversation if you stop at “Gon don't make this difficult for me to ask you.” and resume at “Hm okay.”  
> 5\. AS ALWAYS, ENJOY and thank you for reading! and shout out to my pal Rosie @sunnysideblonde!!!

**Leorio - > to-> fearsome foursome**

> Leorio: Okay so before anyone is mad at me I just want to say it was an accident. 
> 
> Kurapika: WHaT 
> 
> Killua: wait what im confused 
> 
> Killua: did something happen 
> 
> Killua: GON IS WITH YOU OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED
> 
> Leorio: LET ME EXPLAIN VCVBNMNB
> 
> Leorio: It's not that big of a deal ok
> 
> Killua: THAT IS NOT REASSURING LEORIO
> 
> Leorio: It's actually very funny let me explainnnn
> 
> Killua: ok why did you start off by saying wed be mad 
> 
> Leorio: IDK IM A PISCES I PANICKED
> 
> Leorio: Okay so gons over doing homework with me this afternoon and hes goes to get a drink from the fridge and since this weirdo drinks black coffee he sees the cold brew and pours some in a mug and starts drinking it 
> 
> Leorio: but like half way through the mug hes like “hmmm this actually tastes kinda funny i just didn't want to say anything cuz ur broke” which THANKS A LOT 
> 
> Leorio: and I was like oh what is it I thought it was like juice idk 
> 
> Leorio: and he was like the cold brew in the fridge?
> 
> Leorio: AND JHGJBKN THE COLD BREW HAD COFFEE LIQUOR IN IT BUT GON DIDNT KNOW AND NOW HES KINDA DRUNK I TOOK HIS PHONE AWAY SO HE DOESNT TEXT ANYTHING EMBARRASSING BUT IM GONNA PEE FROM LAUGHING 
> 
> Kurapika: LEORIO
> 
> Kurapika: anything funny happen
> 
> Leorio: NO HE WAS SO SCARED AT FIRST BUT BY THE TIME I TOLD HIM HE WAS ALREADY DRUNK SO HE'S JUST CHILLING i can not believe i got my son drunk 
> 
> Killua: LEORIO I WILL END YOU 
> 
> Kurapika: Define chilling
> 
> Leorio: He's just singing in another language right now
> 
> Leorio: Hes actually pretty good at singing can't believe i found out by getting him drunk on accident because gon can't read labels apparently 
> 
> Killua: BRING HIM BACK HOME
> 
> Leorio: RIGHT NOW?
> 
> Killua: YES BRING HIM BACK RN OR I’LL RUN OVER THERE AND GET HIM MYSELF
> 
> Leorio: OH MY GOD KIKI CHILL I WILL 
> 
> Leorio: i got drunk for the first time when i was 13 its not that big of a deal 
> 
> Killua: I DONT CARE BRING HIM BaCK
> 
> Leorio: ok ok i asked him if he wanted to go drive home and he was like eh and i was like killua will be there and he was like OKAY LETS GO so we are on our way now
> 
> KIllua: GOOD 
> 
> Killua: dont you dare text and drive right now 
> 
> Kurapika: Update me please oh my godddd
> 
> Kurapika: I don’t rmemeber the last time I saw killua this upset 

* * *

**Leorio- > to -> kurapika**

> Leorio: okay im updating you 
> 
> Leorio: so while I was driving gon over he was super restless so i turned on the radio and then we started singing together and it was all good 
> 
> Leorio: BUT 
> 
> Leorio: then we saw roadkil of some small animal idk probably a racoon or a cat maybe a possum but likebvdhjkdw thats not important ANYWAY 
> 
> Leorio: he saw it and then started hysterically crying and wouldn't stop and then when I got to biskys killua was waiting on the driveway LOOKING PISSED and like got up and opened the passenger door before I even had a chance to park
> 
> Leorio: and he like saw gon crying and gave me THE DIRTIEST LOOK EVER
> 
> Leorio: but then turned gon and gave him the SOFTEST LOOK EVER idk how he did that i got whiplash and i'm still shook ANYWAY
> 
> Leorio: gon kept crying before making the cutest grabby hands ever to hug killua and was calling him Killy (Idk where that came from) and killua picked him up from the car (IM CRYING kurapika why don't you pick ME UP????) 
> 
> Leorio: anyway I immediately shut the door and yeeted out of there before killua could yell at me before KILLING me because gon was crying and drunk 
> 
> Leorio: then I sent killua a long text on how to tend to drunk people, and also why gon was crying in the first place and now I wait for him to forgive me and I feel awful cuz we totally bonded earlier and now I feel like I ruined it 
> 
> Kurapika: wow 
> 
> Kurapika: Also I will carry you next time i see you since your such a big baby
> 
> Leorio: KURAPIAK
> 
> Kurapika: But back to that… WOW
> 
> Leorio: yea 
> 
> Kurapika: It wasn’t even your fault though, don’t worry too much. 
> 
> Kurapika: Leorio, him getting drunk and him crying over roadkill you couldn’t have prevented that.
> 
> Leorio: Still 
> 
> Leorio: I feel bad...
> 
> Leorio: And you know how overprotective killua is with everyone he cares about 
> 
> Kurapika: I know… 
> 
> Kurapika: He also cares about you though. 
> 
> Leorio: I know. I just feel bad about it still maybe I should have just stayed 
> 
> Kurapika: Nah might have been for the best that you gave them some space rn. 
> 
> Leorio: Maybe. 
> 
> Kurapika: Don’t beat yourself up about it 
> 
> Leorio: TOO LATE 
> 
> Kurapika: Leorio, come on its not your fault 
> 
> Leorio: But it kinda is 
> 
> Kurapika: Okay well next time tell him the cold brew is alcoholic 
> 
> Leorio: Yeah… 
> 
> Kurapika: Are you home right now 
> 
> Leorio: Yeah why 
> 
> Kurapika: I wouldn’t mind having some cold brew 
> 
> Leorio: Oh okay. 
> 
> Leorio: Come over? 
> 
> Kurapika: Yes. 
> 
> Kurapika: I will give me an hour. 
> 
> Leorio: Okay

* * *

**Killua - > to -> Leorio **

> Killua: Sorry I was really mad that wasn't fair to you. Thanks for sending me that list. 
> 
> Killua: I think gon is just an emotional drunk. Not your fault. 
> 
> Leorio: IM SORRY 
> 
> Killua: SHUT UP 
> 
> Killua: I forgive you. I was just overprotective. I know you could have taken care of him just fine, I just wanted to do it myself. 
> 
> Leorio: Thats kinda possessive dont you think kiki 
> 
> Leorio: SORRUSGSKSN nIM JUST JOKINGJKAJBAK 
> 
> Killua: not in the mood for jokes take my apology thats it. 
> 
> Leorio: Apology accepted. 
> 
> Leorio: is he doing okay
> 
> Killua: Yeah hes just being a baby 
> 
> Leorio: well whats new. 
> 
> Killua: haha. Im gonna go now. 
> 
> Leorio: Update me later 
> 
> Killua: will do. Bye 

* * *

Gon's hair is messy, like a nest, as his heavy head lays comfortably in Killua's lap, warm and reassuring. 

Killua stares at him as Gon keeps babbling about nothing in particular. He had stopped crying a few minutes ago when Killua pulled him into the house, helped him up the stairs despite his slurring protest, and let him lay on him, draping easily over Killua in Gon's bedroom. 

Killua's hand stops in Gon's hair as he shifts up. 

“Killua I think I gotta throw up.” Gon says jumping off the bed, standing wobbly and holding his head. “Got up Too fast.” He wobbles over to the door his body lurching as he runs into the bathroom. Killua watches. 

He makes a quick way over to the bathroom and opened the door to Gon laying his cheek into the toilet seat bowl. 

“Gon thats gross.” Killua says, walking over his hand coming up to rub Gons back, supportingly. 

Gon confuse to puke into the toilet bowl and Killua crouches down, rubbing his shoulders. 

Gon stops heaving, but he doesn’t move his head. His throat scratchy and hot, he can feel it burning. “Killua...” 

“Yes?” Killua says his hand has not left Gon’s clothed back. Yet.

Gon is idly staring into the toilet bowl. His eyes sting and his throat aches and the taste left in his mouth basking in sourness, is bitter and burns up to his nose. The stench in his nose makes him snarl at the water as it flushes loudly ringing his ears. 

“You don't have to stay here.” The words echo in the bathroom, they taste bitter on Gon’s tongue as he continues to force himself to give Killua an out. “I know puking is gross. I’ll be done soon you can just go now.” Gon squeezes his eyes. Why did he sound so small when he said that? And why does he want to cry? 

“No.” 

Gon looks up from the toilet bowl, his eyes watery, his stomach heaving. 

“What?” 

“I’m not leaving.” 

Gon stares. The resolve in Killua’s dark eyes is a bit intense and he doesn’t know where else to look. Gon’s own eyes well up with tears. 

“You’re not? Even though I’m gross?” Gon chokes out sobbing. 

Killua looks at him, his eyebrows concerned, his own eyes glossy as he pulls Gon to his chest. 

“No I’m gonna stay here, and I’m going to take care of you. Okay?” Killua says into Gon’s hair as Gon drunkenly sobs, soaking Killua’s thin shirt. 

Gon's hands land for purchase at Killua’s back, the angle is weird, Killua’s legs sting with the stretch of crouching and Gon is kneeling. Killua pulls back as Gon’s sobbing starts to fade into quieter sniffles. 

“Are you done throwing up or do you need to puke more?” 

“I think I’m good now.” Gon says. 

“Okay. Let’s go back to your room.” 

Killua stands up as Gon stays on the ground staring at him. 

Killua sighs. 

“Do you really want me to carry you three feet?”

Gon looks at Killua, eyes dewy and innocent, he nods. 

Killua stares. Gon has never been like this. He doesn’t know how he feels about how clingy his boyfriend is right now. Or how emotional. 

_Or how vulnerable._

Killua dips back down and hooks his arms under Gon’s legs and Gon reaches his arms around Killua’s neck, and up they go, Killua strides over to Gon’s room. Nanika is standing down the hall. Killua turns to her. 

“Gon?” Nanika says, or asks really. She looks confused and sad, her deep black eyes heartfelt and innocent. 

“I’m okay Nanika!” Gon says he gives her a thumbs up. 

“Aye.” Nanika says but Killua can tell she doesn't believe him. 

“It’s okay Nanika I am going to take care of him okay?” Killua tries to reassure his sister. 

Nanika looks at him and nods. Then Alluka is standing there. Her eyes are concerned but less unknowing than Nanika’s. 

“What’s going on? You just stormed out of the house earlier. You didn’t even say anything. Nanika was so worried.” Alluka looks at Killua sternly. Gon struggles in his arms and Killua lets him plop onto the ground wordlessly. 

Gon looks at Alluka and back to Killua. 

“I’m just drunk. I’m gonna go to bed now and sleep it off. I think. Maybe. I don’t know how it works. We will see I guess. My head hurts.” He looks at Alluka and Killua. _They clearly want to talk_ Gon thinks. 

“Bye now. Good night. Don’t let the bedbugs bite. Tell Nanika I love her.” Gon says and for someone as drunk as he is, is able to go into his room and shut the door very quickly and very quietly. 

Alluka begins to turn to go into their shared room, the one beside Gon’s. Separated by a thick wall. Cement, wood, and foam. 

Killua moves from the hallway into his own room he shuts the door behind him softly and turns to look at it. 

Killua stares at the shut door. His own shadowy reflection mocks him, as it stares back. He hates that damn door so much. He just wants to rip it off it’s golden hinges and stomp on the cheap statin wood until it breaks into tiny splinters— 

“You’re just gonna let him go sleep alone?” Alluka asks. Killua turns back to his sister away from the door. She looks like she is judging him harshly—upset even.

He walks over to where she is sitting on her bed, her phone out now, being set aside as she squints at Killua. Alluka looks mad. He doesn't understand why. 

“He said he’s going to sleep, you seem upset, what's wrong?” He asks Alluka. In truth Killua feels stretched thin. He knows better than to ask Alluka anything when she can see right through him, especially when he feels like muscle stretched taut over bone, when he feels like he’s going to cry out of frustration any second.

Gon’s probably in there drunk crying with a throbbing headache and Alluka is here staring at him angrily. He can’t do anything right can he? The two people he wants to keep happy the most are alone in their anger and their sadness. 

“Killua, why are you standing here? Think about why I’m mad that you’re standing here.” Alluka says sternly, her eyebrows resting over her eyes. 

“Because Nanika was upset and you seem upset because I stormed out earlier—”

“Nanika just wanted to make sure Gon was okay. Now we know.” Alluka cuts him off. “Go back in there. Right now.” Alluka says. 

Killua stares at her. 

“You’re not upset I ran out earlier?” Killua asks.

“No. I’m mad cuz you’re letting your boyfriend be drunk alone in his room right now.” Killua stares. 

“But you said—“

“If you don’t go in there I will.” Alluka stands up. She always stands up. For herself, for what she believes in, Killua sometimes wishes he could be as strong as she is. 

“I’ll go in there and I’ll ask if he wants to play Minecraft with me, and he will say yes and I will be happy to play with him. And you will be in here thinking about how we are happy in there and that should be enough for you right?” Alluka is no longer glaring daggers at Killua, her eyes are open and empathetic, contrasting greatly with how biting her words were. She is wise beyond her 14 years of age, Killua stares almost in awe, staying silent. He doesn’t know what to say to that raw and cruel thing. 

“You really wanna be in this room right now?” Alluka looks at him. Killua feels like he’s going to cry. 

“Didn’t you say you wanted to start telling Gon what you want? Didn’t you say that last night while we stayed up talking?” Alluka stares at him. Killua wants to cry. So he does. He will allow himself this. 

Alluka looks at him, she walks over and pulls him into an embrace. They stay like that for a couple of long seconds then Killua cries harder out of frustration loud and wrenching. And now he’s thinking Gon is gonna hear him sobbing through the walls and think he’s crying because of him and he’s gonna feel bad— 

Alluka lets go.

“I’m gonna go and ask if he wants to play Minecraft if you’re just gonna cry here.” 

Alluka starts walking to the door. 

“No!” Killua says as Alluka stands her eyebrows uplifted. 

Killua's mouth moves, betraying him miraculously, “I want to go make him feel better. I don’t want someone else to do that. I don’t know why but please don’t. I’ll go.” What's the point of demanding Leorio bring him home if he can't be there? If Killua can’t do what he wants to do, be there for him. Him alone, no one else. 

Killua doesn’t even know what he means by that but it’s the unfiltered truth. Alluka moves from the door, she has a small smile, she knew that Killua needed a push. 

“Then go already.” 

Killua dries his wet eyes with his sleeve and begins to move, one foot forward, he reaches for the door, the handle cold and forgotten as he swiftly opens his door and goes to Gon’s and knocks. 

“Yea?” Killua doesn’t wait further. He opens Gon's door and stands to look at Gon; to assess the damage. 

He’s sitting upside down, legs on the wall. 

“Don’t do that, your head is going to hurt worse.” Killua says as Gon shifts to sit normally and Killua takes his place beside Gon, on the bed. 

Gon looks at him with his doe eyes. 

“Were you crying? Killua were you crying because of me I’m sorry—” Gon hops into Killua’s lap and loops his arms around his middle and starts to cry again. 

Killua wants to laugh but that would be rude, quite frankly. So he decides against it as Gon presses his face into Killua’s collarbone. 

“It’s okay you didn’t make me cry. Promise.” 

“You say that but...” 

“No buts.” 

Gon stops crying and moves his face to look at Killua. Assessing him. 

He tilts his head. 

“You feeling okay?” Killua asks. He bets the alcohol feels a bit like ingesting some poison, when you’re first starting out, especially if Gon was throwing up.

“I feel okay now.” Gon laughs lightly pressing his face back into Killua’s neck, Killua moves his hands to lay lovingly along Gon's nape. 

“Because I’m here?” Killua asks. _Hopes._

“Yes.” Gon sniffs him loudly, unapologetically. “You smell good.” He says honestly, unapologetically. 

“Do I?” Killua is letting himself be amused by this now.

“Mhm. I mean you always do. Thought you should know.” 

“Now I know.” 

“Yes, now you know.” 

The silence is warm and buzzing in Killua's stomach as Gon hums a tune absentmindedly, he presses a chaste kiss to Killuas jaw. 

Killua hums. Gon stirs. 

“Do you really wanna stay here?” Gon asks. 

“Like with you right now in your room, or at Bisky’s in general?” Killua wonders aloud about what Gon meant. Gon moves to stare into Killua. He looks at him funny for a few seconds. Killua clears his throat to remind Gon he had asked a question. Gon’s mouth moves like clockwork after that. 

“I know you want to stay at Bisky's you said so yesterday. On our walk, and I believe you. I mean now, with me, like this.” Gon is looking more serious now. 

“Yes.” Killua breathes. “I want to be here for you.” Gon stays silent and he knows what Killua said was open ended, Killua wants to say more out loud. Killua looks away. It’s still hard. He will get there. Right now it’s okay if he looks away. It’ll be easier for now and when he gets better at this, whatever this is, he will look directly into Gon’s blinding light and not flinch. Killua stares dumbly at Gon's lava lamp. A dumb thing they won at an arcade on one of their dates. They worked hard for those tickets so they could win some stupid glowy lamp. He swallows and continues his thought out loud. 

“If you would let me, Gon, I- I uh I could take care of you. Ya know?” Killua looks intensely at the lava lamp. The lava lamp’s super plumes merge together then apart, he can feel Gon staring into him. It burns. 

“Not really.” 

Killua feels like his heart will burst from beating so hard, this is so awkward. “You know like, now when you’re throwing up I want to be there holding your hair back.” 

“My Hair doesn’t get in the way though.” 

“Gon please don’t make this harder than it needs to be. That's just the saying. I'm trying my best.” Killua turns to give Gon a look. 

Gon looks at him and smiles, Killua knows that smile, that’s the smile where Gon is very pleased with what he is about to say— 

“Try harder than.” His eyes go squinty as he smiles brightly. Killua wants to smack him. 

“Gon.” 

“I’m just saying Killy. I don’t know what you’re thinking. I may be a mind reader sometimes, but that’s only sometimes. You gotta say the stuff you wanna say.” Gon is a bit incoherent but Killua knows he's being truthful, Gon shrugs as he goes to get off Killua, but Killua’s grip on him tightens Gon looks at him confused. 

“Stay here?” Killua asks. 

Gon smiles. “Sure.” 

Killua pats his shoulder and Gon lays his head on it. Killua lays them both backwards into Gon's bed. His arms wrapped around him. Gon rubs his head on Killua's chest affectionately. “See,” Gon mumbles. “That wasn’t so hard.” Their legs begin to tangle. 

Killua's hands on Gon's waist clenches the shirt tightly. 

Gon smiles, Killua feels it in his chest.

“I wish Bisky would just let us sleep together. I don’t know why she doesn’t.” Gon yawns. 

“You getting sleepy?” Killua asks. 

“Yeah.” 

“I want to stay here holding you.” Killua says into Gon's hair. 

“I want you to stay here holding me. What’s stopping you?” 

“Nothing.” Killua says simply. “I guess I will.” 

Silence follows. Gon breaths. “You make me feel good. And safe.” He whispers this, as if the words are too delicate to be spoken any louder, as if they will break the moment they fall off his tongue. 

Killua's eyes open and he looks at the boy in his arms. 

Gon continues “I never thought that, embracing someone like this, other than Mito of course, would feel this safe. And this good. Then we did. That one time. And I never wanted to have anyone else touch me ever again.”

There is a long and heavy beat of silence, Killua isn’t sure what to say to that delicate and melodious thing. 

Gon’s mouth moves for him “Maybe it’s the alcohol talking, but Killua, It was fate we met. I think. Thank you. For being here with me after everything.” 

Killua frowns. “It’s the alcohol talking. Don’t thank me for doing something I want to do. I want you to feel safe. I don’t want to touch anyone else and I don't want anyone else to touch you either.” 

“Mmm. Killua. I wish you could sleep with me in my room every night.” Gon rubs his head against Killua’s collarbone lovingly. Killua smiles, his nails scratching soothing circles onto Gon's back. 

“Me too.” 

“I think it’s dumb Bisky doesn't let us.” 

“She just doesn’t want us doing other stuff or something like that.” Killua trails off. 

“What other stuff? Like staying up late talking?” 

“No different stuff.” 

“Like drugs and murder?” 

“A little too late for that huh.” Killua and Gon laugh a little at that. Silence falls after. 

“Mmmmm.” Gon hums. 

“Gon. I know. Um. We’ve been dating for a while —” 

“Almost 6 months.”

“Really?” Killua didn’t realize it's been that long. Time moves so fast with him. 

“Yes. time flies when you are having fun. And we have lots of fun.” Gon says with amusement. 

Killua smiles softly. Maybe he can talk about this fragile thing another time, when it isn't as likely to break. “I guess so. We started dating in January, it's July now huh?” 

“Yeah.” 

Killua hums, he brings his hand to mess with Gon’s hair. Long pale fingers swimming in the waves of Gon’s dark hair.

“What is it?” Gon whisperers like Killua has a secret. 

“Oh nothing. I just was thinking.” 

“Thinking about what? You know, I like the things you think about.” 

“Yes I know. You like the thoughts in my head.” They laugh a little at their inside joke, its tradition, laughing at that is their pavlov. 

“What is it? You can tell me anything. I like hearing your voice. And listening to you talk.” Gon is too earnest drunk, Killua decides. 

“You’re very mushy drunk you know that?” 

“Hm maybe just with you.” 

“Just with me huh?” 

“Yeah.” Silence follows. Killua is content listening to their breath mingle, their breathing is in sync. Killua wonders if maybe, their hearts beat in sync too? 

“Will you tell me?” Gon pushes. Killua looks to the side at him, He scooted up a bit. His eyes are lidded, he's still drunk. Killua thinks, maybe his fragile question won't shatter like porcelain, won't crumble into angelic white glass shards in his hands. Maybe it’ll be easier to ask. To talk about what he wants like this. Just for now, until he gets better at it. And He will get better. He is determined. And if it breaks he will pick up the broken pure porcelain pieces and sew them back together with silver string, he will do it with the same care as an artisan does their practiced kintsugi. 

Killua starts to talk. Gon stops and listens, his eyes closing as he listens to the sweet melody of Killua’s voice flowing over him, making his insides feel warm and gooey like honey. 

“It’s just. We are both 16, and um we have been dating for almost half a year and um, all we’ve done is kiss.” Killua’s hand is tangled in Gon’s hair.

“Does there need to be more?” Gon’s hand is on Killua’s shoulder, where it meets his neck. Their hands that are not in use, are intertwining now. Like their hands were made just to hold one another, like a lock and key. Gon's eyes stay shut, he hears Killua’s voice vibrate in his chest. He feels their hearts beat. 

“Not if you don’t want more.” Killua looks up at the smooth and white ceiling. 

“I mean if you really want to get rings...” Gon slurs teasing. 

“Gon don't make this more difficult for me to ask you.” Killua shuts the tease down. Gon makes a sound of confusion, a sound of wanting Killua to explain further so he does. He turns away from the ceiling and looks back down to his partner, his best friend. 

“Gon. You know when we are kissing and it gets more heated.” 

“Yeah.” Gon keeps his eyes closed. Killua is almost thankful. He can look at Gon as his dark eyelashes flutter while he talks to him, it's easier without his golden eyes blinding him. 

“We always stop.” Killua’s thumb starts stroking Gon’s knuckles, in comfort. 

“Yeah.” 

“Why do you stop?” Killua looks as Gon’s eyebrows creases, his eyes still shut. _His eyelids must feel heavy,_ Killua thinks to himself. 

“Why do you?” Gon asks.

“Because you do.” Killua answers. A beat of silence, Killua frowns. He untangles his hand from Gon’s hair and places it reassuringly on his shoulder blade. “I would never continue if you didn’t want to. Never ever.” 

“Oh. I didn't think about that.” Gon admits. 

“Gon.” Killua’s eyes flood with concern, he stares down at his favorite person in the world, his best friend, and Killua can feel a big crack form in his heart, like priceless pottery ready to shatter. Gon’s eyes, though closed, seem confused. 

“Sorry.” Gon says. 

Killua feels fierce protectiveness coursing through him, alongside the blood in his veins. “Why are you apologizing to me.” 

Gon doesnt answer. It's silent. He can hear the old house continue to creak, as it settles into its foundation further. Gon opens his eyes, he looks at Killua, and Killua feels brave enough to continue to look back. “You want to have sex don’t you.” Gon asks emotionlessly, like it’s a fact, like it's not a desire, or a want or a pure loving emotion Killua feels sharp in his chest. 

“Gon!” Killua feels his face warm. He says this warningly on impulse. A knee-jerk reaction he feels bad immediately after for sounding so stern when he brought it up. 

Gon’s eyes glint. “What you brought it up, don’t be embarrassed now. Admit it or tell me I’m wrong.” 

“You’re not wrong.” Killua stares at him. He hopes Gon understands. 

“Ah.” Gon breaths. 

Silence hangs in the air. It's awkward this time. Killua doesn't know how to go about it. He peers back at the lava lamp. The weird blobs glow hot, they merge together and apart and back together again. “Have you ever thought about it?” He asks Gon delicately. 

“I try not to.” Gon admits. 

“Even if it’s us?” Killua pretends not to feel hurt. Gon senses that hurt, of course he does, Killua would be a fool to think otherwise. 

“Killua. You know, I don’t even touch myself. It brings back...Things. Bad things. I dont like to remember.” 

“What? Why are you saying this now?” 

“I’m drunk and it’s the truth. Isn't that a thing?” 

“No I mean why did you wait so long to mention this.” 

“Didn’t seem too important. Don’t like talking about it. And I may have just assumed everyone was like this.” 

“That everyone our age just doesn’t masturbate?” 

“Killua, do you?” Gon asks. He looks at Killua curiously. It throws off Killua a bit. 

“What?” Gon doesn’t answer Killua's weak 'what', he just looks at him expecting him to continue. He will try and be brave. Killua looks directly at Gon’s eyes. “Yes I do.” 

“When?” Gon asks further. 

“I don’t know, when I’m alone.” Killua answers further. 

“Does it feel good?” 

“Yes.” 

“Oh.” Gon breaths out shuddering.“Killua.” The hands that are intertwined tighten. The hand Gon has placed on Killua’s shoulder is raised up to glaze Killua’s jaw with his warm fingers.

“What?” Killua brings his hand to mirror Gon’s placing it on Gon’s jaw, Gon closes his eyes and rubs his face further into Killua’s cool palm for a few seconds then moves back to looking at Killua. 

“This could be like kissing all over again.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I was scared because all the times before I didn’t like it. And I tried to think of doing it with you and I couldn’t. It was too hard. So when we did it that first time, it shocked me. Because I liked it.” 

“I remember.” 

“Maybe it’s like that.” 

Killua’s grip on their hands tightens.“Gon I don’t think this is a good idea. You said it brings back bad memories. I don’t want to hurt you like that.” 

Gon hums at that dismissively. He squeezes Killua’s hand back. “But maybe if it’s you.”

“If it’s me what?” 

“It could be different. Like the kissing.” 

Killua lets go of Gon’s hand. “Do you even get aroused when we kiss?” 

Gon reaches for his hand again, he finds it without breaking eye contact with Killua, Gon’s hand hovers above his own open palmed hand, their warmth mingling together. “I’m not sure.” Gon admits. 

Killua sighs and presses his palm up to Gon’s, who laces their fingers together. “How does it feel when we kiss deeper?” Killua asks. 

“Oh. Okay. Sometimes my stomach feels weird and I feel blood rushing everywhere. Everywhere. And I want to keep going but that scares me and that’s when we stop.” 

“Why does it scare you.” 

“I don’t know I’ve just never felt that emotion before. I don’t know where it comes from.” 

“That’s arousal.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Then I guess to answer your earlier question—” 

Killua stops him. “I get it now.”

Silence drapes over them again. Gon stirs, he looks away from Killua. Killua’s eyes watch as he stares at their hands. “Do you want to try? To go further Killua?” 

Killus frowns. “Not right now. Not when you’re still tipsy.” 

“Hm. Okay. Later?” 

“Do you?” Killua lifts Gon’s chin lightly, to get Gon’s eyes back on him. It works. Gon looks at him, eyes more intense now, their eye contact is unbreakable now. 

“Do I What?” 

“Want to go further?” Killua’s thumb caresses Gon’s cheek. 

Gon stares into him, his eyes passionate, full of love, and drunken honesty. “I’d do anything you want to do. Tell me what _you_ want this time. I wanna know.”

“I do.” Killua breathes. 

“You what?” Gon asks. Killua can't tell if he is being difficult or if his drunk mind is just confused. 

Killua breaks eye contact. He looks away. It's too embarrassing to say out loud, but he needs to tell Gon, he _wants_ to tell Gon how he feels. “I do,” he breaths “I want to make you feel good.” 

Gon reaches and pulls Killua’s face to look at him, “You always make me feel good, Killua.” 

“Really?” He wants to hear it, he hopes to hear it.

“Yes.” Gon reassures him. Always. 

Killua wants to explain he doesn’t mean when they hug each other on the couch on lazy afternoons, he doesn't mean when they beat Leorio and Alluka at board games and they cheer loudly as they high five, he doesn’t mean when they hold hands under the table at dinner, he doesn’t mean when Gon’s face lights up every time he goes to walk him home from school. He means Something else. Killua’s thumb rubs Gon’s jaw. Gon is patient with him, Killua thinks he might be the only one Gon is ever patient with. Killua opens his mouth. 

“Well I want to make you feel good somewhere new. Somewhere, in a way no one else can.” His eyes are full of love, Gon’s eyes, they melt when Killua says that, and Killua feels himself hold his breath. 

Gon Smiles. “Hm okay.” A beat of silence. Killua is holding his breath still, Gon starts again “I think I want that too. I like the way you think.” Killua exhales as they both giggle at that. Easy and in love. 

“Killua” Gon asks. 

“Yes?” Killua answers. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Silence follows, Killua’s eyes blink, he notices it's darker in the room now. They’ve been here a while. It's dark outside. The open window lets the warm summer breeze in, as the room is tinted in cool blues and grays. 

“Killua?” 

“Yes Gon?” 

“Will you stay here? After I fall asleep?” 

Killua laughs at that, Gon shouldn't even ask

“Yeah well, someones gotta make sure you don’t choke on your own puke.” he teases before he can stop himself. 

Gon tries not to smile at that “Killua.” he warns, his smile breaking through. 

Killua’s eyes shut happily. “Sorry. Yes I will stay here. I want to be here with you.” 

“Mmm.” Gon hums, his eyes following Killua’s chasing after sleep. 

“Gon?” 

“Yes?” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Silence. They drift into unconsciousness together slowly. 

“Killua?” Gon whispers. 

“Are you tired?” Killua asks.

“I’m tired.” Gon answers. 

“Me too.” 

Silence, they begin to drift further. 

“Killua.” 

“Yes?” 

“If I forget this conversation—” 

Killua interrupts and reassures,“You won't, you didn’t drink that much.” 

“Yes but if I do, Killua, promise you’d have it again.” This was just as important to Gon as it was to Killua, Gon continues before Killua could say anything. “That you’d have it again with me no matter how awkward it feels.” 

“I promise.” Killua whispers, his eyes shut into Gon’s hair. 

“Pinkie swear.” Gon slurs. 

“Okay.” Killua doesn’t open his eyes as Gon brings his pinkie clumsily to Killua's, their eyes are both closed, they wrap their pinkies together, fumbling, sleepily, their thumbs press together in a kiss, and then the hands fall onto each other.

“Go sleep now okay?” Killua says. 

“Okay” 

“I got you. I won’t let go.” 

“Okay. I won’t either.” 

“Good.” 

“Good.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay more notes.  
> I am a crazy fire sign and I finished this whole fic. I will probably update EVERYDAY cuz I am crazy and I get excited to share my work with all of you.  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and get ready for an angst overload coming up. All the dream foreshadowing will begin to make sense and take shape.  
> You can follow me on my hxh tumblr @disastergaykillua <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH yes I know updating daily??? YOU CRAZY LEO YOU!  
> anyway I am so excited for everyone to see the scenes I have lined up. Enjoy some brotherly bonding, nagging, and Gon being crazy as per usual.  
> We get a little glimpse into what is going on with Kurapika and Leorio today....Hm.....  
> As always, Thanks for reading and enjoy!

**Gon- > to -> kurapika**

> Gon: Hewwo 
> 
> Kurapika: Go back to bed weren’t you just drunk off your ass. 
> 
> Gon: SHUT IT and that WAS yesterday
> 
> Gon: I may or may not have been hung over all day. Can not believe I wasted a perfectly good sunday in bed. 
> 
> Kurapika: I knew you would be a lightweight. Can not believe my friend is an emotional drunk. How lame 
> 
> Gon: STOP BEING A MEANIE KURAPIKA 
> 
> Kurapika: No <3 
> 
> Kurapika: fine. You had a rough day. I will be nice to you. 
> 
> Gon: :D 
> 
> Kurapika: I bet Killua was extra nice though. 
> 
> Kurapika: Probably nursing you back to health :)
> 
> Gon: YOU ARE TEASING THAT IS NOT NICE PIKA >:(
> 
> Kurapika: FINE 
> 
> Kurapika: I am being nice to you by caring for your health. Go to bed 
> 
> Gon: SHUT UP LEORIO IS INFECTING YOU 
> 
> Gon: also cant Im outside 
> 
> Kurapika: GON ARE YOU TAKING ANOTHER NIGHT WALK 
> 
> Kurapika: YOU COULD GET KIDNAPED oR STALKED LIKE LAST TIME 
> 
> Gon: well first, I can handle it you know that
> 
> Gon: and also Consider: I am much stronger than them 
> 
> Kurapika: Consider: what if they are stronger 
> 
> Gon: Consider: I would win 
> 
> Kurapika: Consider: what if THEY ARE STRONGER 
> 
> Gon: Consider: I would rather die than be defeated 
> 
> Kurapika: Is dying not being defeated 
> 
> Gon: no running away is. 
> 
> Kurapika: I mean… 
> 
> Kurapika: YOU KNOW WHAT GON 
> 
> Gon: WHAT KURAPIKA 
> 
> Kurapika: I am at Leorio's 
> 
> Gon: Okay and 
> 
> Kurapika: I am near you 
> 
> Gon: Okay and???? 
> 
> Kurapika: I have decided I want to go on a midnight walk with you. Where are you?
> 
> Gon: REALLY??? :D LIKE OLD TIMES?!
> 
> Kurapika: YES 
> 
> Gon: Wait 
> 
> Gon: won't leorio notice
> 
> Kurapika: Yeah well I am an adult and can do whatever my heart desires 
> 
> Kurapika: Also I am stronger than him. I walk HIM to HIS car ya dig? 
> 
> Gon: No? 
> 
> Kurapika: UGH NEVERMIND WHERE ART THOU 
> 
> Gon: ARE WE TALKING YE OLE ENGLISH NOW
> 
> Kurapika: No not again last time I had to look up new words and that was embarrassing for me. 
> 
> Gon: OKAY SORRY I AM AT CHICAS NOW 
> 
> Kurapika: Ok sick I will be there in 5 minutes 
> 
> Gon: Isn't it like a 15 minute drive 
> 
> Kurapika: Not if you drive fast enough. 
> 
> Kurapika: see you soon! 
> 
> Gon: YAYYY

* * *

**Leorio - > to -> Kurapika **

> Leorio: I thought you said you’d stop leaving after. 
> 
> Kurapika: I’m on a walk with gon right now, we can talk later. Go back to sleep.
> 
> Leorio: you guys haven’t gone on a late night walk together in a while. 
> 
> Leorio: you guys said you would stop doing them. 
> 
> Kurapika: Im sorry. I guess I lied. 
> 
> Leorio: oh. 
> 
> Kurapika: can you be mad at me instead of getting all sad about it. 
> 
> Leorio: why 
> 
> Kurapika: I know when you’re sad you forgive me. I would prefer you to be angry at me. 
> 
> Leorio: you always say that. I don’t know what you mean. 
> 
> Leorio: whatever kurapika. I guess I got too comfortable with you sleeping beside me. 
> 
> Kurapika: yeah maybe. 
> 
> Leorio: you need space? 
> 
> Kurapika: yeah. 
> 
> Leorio: alright.
> 
> Kurapika: go back to bed. 
> 
> Leorio: i will. 
> 
> Kurapika: sweet dreams. 
> 
> Leorio: i wish.

* * *

**Leorio- > to -> fearsome foursome **

> Leorio: KILLUA COME nAG AT OUR STUPID IMPULSIVE FRIENDS GONA ND KURAPIKA WITH ME 
> 
> Killua: WHY ME 
> 
> Leorio: Youre the only other sane one 
> 
> Killua: I- 
> 
> Killua: I have never been called sane before what is this feeling? 
> 
> Killua: I think I will now experience catharsis 
> 
> Gon: KURAPIKA YOU SNITCH
> 
> Gon: you know what they say 
> 
> Kurapika: What do they say gon? 
> 
> Gon: SNITCHES ARE BICTHES I AM BETRAWYED 
> 
> Kurapika: THATS NOT EVEN THE RIGHT SAYING 
> 
> Kurapika: YOU LIL DUMMY I DIDNT SNITCH I WAS IN BED WITH HIMOF COUSRE HE WOULD NOTICE ME LEAVING 
> 
> Killua: TMI KURAPIKA 
> 
> Gon: be more sneaky next time I can escape the house without bisky or killua noticing and killua is the lightest sleeper ever, and bisky is just scary 
> 
> Killua: IM SORRY DID YOU SNEAK OUT LAST NIGHT 
> 
> Leorio: Thanks kiki!!! 
> 
> Gon: SEE i am sneaky 
> 
> Killua: are you sure I’m the former assassin 
> 
> Gon: please don’t flatter me you know I don’t have the discipline or mental strength for that line of work 
> 
> Gon: way too much training for me no thanks i also liked having fun during my early childhood 
> 
> Kurapika: Are you seriously talking about assassins like it’s a noble profession right now 
> 
> Gon: I am simply saying it is a lot of hard work 
> 
> Gon: also I would collapse under torture tbh like I like getting a lil roughed up but I’d go crazy if I don’t get food and water i don’t have the mental stability for that :,( idk how killua got through any of that 
> 
> Gon: hes so strong 
> 
> Leorio: Love the honestly there pal 
> 
> Leorio: Kiki do be strong doe 
> 
> Kurapika: Wow beautiful Gon 
> 
> Killua: I- 
> 
> Killua: you were made for me 
> 
> Gon: KILKYA JESUS CHRISTSUDNAJSNAJDISJJDJWJXUSHXUSXISOSND 
> 
> Gon: ON MAIN HOW COUDLS YSOXU WHYSBDJDKCJD 
> 
> Kurapika: YOU GOOD? 
> 
> Gon: no 
> 
> Killua: :) 
> 
> Leorio: CAN WD GO BACK TO NAGGING 
> 
> Killua: sure 
> 
> Leorio: HOLD ON 

* * *

**Leorio - > to -> Da Fam**

> Leorio: ALULU 
> 
> Alluka: yes!? 
> 
> Leorio: nag at gon and kurapika with us 
> 
> Kurapika: FUCK YOU LEORIO I AM A FULLY FUNCTIONING ADULT I CAN DO WHAT I WANT AND IF THAT JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE A MIDNIGHT WALK WITH MY GOOD FRIEND I WILL CHOSE TO DO SO!
> 
> Alluka: wait that sounds fun 
> 
> Gon: you may sneak out and join us next time 
> 
> Alluka: YES 
> 
> Killua: NO!!! 
> 
> Gon: UGH kiki stop being so worried 
> 
> Killua: SO MANY things could go wrong 
> 
> Leorio: YEA
> 
> Gon: WELL DUH TAHTS JUST LIFE 
> 
> Gon: EVERYTING CAN GO WRONG AT ANY MOMENT AS LONG AS YOU ARE BREATHING
> 
> Gon: sometimes ya just gotta make big mistakes 
> 
> Gon: they turn out the best sometimes 
> 
> Kurapika: That was beautiful gon 
> 
> Alluka: ditto 
> 
> Killua: I- 
> 
> Leorio: UGH GON 
> 
> Leorio: Give me one example of a Big mistake that turned out good 
> 
> Gon: I CAN DO BETTER HERES THREE EVERYONE SHUT UP I HAVE THE FLOOR NOW
> 
> Gon: PACEMAKERS! (come on DOCTOR leorio you should know this one)
> 
> Gon: chocolate chip cookies!!!
> 
> Gon: AND uh idk….. maybe...
> 
> Gon:...ME??? 
> 
> Alluka: GON!
> 
> Kurapika: I am so sorry I'm laughing. It's cruel but I can't help myself… 
> 
> Killua: OH MYGODVHJKAA GON SHUT UPPPO NO YIRUE NOT
> 
> Leorio: Honestly gon, I am convinced you were a test tube baby thus, not a mistake 
> 
> Gon: I DONT KNOW IF THATS BETTER OR WORST 
> 
> Leorio: Hm rereading that me neither 
> 
> Killua: Gon do you need to talk 
> 
> Gon: NIOSUYYA NO I CANT MAKE JOKES NOW?? 
> 
> Alluka: I thought it was funny 
> 
> Alluka: I can relate :-) 
> 
> Alluka: HAPPY ACCIDENT GANG -me n nanika
> 
> Gon: HAPPY ACCIDENT GANG LAHAJA NANIKAAAAAA ALLUKAAAAA I LOVE YOU 
> 
> Killua: UGH YOU GUYS JSTOOSBJ S
> 
> Alluka: its the truth. Doesnt bother me anyway. 
> 
> Alluka: I can acknowledge I was a mistake but still love and accept myself anyways you guys are just cowards. 
> 
> Alluka: except gon
> 
> Gon: see this is why alluka is my favorite 
> 
> Killua: me too. 
> 
> Killua: so wise… 
> 
> Alluka: CAN IT 
> 
> Leorio: ALLUKA I AM CRYING 
> 
> Alluka: OHHHH NOOOO 
> 
> Kurapika: I dont cry. 
> 
> Alluka: I can try to make you :) if you want :) 
> 
> Kurapika: That is so ominous alluka thank you 
> 
> Alluka: You Are Welcome :) 
> 
> Leorio: Alluka sometimes your power scares me 
> 
> Alluka: As It Should 

* * *

**Leorio - > to -> Fearsome foursome**

> Leorio: Hello I have a favor to ask 
> 
> Leorio: So, at the hospital we do rounds in they have this day where you bring either a younger sibling or a nephew or like your kid to the hospital and show them around 
> 
> Leorio: And I really want to be part of it…. 
> 
> Leorio: So like if one of you wants to go and killua you can ask alluka if she wants to. I can only bring one though. 
> 
> Killua: Alluka has been going to this girls club Bisky started so idk if she can…
> 
> Kurapika: Girls club? 
> 
> Gon: ITS LIKE A JUDO CLUB
> 
> Killua: Like for martial arts! She's making lots of friends :,) 
> 
> Leorio: OMG I AM HAPPY WHEN DID SHE StART GOING
> 
> Killua: Idk like a few weeks ago. I am just happy because her only other friend is Zushi and I don’t trust like that 
> 
> Gon: hey they be cute doe 
> 
> Killua: No :)
> 
> Leorio: Protective much? 
> 
> Leorio: KAJHAJKA ANYWAY BACK TO THE FAM DAY
> 
> Gon: what day is it? 
> 
> Leorio: It may or may not be this tuesday. 
> 
> Kurapika: Leorio… Thats in two days… 
> 
> Kurapika: AND YOUR ASKING THEM NOW 
> 
> Leorio: LISTENNNN I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MED STUDENTS ARE ALLOWED TO DO IT I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST DOCTORS/RESIDENTS 
> 
> Gon: I cant I have a test in my geology class :,( though if you wanna call me out of it I am not opposed :D
> 
> Leorio: NO. 
> 
> Killua: I will go 
> 
> Leorio: REALLY
> 
> Killua: yea sure I don’t have anything else to do 
> 
> Leorio: KIKI THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU!!!!!! 
> 
> Killua: oh on second thought…. 
> 
> Leorio: fine i take it back I hate you 
> 
> Killua: Thats better 
> 
> Gon: JUST ACCEPT LEORIO'S LOVE KILLUA 
> 
> Killua: no cant make me 
> 
> Kurapika: ACCEPT IT OR ELSE 
> 
> Killua: you’re one to talk 
> 
> Kurapika: I- 
> 
> Leorio: OKAY TIME TO LOG OFF 
> 
> Killua: THIS IS A PHONE 
> 
> Leorio: SORRY MY OFFICE HOURS ARE CLOSED 
> 
> Killua: you guys are impossible 
> 
> Gon: if anyone hates leorio I will destroy them with my bare fists 
> 
> Killua: No weapons or anything?
> 
> Gon: no weapons just my fists
> 
> Gon: Weapons Are For Cowards
> 
> Kurapika: You BITCH YOU know I use weapons
> 
> Gon: yea but your weapons are made with your nen so they don’t really count ya know? If the person has nen weapons should be allowed then. When I say weapons are for cowards I mean like people who are nenless and also like the people who bring knives to fist fights. 
> 
> Gon: That's why when you go to a fist fight you always need to bring a small concealable weapon like brass knuckles, just in case
> 
> Gon: you can't trust anyone at fist fights these days
> 
> Killua: Gon in all due respect what the actual heck who told you that
> 
> Leorio: Should I be concerned? 
> 
> Gon: no :) just giving good sound advice like always :)
> 
> Killua: WHO TOLD YOU THAT 
> 
> Leorio: I am not even gonna bother commenting you wacko
> 
> Killua: GON
> 
> Kurapika: Ok you are forgiven, Gon. For now. 
> 
> Kurapika: And also, it's okay Gon I will destroy the hypothetical leorio haters, they probably are nenless-weapon-using cowards. 
> 
> Kurapika: You are a little scrawny and I have my nen like you said, so I’ll beat them up 
> 
> Leorio: I know YOUR FLAT ASS did not call Gon scrawny kurapika 
> 
> Gon: SHUT UP JUST BECAUSE IM 5’6 DOESNT MEAN IM SCRAWNY SHDJDJJSND I’m still growing I think …….. :,( 
> 
> Killua: just admit you’ve stoped growing height wise 
> 
> Gon: NO I STILL CAN I THIBK 
> 
> Killua: also I don’t think youre scrawny you can bench press like 650lbs 
> 
> Gon: THANKS KILLUA I LOVE YOU
> 
> Gon: OH YEAH AND I CAN DEADLIFT 510 
> 
> Gon: AND I DONT EVEN HAVE NEN SO THERE 
> 
> Kurapika: Thank god I’m taller by two inches still 
> 
> Leorio: WAIT SERIOUSLY 510??? How your arms aren’t even that beefy 
> 
> Killua: please never refer to gon’s arms as beefy ever again I am begging you 
> 
> Leorio: BEEFY
> 
> Killua: hey Kurapika I am taller than you 
> 
> Kurapika: FUCK OFF YOU ACTUAL BABY 
> 
> Killua: wanna know how much I deadlift 
> 
> Gon: NO BE QUIET STOP RUBBING IT IN MY FACE 
> 
> Gon: ITS BAD SNOUGH YOUR LIKE FOUR INCHES TALLER THAN ME AND STILL GROWING HNNNNN
> 
> Killua: not my fault the Zoldycks have the superior tall genes 
> 
> Leorio: WHAT IS KILLUAS DEADLIFT WEIGHT I WANNA KNOWWWWW 
> 
> Gon: DOESNT MATTER I WILL BEAT IT 
> 
> Gon: GIVE ME ANOTHER MONTH 
> 
> Killua: who's to say I won’t break 600 in another month? 
> 
> Gon: NOOOOO 
> 
> Kurapika: Leorio can deadlift more than both of you he is just choosing not to say anything out of love 
> 
> Leorio: SHJDIDHDJDJ 
> 
> Killua: everyday i respect leorio a little bit more 
> 
> Leorio: AWE KIKIII
> 
> Killua: minus five respect points 
> 
> Leorio: HAIDJDJD NOOOOO 
> 
> Leorio: please respect me a little bit during the family day 
> 
> Killua: no :) 
> 
> Killua: also can we come up with a fake story to tell people when they ask how we are related 
> 
> Kurapika: You should just look them dead in the eyes and tell them you are blood brothers. 
> 
> Leorio: HJSODKDJDD I AM LIKE FIVE SHADES DARKER THAN KILLUA 
> 
> Killua: we can say we are identical twins 
> 
> Killua: I may not look it but I am actually 24 years old 
> 
> Gon: KILLUA AJDIKDJD Hahahha 
> 
> Leorio: HSISKDKDKD YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE ME
> 
> Killua: don’t be racist leorio 
> 
> Gon: I- 
> 
> Kurapika: Tell people that he's your child you had him early 
> 
> Leorio: I HAD HIM AT AGE NINE KURAPIKA WHAT NO 
> 
> Killua: we are half siblings 
> 
> Gon: I don’t think you guys could even pull off half siblings 
> 
> Gon: leorio and I on the other hand….. 
> 
> Leorio: EVERYTIME GON AND I ARE OUT PEOPLE ASK IF WE ARE BROTHERS EVERYTIME 
> 
> Leorio: I just stoped correcting them at this point and say yes 
> 
> Gon: even though our ids have different last names ahhsjdjdjd 
> 
> Leorio: People are illiterate 
> 
> Kurapika: Just like Gon 
> 
> Kurapika: OH NVM I forget it’s dyscalculia not dyslexia 
> 
> Gon: STOP BEING A MEANIE PIKA >:( 
> 
> Kurapika: I was very nice to you earlier I must make up for it 
> 
> Gon: OR you can just be nice to me as a treat :-) 
> 
> Kurapika: Hm… no. 
> 
> Kurapika: Someone in here has to be a little mean to you. Alluka adores you, you have killua wrapped around your finger and leorio is leorio….
> 
> Killua: HOW dare YOU IMPLY SUCH A THING 
> 
> Gon: you’re not wrong pika 
> 
> Killua: GON SHUT THE FRICK UP AHISJDJDJND 
> 
> Leorio: WHAT DOES LEORIO IS LEORIO MEAN 
> 
> Killua: It means you’re too nice and you let people walk all over you. 
> 
> Leorio: Can’t help being a Pisces 
> 
> Leorio: AND ALSO NO I DO NOT 
> 
> Kurapika: Yes you do. You big softy 
> 
> Leorio: Shut it I hate this family 
> 
> Gon: you cry about how much you love us daily :)
> 
> Killua: yeah </3
> 
> Leorio: I- 
> 
> Leorio: First of all it’s what you guys deserve 
> 
> Leorio: Second of all it’s not my fault I express emotion healthier than all of you and therefore you guys think I am dramatic and sensitive 
> 
> Kurapika: YOU DID NOT NEED TO COME FOR US LIKE THAT 
> 
> Killua: IM WORKING ON IT 
> 
> Gon: I have decided to ignore that statement and disengage goodbye I’m gonna go back to class now
> 
> Killua: were you skipping again 
> 
> Gon: no why would you assume I skip class? have you no faith in my love for education? 
> 
> Kurapika: Gon you’re a rambunctious delinquent, you hoped out a window on the third story to get out of algebra once and you threatened that one kid with a butter knife and pushed someone down the stairs. Also you skip class fREQUENTLY to TEXT US we have RECEIPTS 
> 
> Gon: 1) anyone would jump out of a window to get out of doing math
> 
> Gon: 2) the butter knife situation was completely blown out of proportion. It was plastic, if I actually wanted to hurt him I would have to break it in half so it would be sharper and jagged
> 
> Killua: What the heck GON WHERE ARE YOU LEARNING THIS
> 
> Gon: SHUT UP IM NOT DONEEEE
> 
> Gon: 3) HE DESERVED IT YOU AGREED KURAPIKA
> 
> Gon: 4)I just wuv u guys <333
> 
> Gon: 5) how dare you imply such a falsie. I am not a delinquent I am a very good and trusted student shut it 
> 
> Gon: I am an angel and have done nothing wrong ever 
> 
> Leorio: You just explained to us how to make a plastic butter knife into a weapon 
> 
> Gon: YEAH but I wouldn’t do that, WEAPONS ARE FOR COWARDS and I am NOT a coward
> 
> Kurapika: I am both impressed and a bit scared 
> 
> Gon: Good. 
> 
> Killua: I am not scared Gon is a whittle baby still
> 
> Gon: SHUYTSVS UPS JSSN
> 
> Killua: go back to class you baby 
> 
> Gon: you cant make me 
> 
> Killua: please?
> 
> Gon: UGH FINE GOOD BYE 
> 
> Kurapika: Smh why does he only listen to you 
> 
> Killua: you know what I don’t even know 
> 
> Leorio: He really does just listen to killua huh 
> 
> Kurapika: He listens to you sometimes 
> 
> Leorio: No he doesn’t it took me literally two hours to talk him down from a big tree once 
> 
> Killua: I am sorry why was he in a tree for two hours
> 
> Leorio: He was getting someones cat down and he just stayed 
> 
> Killua: when even was that 
> 
> Leorio: When you guys were separated, after the election
> 
> Killua: oooohhhh 
> 
> Kurapika: I feel like we briefly talk about how wacky Gon was during those first five months but you don’t even know. He made us be quiet about it cuz its “embarassing” and “he wasn’t himself” 
> 
> Leorio: To be fair it was awful the first month was almost unbearable. He lived with me for the first three months because he didn’t want to live with Bisky at first and it was TOUGH 
> 
> Killua: what do you mean 
> 
> Leorio: It was just really hard for him to adjust to normal people world 
> 
> Kurapika: That’s a generous understatement 
> 
> Killua: Oh okay I will not press further

* * *

**Killua - > to -> Leorio and Kurapika **

> Killua: JK i am a dirty liar tell me 
> 
> Leorio: WHY DID YOU MAKE A SEPARATE CHAT 
> 
> Killua: SO GON DOESN'T GET EMBARRASSED DUH 
> 
> Leorio: Ok that's fair he did a lot of embarrassing stuff 
> 
> Kurapika: He just had SO much energy that had nowhere to go. 
> 
> Kurapika: He licked my face at one point. I don't remember how or why but he did.
> 
> Leorio: He kept going on long walks whenever something mildly inconvenienced him. He would just get up and not come back for like hours and we had to hunt him down. 
> 
> Kurapika: Sometimes we used to walk at like midnight together and just talk. 
> 
> Kurapika: I took so many hours off of work it was unbelievable. 
> 
> Leorio: Sometimes I would wake up because I would hear a noise and he would just be staring into darkness in the kitchen eating from a jar of pickles. 
> 
> Killua: He still does that. :,) sometimes we go do it together too
> 
> Kurapika: Stop making his weird habit cute 
> 
> Leorio: One time while I was in class he texted me saying he was on the plane heading to whale island because he “wanted to hug mito” and HE DIDN'T COME BACK FOR LIKE FIVE DAYS 
> 
> Kurapika: He bought a golf cart at one point and drove it around the block, and kids who lived in the apartments would ask for rides and he would always give them rides and he would go way too fast just because they would ask him to. 
> 
> Kurapika: And one of the kids' moms found out and she was LIVID and yelled at him until he cried and I almost beat her up but she was pregnant so I gave her a pass. 
> 
> Killua: I would still beat her up you coward 
> 
> Leorio: KILLUA NO 
> 
> Leorio: One time I forgot something at home and then Gon showed up to my school and handed it to me IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LECTURE MY PROFESSOR WAS SO ANNOYED
> 
> Kurapika: LEORIO REMEMBER ALL THE MIGRAINES AND LOW BLOOD SUAGR
> 
> Leorio: OH SHIT YEAH 
> 
> Killua: WHAT DO YOU MEAN 
> 
> Leorio: Gon kept getting really bad headaches whenever his blood sugar was low, and he would have to go lay down when they got bad or he'd like pass out and one time we were on a hike he didn’t tell me that he had a headache and he passed out and I had to carry him back 
> 
> Killua: That sounds like something he would have done 
> 
> Kurapika: This one time we all went to whale island together and he went on a walk and passed out during it and we thought he ran away and went to look for him and he was just laying there passed out in the grass right outside the house and leorio started crying because he was so worried. 
> 
> Killua: I wonder if he still gets those. 
> 
> Leorio: hm. He would say something about it wouldn't he 
> 
> Kurapika: Please, he wouldn’t say anything if he was hurting until it was absolutely necessary. AND I mean life or death, this is gon we are talking about aka a literal masochist.
> 
> Killua: Please dont call him a masochistsvbjslsns 
> 
> Leorio: ARE WE WRONG 
> 
> Killua: I mean I dont know?? 
> 
> Leorio: wait 
> 
> Leorio: I NEVER GAVE YOU GUYS THE TALK OH NO 
> 
> Leorio: Tuesday I WILL 
> 
> Killua: LEORIO STSOSJS 
> 
> Kurapika: Please be safe when you do it. 
> 
> Kurapika: If you are choking him make sure to GENTLY squeeze the sides of his neck not directly he could pass out if you directly squeeze his windpipe head on and you don’t want that
> 
> Killua: 1) why do you know this 2) STOP SHUT UP I AM NOT GOING TO CHOKE HIM 
> 
> Kurapika: 1) dont worry about it (winks at leorio) 2) WHAT IF HE ASKS YOU TO 
> 
> Leorio: KURAPIKA SHUT THE FUCK UPSBANM<
> 
> Leorio: ALSO 
> 
> Leorio: ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE SEX PEE AFTER AND USE PROTECTION I DONT CARE THAT YOU GUYS ONLY BEEN WITH EACHOTHER STILL DO IT 
> 
> Killua: You guys are disgusting I am baby 
> 
> Kurapika: Shut up youre literally 16 I am sure you have thought about I don’t want you guys to be dumb and unsafe
> 
> Killua: We haven’t DONE ANYTHING YOU GUYS ARE JUST NASTY 
> 
> Killua: I will admit to your second statement and appreciate your sentiment 
> 
> Leorio: Let me give you the safe sex talk in the car tuesday please I WANNA PLAY DA BIG BROTHER ROLE IN YOUR LIFE YOU KNOW THIS
> 
> Leorio: I TAUGHT GON HOW TO SHAVE WITH A KNIFE if you want to learn that I can teach you it after!!! 
> 
> Killua: WAIT LIKE A KNIFE KNIFE 
> 
> Leorio: Yeah I taught him how to shave with a razor (even though he doesn’t need to shave he just has peach fuzz i just got excited when he asked) and I was telling him how I had to learn with a knife because I couldn’t afford a razor and he asked me to teach him and I LIKE TEACHING so I did
> 
> Killua: Please teach me after we go to the Hospital. That sounds cool.
> 
> Leorio: BET OKAY I WILL 
> 
> Leorio: BYOK 
> 
> Leorio: (Bring your own knife) 
> 
> Killua: Like a switchblade? Or? 
> 
> Leorio: I use a butterfly knife but any works. 
> 
> Kurapika: What can I teach you killua 
> 
> Kurapika: other than choking 
> 
> Killua: SHUT THE FRiCK UP I WILL NEVER CHOKE HIM 
> 
> Kurapika: What if he asks 
> 
> Killua: I DON'T WANT TO HURT HIM EVER 
> 
> Kurapika: BITCH YOU PUNCH HIM SO HARD WHENEVER WE PLAY THE LICENSE PLATE GAME IN THE CAR 
> 
> Killua: HE PUNCHES HARD TOO 
> 
> Killua: ALSO SO DO YOU AND ALLUKA LEORIO IS THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESNT
> 
> Kurapika: That's because leorio is driving most if not all the time and we can't really punch him, it's only fair.
> 
> Kurapika: Back to choking 
> 
> Killua: KURAPIAKAHFABAJK
> 
> Leorio: No its okay Killua when you guys are in the moody mood it's always okay to say no to anything he asks you to do (I mean like choking not like if he asks you to stop) because you both have to be comfortable
> 
> Kurapika: UNless they WANT to be uncomfortable 
> 
> Leorio: KURAPIKA I WILL END YOU 
> 
> Leorio: GON HAS TRAUMA YOU BITCH BE MORE CAREFUL
> 
> Kurapika: oh shit I forgot. I AM SO SORRY.
> 
> Kurapika: Ah. That's why we don't talk risque on main 
> 
> Kurapika: Ok I retract my previous statement maybe hold off on choking him 
> 
> Killua: I WAS NEVER PLANNING ON CHOKING HIM YOU'RE JUST NASTY 
> 
> Leorio: FUCKING ARIES AMMIRITE 
> 
> Kurapika: So you guys never done anything? 
> 
> Kurapika: LIKE anything? 
> 
> Leorio: SBHGJKLS KURAPIKA 
> 
> Kurapika: WHAT I AM CURIOUS 
> 
> Kurapika: sex shouldnt be this taboo and we are friends 
> 
> Leorio: THEY ARE MINORS 
> 
> Leorio: NO PREMATRIAL SEX YOU SINERS 
> 
> Killua: I mean technicallllyyyyy we talked about getting rings (Promise rings)
> 
> Kurapika: PRE MARITRIAL SEC LAMJAHAHAHAH
> 
> Kurapika: UGH WHATEVER LEORIO 
> 
> Kurapika: They are still gonna need help? If they are gonna do it I would rather give them BOTH big brother advice SO THEY BOTH DONT DO ANYTHING DUMB 
> 
> Killua: like get pregnant out of wedlock
> 
> Leorio: HAHAHHAAH 
> 
> Kurapika: HAHAHAHAKAJAHABAN 
> 
> Leorio: wait did we just unintentionally make fun of how gon was born 
> 
> Killua: i- 
> 
> Kurapika: ANYWAYS answer the question 
> 
> Killua: we have literally not gone further than making out. 
> 
> Kurapika: Wait seriously 
> 
> Kurapika: I am not judging there's nothing wrong with that. And there is nothing wrong with not wanting sex either. 
> 
> Kurapika: But wow it's been like half a year. 
> 
> Leorio: GOOD KEEP IT THAT WAY KILLUA STay PURE 
> 
> Leorio: I am jk suppressing your desire is unhealthy especially if you both want it and love each other :-) 
> 
> Killua: yeah IDk i AM a little worried about it because gon said he doesnt even masturbate 
> 
> Kurapika: Really? 
> 
> Leorio: Maybe he is asexual. Nothing wrong with that! 
> 
> Killua: You are right, I would still love him and be with him if he was. I don't care. 
> 
> Killua: but he isn’t, we talked about it. 
> 
> Leorio: WHILE HE WAS DRUNK?? 
> 
> Killua: yeah…but also a little after too but LISTEN IT WAS HARD ENOUGH AS IT IS IMAGINE HAVING THAT CONVERSATION SOBER that would be impossible. I did promise to have it again if he didn’t remember all the way but he did so...
> 
> Kurapika: Fair… 
> 
> Leorio: I AM SO PROUD OF YOU KILLUA YOU'RE ALL GROWN UP 
> 
> Killua: I swear to god if you are like this tuesday I will end you 
> 
> Kurapika: No you won't :) 
> 
> Killua: Do Not Test Me 
> 
> Leorio: STOP PULLING AN ALLUKA AHGAJKLA
> 
> Killua: No. I Will Not Stop. 
> 
> Leorio: GOODBYE 
> 
> Leorio: CANT WAIT TO TEACH YOU TO SHAVE TUESDAY
> 
> Killua: stop being weird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know I keep making things sad and angsty. Chat fics are suppose to be fun why do I want to dive headfirst into trauma with them?!  
> Anyway, You can follow me @Disastergaykillua on tumblr!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I love this chapter  
> 2) prepare to get happy and then prepare to get hurt  
> 3) I am sorry I love writing angst  
> ALSO I know I said I would update everyday but I don't want my wonderful friend and editor @sunnysideblonde to have to deal with me nagging so.... maybe every other day? IDK I AM A FIRE SIGN OKAY EXPECT LOTS OF UPDATES UNTIL IM DONE ?  
> as always, thanks for reading and enjoy!

**Gon- > to-> Kurapika **

> Gon: want to stay up really really late and go feed the birds at the park with me? :D
> 
> Kurapika: Why are you asking me? 
> 
> Gon: You are the second most likely to say yes. 
> 
> Kurapika: Excuse me. 
> 
> Kurapika: IM THE SECOND!? Wtf who is first I should be the first. 
> 
> Gon: Alluka but I dont want killua to get involved feeding the birds cuz you know he will and i want just a little space rn 
> 
> Kurapika: Oh
> 
> Gon: yeah. 
> 
> Gon: Don’t tell him I said that please. 
> 
> Kurapika: I will not. 
> 
> Kurapika: Wanna tell me why you want some space 
> 
> Gon: you know what? Sure 
> 
> Gon: He is UGH just you know how he is 
> 
> Kurapika: Honestly not really, he treats me completely different than you. 
> 
> Gon: ah I guess so :,) hehe
> 
> Gon: its really not a big deal, he is the best EVER I just wanna breathe a lil without him asking me if i'm okay 24/7 like I will break or something 
> 
> Kurapika: I get it. That's how leorio is. It's sweet but annoying as hell after a while. 
> 
> Gon: EXACTLY like I love him sooooooooo much so so much but I just wanna go do some dumb stuff sometimes… Like we used to. But since after that time we separated (ya know like almost three years ago) he's been all like “dont want you getting hurt” all the time. But idk sometimes I wanna bomb a big hill on roller blades ya know idc if i get hurt tis part of the fun. 
> 
> Gon: DONT GET ME WRONG I love being around him, hes my fave, we have lots of fun, but sometimes I wanna have DANGEROUS fun and I don't want him to be involved cuz if he gets hurt I will feel bad. And also I dont want him to feel bad if I get hurt. WHich getting hurt is part of da gig ya know 
> 
> Kurapika: I know
> 
> Kurapika: I feel that way too sometimes with leorio, he doesn't understand my line of work. I feel his judgement from a mile away 
> 
> Kurapika: BUT 
> 
> Kurapika: You're just an adrenaline junkie aren't you
> 
> Gon: no comment… 
> 
> Kurapika: I will go feed the birds with you what time 
> 
> Kurapika: Also how would this even get dangerous?
> 
> Gon: oh its just the thrill of being up when no one else is….. :)
> 
> Gon: I go around 4:30-5 ish usually 
> 
> Kurapika: okay I will be there. 
> 
> Kurapika: Are you sure there isn’t more to it?
> 
> Gon: :D see you soon! Thanks kurapika! 
> 
> Kurapika: Duh! :-) 

* * *

Kurapika gets out of his car, it's 4:30, the sun hasn't even started rising yet. Why did he agree to come feed birds with Gon? He doesn't know—he's just impulsive he guesses. He tells himself. He knows he wants to be there for Gon. He knows his gut told him to say yes. 

He starts walking towards the park, the crosswalk is empty, so he doesn't even bother pushing the button, who cares anyway? Not Kurapika. _Fuck modern society!_ Kurapika thinks as he jaywalks. _Why is jaywalking even illegal anyways?_

By the time Kurapika gets to the park he has been thinking about modern law for a bit, Kurta people didn’t really have jaywalking rules. They didn’t really have police either. Kurapika _despises_ police, but maybe he just hates how unsettling they are. Maybe he just hates how everything—even police and jaw walking— suddenly becomes a cruel reminder that he was raised differently because he is Kurta. And that those people who raised him are now dead.

Maybe he just hates how unsettling it is to walk the streets knowing you’re the only one alive. Maybe he hates how lonely that is, passing everyone who has families, knowing yours is six feet under decomposing. 

Kurapika notices the park is eerily empty, except for a few birds and the bugs singing together in harmony. This sweet thought makes Kurapika want to gag.

He sees Gon sitting alone on a metal bench, the ones that are donated by people with money, the ones with dead people's names on them engraved in shiny metal plates on the benches’ shiny metal spine. Gon is sitting with his head down, slouching, and scraping at his arm. 

“What are you doing?” Kurapika asks as he approaches Gon.

Gon looks up at Kurapika, smiles and looks back down to his arm. “Picking at scabs.” Gon replies honestly. Kurapika sits down next to him. 

He turns his head to look at the big gash Gon was picking at. “How’d you get that?” 

“Went rollerblading after school, and ate shit.” Gon smiles up at Kurapika, almost proudly. 

“Why do you seem so happy about that.” 

“Sometimes ya gotta get knocked down, ya know?” Gon shrugs and leaves his bleeding arm alone now that the scab was ripped clean off. _Disgusting_. Kurapika thinks as his face screws up sourly. 

“You gonna put a band-aid on that or what?” Kurapika picks up Gon's scraped arm, and looks at it, his eyes drifting away from the arm, noticing bruises all over his legs, a bright band-aid stretched taunt on his ankle. His legs are shaved. 

“Did you shave your legs?” Kurapika asks amused. 

“Yeah, but I did it with a real blade, so it's cool that way.” Gon shrugs and he turns to pull out a bag of mixed seeds from his jacket pocket, as if to end the conversation “You ready?” 

Kurapika grabs the bag from him and holds it against his chest tightly. “Let's talk first.” 

“Oh okay? About what?” Gon wonders aloud. 

“You, dumbass. Your arm, and your bruises.” Kurapika looks at him sternly, gray eyes calculating. 

“Oh. it's okay, don't worry about it. It's my arm not yours.” Gon reaches for the bag and Kurapika pulls both his body and the seeds out of his reach. 

“So what. Your limbs are my limbs by extension.” Kurapika holds the seeds tighter. 

“What does that even mean?” Gon almost rolls his eyes. Almost. 

“You're my friend. I care about what happens to your arms, just like you'd care about what happens to mine.” Kurapika says simply. 

“Of course I care about your arms. But mine, Kurapika, you don't need to worry. I've had much worse. One time they got blown off by my own hatsu!” Gon shrugs and goes to grab the seeds, but Kurapika wont let him. Gon takes that as a cue to continue, he pouts at the seeds then looks towards the birds at the pond. “Plus I kinda deserved it.” He says this rather firmly. 

Kurapika stops backing out of Gon's reach and looks at him seriously. Gon looks back to him, the eye contact is intense. The tension is palpable. 

“You never deserve to be in pain.” Kurapika speaks solidly. 

Gon looks away again, down onto his lap, where he thinks the seeds should be. No words are spoken, but the lingering “Yes I do” that lays itself smugly on Gon’s tongue is loud and clear. Kurapika stares at Gon a little longer. He sighs and hands Gon the bag, who perks up and grabs it. Kurapika watches as he smiles up at him and pulls out a handful of seeds. The large white birds in the water notice immediately their beady eyes sharp and dangerous. They begin to wobble their yellow bird legs over to where Kurapika and Gon are sitting on the bench. 

Gon tosses some to the birds, as if to demonstrate to Kurapika who watches, then he gestures the bag towards Kurapika, who looks down at the colorful mix of pale seeds lit gold from the dawn sky. He grabs a handful and throws it hard at the ground. The birds squawk at him but eat the seeds nonetheless. 

Gon laughs at him, Kurapika makes a face at the birds. _Trying to mess with me? Huh?_ Which makes Gon laugh even harder. 

“Why’d you bring seeds anyway? Aren’t you supposed to feed ducks bread?” Kurapika puts both his hands defensively on his lap. No more feeding those stupid birds for him. 

Gon whips his head to give Kurapika a look of pure disgust. 

“THOSE ARE GEESE. And bread is bad for them. Their stomach can’t digest gluten!” Gon shakes his head at Kurapika as if Kurapika would know extensively about birds, _we didn’t even have geese or ducks where I’m from_ Kurapika shouts in his head. He pushes away that thought and he turns back to the birds who are honking at him to feed them, Gon tosses them some seeds.

Kurapika looks at him. This kid has gone through so much, he was just talking about his arm getting blown off by his own nen, as if it was nothing and now he’s feeding geese peacefully. 

Kurapika stares at Gon, his reckless friend. Sometimes Kurapika sees himself in Gon, but more often than not it’s when he’s being stubborn. When he’s making bad decisions. He sees his own bad qualities reflected back at him in Gon like a tragic and cruel mirror. But, right now as Gon tosses the birds snacks, ones he knows would not hurt their stomachs, in the serenity of the dawning sun, Kurapika thinks he is nothing like him. 

Gon looks up at Kurapika who is smiling softly. Gon hasn’t seen that smile in a while— it's comforting. 

“Gon, I read this poem once.” Kurapika starts, “It reminded me of you.” 

“Really?” Gon stops throwing seeds at the geese. The sun is starting to rise higher. The park is filled with dusk summer air, the birds honk loudly. The trees are singing with the breeze. 

“Yeah. In the poem the speaker asks her mother ‘when do you know you’re going to die’ and the mom says something that really reminded me of you.” Kurapika takes some of the seeds from Gon's hand and chucks it at a bird who squawks at him. Gon stares at him and laughs. 

“You suck at feeding the birds.” 

“They suck at being fed.” Kurapika replies simply. They laugh. 

“Wait.” Gon looks at Kurapika who is laughing with Gon now. “What did the mom say?” 

“Oh yeah.” Kurapika picks up more seeds and tosses them gently, this time. The bird chirps in approval. Almost like praising Kurapika for fixing his mistake this third time. “The mom says, ‘You will know when you can no longer make a fist.’” The words ring like wind chimes, crisp in the early morning air. No one is out enjoying the last cool summer air for the day, except for Gon and Kurapika. 

“Hm. What does that mean?” Gon asks genuinely curious, his legs swing a bit on the bench a little. Gon is taller now so he can’t swing them how he used to but it’s enough for now. 

Kurapika grabs more seeds from Gon who has the bag extending out for him. 

“It means that when you can no longer make a fist, when you can no longer fight, you will be dead in some way.” Kurapika tosses the seeds. More birds are coming, they will run out soon. “What happens when we run out of seeds?” 

Gon stares into the distant pond. Ducks are staying far away from the geese in fear of their sharp beaks and cutting teeth. 

“We run.” He looks at kurapika with a wicked smile. 

“What do you mean, _we run_?” Kurapika turns back as over ten geese honk at them. Both Gon and Kurapika toss seeds to them. They are half way through the bag. 

“They’ll want more, more than we can give them. They won’t understand that we don’t have any more food left. So they will demand more and start attacking us. Also,” Gon’s smile is mischievous, there is a remarkable fire in Gon’s eyes as he stares at Kurapika, “Geese bite.” He tosses more of their diminishing seeds absentmindedly. _This is what Gon meant when he said dangerous fun_ , Kurapika thinks. He knew there was another variable earlier. He shakes his head at Gon and smiles widely, with good humor, despite the situation at hand right now. 

“Did you find this out the hard way?” Kurapika throws seeds farther away now. Gon notices that and mirrors him on his next toss. 

“Maybe.” Gon turns to him with a sheepish grin. 

Kurapika looks at him and they laugh at each other and toss seeds simultaneously. They are almost done with the bag. 

“Okay Gon,” 

“Yeah Kurapika?” 

“I say we toss the rest really far and then make a break for it. When do they usually stop chasing you?” Kurapika and Gon stand up, they are close to the end of the bag. 

“By the time I get to the traffic light. I think they know the road is dangerous.” Gon looks at all the geese that have accumulated around them honking for food, the sound of their chatter is loud into the cool and calm air. Gon continues, “but I should have brought more seeds. I didn’t realize there would be this many. They might chase us longer.” Gon says, but there is no fear in his voice. It’s almost as though he is excited for the chase.

Kurapika puts his hand in the bag and there’s only a handful of seeds left, Gon looks at him, his hand is clenched tightly into a fist, ready to throw as far as his arms will allow him. Kurapika is doing the same. The seeds poke and crunch in his tight fist. 

“Okay ready?” Kurapika asks. 

“Yes.” They begin to countdown together 

The honking is loud in their ears, the breeze brushes at their hair, the sun is creeping up over the trees now, the pond is a pretty pink. The ducks look scared. Kurapika and Gon stand heroically. 

“One. Two. THREE!” They both shout and throw the seeds as hard as they can manage. The seeds disperse like confetti into the air, little beige and yellow beads. They don’t get very far, seeds aren't meant to be thrown hard nor far, but before the seeds hit the ground the boys have already begun to sprint away from the huge amount of hungry geese. 

Kurapika is laughing so hard his stomach hurts, his ribs feel like they are collapsing. Kurapika can’t remember the last time he laughed this hard, this carefree. Gon is laughing at his side, doing the thing he does when he is laughing too hard and it causes no sound to come out. Just quiet little choking sounds of amusement, he runs with lots of flair, jumping and swinging his arms around in his laughter and in his excitement. The sun is rising, there are more people out now, Gon and Kurapika are running along the sidewalk, they turn and see geese chasing them, the geese look so funny running after them, their yellow webbed feet slapping loudly against the city's pavement. People in cars are honking now, at them or at the geese Kurapika and Gon can’t tell, but it makes them laugh even harder, even happier. 

They get to the light but the geese haven’t stopped. Kurapika looks at Gon, but he’s laughing too hard, no words will allow him to speak. 

“We just gotta keep going.” Gon breathes out, Kurapika nods his head laughing and they push the crosswalk button frantically it beeps frantically back at them. The geese are approaching steadily. But geese don’t abide by traffic laws, and since when did Kurapika and Gon even care about rules? Kurapika and Gon look at the geese, then they turn and look at eachother, nod and turn to the road, the cars are honking and are still moving, they probably won’t stop for the two of them either— _who cares! They can handle this._ Kurapika thinks. _Besides, Kurta people never had traffic laws._

They break off into yet another sprint, daringly running head on into the road as the geese chase after them.Kurapika and Gon jump over a car that honks at them, louder than the geese, Kurapika flips them the bird and Gon laughs with exhilarating joy. They keep running. _Kurapika is having fun_ , Gon thinks as he turns to his friend, who’s laughing loudly, running until his heart bursts with his arms at his sides, fists clenched. 

* * *

**Leorio- > to-> Fearsome Foursome **

> Leorio: Guess who's on the news? 
> 
> Killua: you for punching another neglectful father???? 
> 
> Kurapika: Damn Kiki that was a good one. 
> 
> Leorio: SHUT UP KURAPIKA YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE ARIES MENACE I CANT BELIEVE YOUR FIRE SIGN ASS 
> 
> Killua: WHTA HAPPENDE
> 
> Leorio: GON AND KURAPIKA ARE ON THE NEWS 
> 
> Killua: HAhAHaH FOR WHAT 
> 
> Leorio: LOOK IT UP BREAKING NEWS “WILD GOOSE CHASE” 
> 
> Killua: OH MY GODHJGHCSKSB 
> 
> Gon: THEY CHASED US
> 
> Gon: and its not out fault they wanted more from us than we could give 
> 
> Kurapika: Gon that was very poetic. 
> 
> Gon: Thank you, Kurapika. 
> 
> Kurapika: It looks very wrong when you use correct punctuation. Please refrain from doing it again. 
> 
> Gon: No, I shan't. 
> 
> Killua: LMALKJAH THIS IS HILARIOUS 
> 
> Killua: but also ARE YOU GUYS OKAY? 
> 
> Gon: yeah I am fine! Kurapika and I left those geese in da dust 
> 
> Kurapika: Hell yeah we did!
> 
> Leorio: You guys are unbelievable. 
> 
> Kurapika: And yet, You love us. 
> 
> Leorio: Yeah, I really do. 
> 
> Gon: LOVE YOU TOO DAD 
> 
> Killua: no more touchy feelies please 
> 
> Leorio: I LOVE YOU GON 
> 
> Leorio: AND I LOVE YOU JUST AS MUCH KILLUA I AM EXCITED FOR TOMORROW
> 
> Killua: PLEASE NO MORE 
> 
> Killua: also I am a little bit (just a little) excited
> 
> Leorio: Maybe we should go get chased by an animal and bond 
> 
> Killua Im gonna go with you to the family day tomorrow that’s enough for me I prefer to not get chased by geese. 
> 
> Killua: theyre evil and they bite. 
> 
> Gon: NO ANIMAL IS EVIL KIKI TAKE THAT BACK 
> 
> Killua: no <3 
> 
> Gon: WE were in THEIR territory and WE fed them. 
> 
> Leorio: AND NOW THE GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING UP A NO FEEDING SIGN BECAUSE OF YOU 
> 
> Kurapika: See, something good came out of it. 
> 
> Kurapika: Even though rules are dumb, Gon and I are gonna do it again next week. 
> 
> Kurapika: You are all invited including alluka. 
> 
> Killua: I- 
> 
> Killua: Dont Ask Her She Will Say Yes
> 
> Gon: TOO LATE 
> 
> Killua: NOOOOOO
> 
> Killua: i hate you guys dont get hurt. 
> 
> Gon: Just come with us, you can make sure we dont get hurt. You can even use Godspeed
> 
> Killua: true….but you just want me to carry you while using Godspeed don’t you 
> 
> Gon: perhaps….. but still imagine how fast you could get away from them 
> 
> Killua: true… that could be fun…. 
> 
> Kurapika: That is a very valid point Gon. 
> 
> Gon: I always make very valid points. 
> 
> Killua: Not even close to being true but okay. 
> 
> Gon: SHUt IT 
> 
> Leorio: GO BACK TO CLASS 
> 
> Gon: UGH fine DAD
> 
> Leorio: I gotta go, later kiddos and kurapika 
> 
> Leorio: SEE YOU TOMORROW KIKI BRIGHT AND EARLY
> 
> Killua: BYE 
> 
> Kurapika: Bye kiddos. Leorio is included 
> 
> Leorio: I AM OLDER THaN ALL OF YOU 
> 
> Kurapika: Too bad. 
> 
> Killua: HJKGGHJSSJKJ 
> 
> Leorio: GOODBYE 

* * *

**Leorio - > to -> Kurapika **

> Leorio: you left again? 
> 
> Leorio: you haven’t just left right after in a while and now you’ve done it twice this week is anything wrong? 
> 
> Kurapika: I just need space. 
> 
> Leorio: okay 
> 
> Kurapika: I'm sorry leorio. We were getting too comfortable. I had to leave. 
> 
> Leorio: I forgive you. 
> 
> Kurapika: I wish you wouldn’t. 
> 
> Leorio: why do you always say that. Like it’s a bad thing to forgive? 
> 
> Kurapika: I don't know. Maybe it'll be easier that way. 
> 
> Leorio: oh. 
> 
> Kurapika: yeah. 
> 
> Kurapika: I have to go now. 
> 
> Leorio: work? 
> 
> Kurapika: something like that. 
> 
> Leorio: Okay. 
> 
> Kurapika: have fun tomorrow with killua. 
> 
> Leorio: today* it’s 2 am
> 
> Kurapika: right. Have fun today 
> 
> Leorio: thanks. 
> 
> Kurapika: Your welcome. 
> 
> Kurapika: okay i really have to go now. 
> 
> Leorio: okay. 
> 
> #    
>   
> 
> 
> Kurapika: I lied again 
> 
> Kurapika: Are you awake? 
> 
> Kurapika: I keep having dreams where I run you over with my car. 
> 
> Leorio: oh
> 
> Kurapika: I can't stop the car from running you over. The car is slipping on icy asphalt, and the wheel won’t turn no matter how hard I grip it, and I can't control the car and then I hit you and you die. 
> 
> Kurapika: in my dreams I kill you. Your heart stops because of me. 
> 
> Leorio: But we aren’t dreaming right now. This isn’t a dream, this is real life. 
> 
> Leorio: You suck at driving in real life but I don’t think you’d run me over 
> 
> Kurapika: Leorio, dreams are just extensions of the conscious world 
> 
> Kurapika: Kurta people, we believe dreams are valuable. They warn our awake bodies. They tell us things we need to hear when we didn’t even know we had to listen. 
> 
> Kurapika: I don’t know what me driving a car and crushing your body means but I think it alludes to something, not great… 
> 
> Kurapika: I need to give us some distance. Just for now. 
> 
> Leorio: Ok 
> 
> Kurapika: don’t forgive me. 
> 
> Leorio: okay I won’t 
> 
> Kurapika: don’t just do whatever I say either 
> 
> Leorio: hm 
> 
> Leorio: stop demanding me when you don’t even listen to yourself. Goodnight I’m going back to bed. 
> 
> Leorio: maybe my dreams will warn me saying that I need to grow a backbone and tell you to fuck off 
> 
> Kurapika: you don’t mean that 
> 
> Leorio: maybe I do 
> 
> Kurapika: you don’t 
> 
> Leorio: go run me over in your dreams kurapika. I need to get some sleep for tomorrow. 
> 
> Kurapika: fine but don’t take this out on killua. 
> 
> Leorio: oh fuck you. 
> 
> Leorio: you really think I’d do that? you’re delusional. I process my emotions like a healthy person, I can rely on my friends for support when I need it like a healthy person. I am gonna be a person Killua needs in his life. Maybe you should think about who you need and who needs you.
> 
> Kurapika: maybe
> 
> Leorio: I hope you figure it out because I’m tired of watching you crash and burn. And I'm tired of letting you walk all over me. 
> 
> Kurapika: I’m sorry. 
> 
> Leorio: No you're not. And as a friend, I would suggest you stop lying to both yourself and me as a first step.
> 
> Kurapika: as a friend? 
> 
> Leorio: is that not what we are now? Friends. This is the last time we do that kurapika until you get your shit together, good night. 
> 
> Leorio: I hope you figure out how to get control of the car in your dreams. I am sick of you hurting me. 
> 
> Kurapika: me too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first, the poem talked about is called "Making a Fist" by Naomi Nye. A wonderful poem! 
> 
> now onto dreams! probably the last one!  
> ☾ To dream of being unable to steer a car is a direct sign of feeling as though you have no control of your life, or that your life is not going where you feel it needs to go.  
> ☾ To dream of killing someone represents the desire to get rid of a part of yourself that person represents. 
> 
> There is a very big metaphor in this written scene (shocker for me huh??? haha) The geese represent Gon and Kurapika's dangerous parts of themselves (their bad habits). What do they do this whole chapter? Feed them until they can't anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Here is chapter 9 we are almost at the long stretch!!! I have been thinking about making an Alluka spin off.... hmm..... I just cant let go of this canon divergent timeline I crafted can I?   
> A teeny wittle break from angst FOR NOW.   
> Special shout out to @sunnysideblonde for letting me ramble nonsense on da daily!! LOVE YA   
> As always, thanks for reading and enjoy!

**Leorio - > to -> Killua**

> Leorio: WAKEY WAKEY LIL BRO 
> 
> Killua: I HATE YOU 
> 
> Leorio: Is that a kind way to speak to your brother who is about to show you around the hospital AND teach you how to shave with a knife? 
> 
> Killua: I guess not… you will have a knife near me...
> 
> Leorio: I THOUGHT SO 
> 
> Killua: what's our fabricated story going to be 
> 
> Killua: can I make it up 
> 
> Leorio: Yeah sure just make it a LITTLE believable 
> 
> Killua: Do not worry I am the best liar out there :) 
> 
> Leorio: Is that suppose to be considered a good thing 
> 
> Killua: In this specific situation, yes. 
> 
> Killua: SO here's what I am thinking, 
> 
> Killua: you kidnapped me :) 
> 
> Leorio: KILLUA NO 
> 
> Killua: hgklxjgsks ok ok ok fine 
> 
> Killua: I kidnapped YOU :)
> 
> Leorio: KILLUA THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE 
> 
> Killua: HAHaHHAHAH ok ok hear me out 
> 
> Killua: we kidnapped each other <3
> 
> Leorio: KILLUA THATS THE DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD 
> 
> Killua: YOU ARE A H8R 
> 
> Leorio: Come up with something good or I will just tell the truth 
> 
> Killua: the truth sounds kinda made up in real people world 
> 
> Killua: all the extras wont believe us 
> 
> Leorio: DONT CALL MY CLASSMATES EXTRAS I AM FRIENDS WITH THEM
> 
> Killua: SHSJSHJSKS 
> 
> Killua: You have friends??
> 
> Leorio: HAHA killua very funny 
> 
> Leorio: It might come as a surprise to you but I, in fact, have a life 
> 
> Killua: no i know you do. I wouldn’t make fun of you if I thought you didn’t have a life 
> 
> Killua: Like, for example I make fun of gon for being dumb, because he isnt actually dumb or insecure about his intelligence, thus making it fair game in terms of comedy material
> 
> Killua: you don't see me making fun of kurapika for his crippling loneliness cuz that’s off limits in terms of comedy material 
> 
> Leorio: I- 
> 
> Leorio: NO COMMENT 
> 
> Leorio: MOVING ON 
> 
> Leorio: I am on my way over so grab your knife and a water bottle we will be out all day! 
> 
> Killua: Ok there you go, you sound like my family now minus the water and maybe add another knife or two
> 
> Leorio: KILLUA
> 
> Killua: I will think of something better to tell people in the car 
> 
> Leorio: NO I AM GIVING YOU THE SAFE SANE CONSENTUAL SEX TALK IN THE CAR 
> 
> Killua: THAT TALK IS GONNA LAST TWENTY FIVE MINUTES??? 
> 
> Leorio: OH idk I assumed you’d have questions
> 
> Killua: I mean maybe IDK 
> 
> Killua: YOU BETTER NOT BE TEXTING AND DRIVING RIGHT NOW 
> 
> Leorio: …… 
> 
> Killua: GOOD BYE SEE YOU SOON 
> 
> Killua: Drive. Safe. 
> 
> Leorio: SO threatening… 
> 
> Killua: Good. Bye. 

* * *

**Gon- > to -> alluka**

> Gon: is it bad that I am a little excited Killua will be gone so we can play survival mode after I am out of school 
> 
> Alluka: I am very flattered you like to play minecraft with me that much BUT THAT IS KINDA BAD YOU MINECRAFT ADDICT
> 
> Gon: WE NEVER GET TO PLAY SURVIVAL MODE
> 
> Gon: ALSO I AM PARTIALLY JOKING 
> 
> Alluka: sure gon… whatever you say…. 
> 
> Gon: ALLUKA!!!! 

* * *

**Alluka- > to -> Gon **

> Alluka: You’re a big fat liar you wish he was here to yell at us 
> 
> Gon: maybe so. 
> 
> Alluka: NOW HURRY UP IN THE BATHROOM I WANNA PLAY MORE 
> 
> Gon: OH SO WHO’S THE MINECRAFT ADDICT NOW HUH 
> 
> Alluka: CAN IT SHORTY 
> 
> Gon: ALLUKA 
> 
> Gon: how. Tall. are. you. 
> 
> Alluka: Right this moment? 
> 
> Gon: yes go check while i poop 
> 
> Alluka: GON EWWIE I DIDNT NEED TO KNOW THAT 
> 
> Gon: WHAT????
> 
> Gon: NATURE CALLS IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL EVERYONE POOPS!
> 
> Gon: WE ALL POOP!!!!
> 
> Alluka: still EWWIE
> 
> Alluka: Ok so right this moment I am 5’4 
> 
> Gon: OH THANK GOD 
> 
> Gon: I have two inches on you 
> 
> Alluka: Not For Long :) 
> 
> Gon: NPOOOOIHGHASBS 
> 
> Alluka: I WILL BE TALL MARK MY WORDS 
> 
> Gon: hey alulu…. 
> 
> Alluka: Yes…. bro n low….. 
> 
> Gon: Wark my Mords 
> 
> Alluka: SHHHSHSHHSKAHHAHAHHA 
> 
> Gon: I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING FROM THE TOILET 
> 
> Alluka: IT GETS ME EVERYTIME IDK WHY 
> 
> Alluka: Wark my Mords HAHAHHA 
> 
> Alluka: ShHS I HEARD DA FLUSH
> 
> Gon: OHS ON MY WAY

* * *

**Gon - > to -> Killua **

> Gon: Update: We are playing survival mode and there's nothing you can do to stop us >:) 
> 
> Gon: Update: Alluka keeps beating me at survival mode by outliving me :,( i died via spider. I wish pika was here to kill them for me 
> 
> Gon: Update: Alluka beat me again :,,( this time via skeleton hnnnnn
> 
> Gon: Update: Alluka beat me again but this time BY HOMICIDE CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! D:<
> 
> Gon: Update: I made us chicken fried rice again (second time this week it is TUESDAY) because she has the taste buds of a picky five year old just like you… Most be a zoldyck thing.
> 
> Gon: Update: Leorio sent me a picture of you talking to a surgeon at the heart display. I am very happy you are having fun :D! Just don’t tell them you know how to do heart surgery I don’t think ripping a heart out with your knife nails tm counts as surgery 
> 
> Gon: Update: Alluka and I are baking you something :-)
> 
> Gon: Update: It's a chocolate cake :D
> 
> Gon: Update: Leorio said you are going to sleep over I will stop now gOODNIGHT LOVE YOU <3
> 
> Killua: WAIT SORRY MY PHONE DIED I DIDNT PLUG IT IN LAST NIGHT 
> 
> Killua: ALSO I WAS BEING TAUGHT HOW TO SHAVE WITH A KNIFE 
> 
> Gon: hnnnsksm 
> 
> Gon: sorry whaaaa 
> 
> Killua: did i wake you up 
> 
> Gon: no… Maybe 
> 
> Killua: Go back to bed 
> 
> Gon: NOPE I am up now. And i missed u today. Wanna talk
> 
> Gon: HOW WAS IT 
> 
> Kllua: oh MISSED U TOO
> 
> Killua: ALSO The knife shaving or? 
> 
> Gon: HE TAUGHT YOU HOW TO KNIFE SHAVE 
> 
> Killua: DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IT TOO 
> 
> Gon: yeah I just 
> 
> Gon: YOU GUYS ARE BONDINDGFDJSKS :D
> 
> Killua: OH MY GOD BE QUIET 
> 
> Gon: okay fine… Did u have fun? 
> 
> Killua: You know what, Yeah I did actually. 
> 
> Gon: GOOD! 
> 
> Killua: The emergency area was kinda cool the EMT workers were talking about all this nasty stuff they had to deal with like people cutting off fingers and they can stitch back on if they bring it in a cooler 
> 
> Killua: There is even a whole hunter branch! They like go in dangerous areas and heal up wounds n rescue people n stuff
> 
> Gon: That sounsd cool!! 
> 
> Killua: Yeah it was so brief tho 
> 
> Gon: Wait whta was ur fake brother story u guys were goin to play?? 
> 
> Killua: Ugh I couldn’t think of anything good I just said we were foster brothers. He didnt like my other ideas 
> 
> Gon: awe I thouhgt the kidnapping ones were funny 
> 
> Killua: Yeah well apparently he doesnt share our sense of humor
> 
> Gon: not many people do I think we just made it up sometimes we just kinda live in our own little word
> 
> Killua: Yeah huh… We do. 
> 
> Killua: Hey I am gonna go to bed now, I will see you tomorrow after school probably
> 
> Gon: Okay!! 
> 
> Gon: I will go fall back asleep then since ur about to fall too. 
> 
> Killua: You phrased that funny 
> 
> Gon: Ah sorry my eyelids are barely staying opnd
> 
> Gon: I meant so even tho we aren’t togetherwe will fall asleep together 
> 
> Killua: we will fall together huh
> 
> Gon: always 
> 
> Killua: Goodnight, Love you 
> 
> Gon: Love you too sweet dreams 
> 
> Killua: I will dream about you again so yeah 
> 
> Gon: my kokoro….. can’t handle this…. 
> 
> Killua: it’ll get stronger and you’ll be able to handle it
> 
> Gon: yeah you’re right 
> 
> Killua: I’m always right! now go to bed 
> 
> Gon: shjdjnmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnbbb
> 
> Gon: bbbbbbbbbnnjkkkkkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

* * *

**Alluka - > to -> Killua**

> Alluka: I have been smited. By god herself. 
> 
> Killua: Explain
> 
> Alluka: no. 
> 
> Killua: ALLUKA EXPLAIN PLEASE DONT MAKE YOUR POOR BIG BROTHER WORRY 
> 
> Alluka: I was tired cuz bisky made us meet at 5am! So I was sleepy and then I walked into a POLE AND ALL MY FRIENDS LAUGHED AT ME and now they are calling me Apoleka 
> 
> Killua: I will beat them up 
> 
> Alluka: NO DONT 
> 
> Killua: I will beat up the pole 
> 
> Alluka: BHSJSSNS YOURE SOOOO SJSJSSK DONT BEAT ANYONE UP INANIMATE OBJECTS INCLUDED 
> 
> Killua: what if its a personified object 
> 
> Alluka: no. 
> 
> Killua: ok but if you need anyone hurt to any degree you know who to ask 
> 
> Alluka: I do. 
> 
> Alluka: I ask Gon. :)
> 
> Killua: NO ME!!!!
> 
> Killua: DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM OR HIS BAD HABITS
> 
> Alluka: how is beating people up for sissy a bad habit hmmmm
> 
> Killua: please stop referring to yourself in the third person 
> 
> Alluka: no <3 sissy will not <3
> 
> Killua: UGHSNM are you having fun 
> 
> Alluka: YES 
> 
> Killua: good! 
> 
> Alluka: Are you having fun 
> 
> Killua: I am doing sudoku rn while leorio drinks dirt water so yes 
> 
> Alluka: YOU ARE SO LAME WHY DO YOU MAKE FUN OF ME AND GON FOR MINECRAFT WHEN YOU DO THAT 
> 
> Killua: dont be mean to me i am very sensitive 
> 
> Alluka: yeah uh huh
> 
> Alluka: One time you were picking your teeth with your knife nails and you accidentally cut your gums and then started bleeding everywhere and then Gon started freaking out and you were like “chill gon just hand me some gaze top right cabinet” 
> 
> Killua: I am very cool under pressure I will have you know
> 
> Killua: also this unrelated but 
> 
> Killua: How long do you think you n the girls club will be gone? 
> 
> Alluka: what's in it for me if i tell you 
> 
> Killua: ALLUKA 
> 
> Killua: hnnnnhhhh I will go get ingredients and tell gon to make you those special pancakes again 
> 
> Alluka: THE CINNAMON ONES 
> 
> Killua: yes. 
> 
> Alluka: ok you got yourself a deal buckaroo 
> 
> Alluka: we will be back around 7pm 
> 
> Killua: oh OKAY 
> 
> Alluka: why ;) …….
> 
> Killua: I gotta go bye 
> 
> Alluka: NO COME BACJAA 
> 
> Killua: whats in it for me? 
> 
> Alluka: UGH YOU MENANCE 
> 
> Alluka: we have been hanging out with leorio too much i just said menace and the other day I was telling a story and I said ANYWAYS like four times 
> 
> Killua: OH MY GOD NO 
> 
> Killua: You are absorbing his speech patterns 
> 
> Killua: Gon has been doing that with you lately 
> 
> Alluka: REALLY 
> 
> Killua: THE OTHER DAY I was cleaning dishes and he was sitting on the counter as he does and i flicked water at him and said “ewwie” and then we both stared at eachother like…… alluka…….. 
> 
> Alluka: HAHAHHA I AM INFLUENCING HIM MWHAHAHHA
> 
> Killua: alluka no more evil laughing pleaseeee 
> 
> Alluka: no sissy will not stop evil laughing 
> 
> Alluka: Okay I gotta go, we are heading to the museum now! 
> 
> Killua: OKAY!! HAVE FUN BE SAFE 
> 
> Alluka: you be safe :-) 
> 
> Killua: what 
> 
> Alluka: nothing bye
> 
> KilluA: ALLUKA 

* * *

**Killua - > to -> Gon**

> Killua: Good morning! You fell asleep on your phone 
> 
> Gon: HI! And oopsie hehhehehe
> 
> Gon: oh no I’ve been hanging out with alluka too much ahhhh 
> 
> Killua: ALLUKA AND I WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THAT AHHAHHA 
> 
> Killua: also yeah that’s a little scary no more Hehes please Jackson Michael 
> 
> Gon: HHSJKSJS SATPPSJSNDJD STOP MAKING ME LAUGH IM ALREADY LATE TO SCHOOL 
> 
> Killua: HSJJSJD GON HURRY UP AND GO TO SCHOOL I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING 
> 
> Gon: OH ?
> 
> Gon: go ahead I’m like corn. all ears 
> 
> Killua: I- 
> 
> Killua: MOVING ON
> 
> Killua: So... 
> 
> Gon: So? 
> 
> Killua: Alluka said she is going on a girls field trip with bisky, you know that girls judo group she's in at the dojo? 
> 
> Gon: Oh yeah! 
> 
> Gon: She was telling me more about it last night. I am really happy she made so many friends there :,) 
> 
> Killua: Me too. I met a few of them they were very nice
> 
> Gon: Too bad they dont play minecraft :-( 
> 
> Killua: Well thats what she has you for 
> 
> Gon: HAHA THATS ALL IM GOOD FOR? FEEDING HER MINECRAFT ADDICTIOn? 
> 
> Killua: PRECISELY 
> 
> Killua: Anyway they are gonna be gone until like 7pm tonight. 
> 
> Gon: Oh? 
> 
> Killua: How about I walk you home from school and we hang out all day together. Just the two of us? 
> 
> Gon: I would like that. A lot. I CAN PEE WITH THE DOOR OPEN
> 
> Killua: IS THAT ALL YOU CARE ABOUT
> 
> Gon: no….. 
> 
> Gon: We can makeout on the couch. I have been thinking about that
> 
> Killua: GON HAHAHAH WHY THE COUCH 
> 
> Gon: IDK I JUST WANT TO. It's getting boring just doing it in my room and sometimes when we take showers together.
> 
> Gon: WHICH WE CAN TAKE OUR SWEET TIME DOING NOW
> 
> Killua: That is very true. But also…
> 
> Gon: Also…..
> 
> Killua: I have something else in mind too. 
> 
> Gon: OH? 
> 
> Killua: yeah. 
> 
> Gon: is it what I think it is??? 
> 
> Killua: perhaps 
> 
> Gon: oh? :D
> 
> Killua: Talk about it when I pick you up? 
> 
> Gon: Oh okay!! 
> 
> Gon: SEE YOU SOON KILLUAAAAAA
> 
> Killua: see you soon dummy :-)
> 
> Gon: OUCH that hurt 
> 
> Killua: HAHA YEAH RIGHT 
> 
> Go: No really I have dyscalculia you cant call me that you bully 
> 
> Killua: GON HAHHAHAHA STOP IT 
> 
> Gon: I am telling on you 
> 
> Gon: LEORIO KILLUA IS MAKING FUN OF MY LEARNING DISABILITYYYYY
> 
> Killua: GOSbVHSKS NO I AM ANOTAVAA
> 
> Killua: YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE WHY DO I LIKE YOU SO MUCH 
> 
> Gon: Idk I just got lucky i guess 
> 
> Killua: No, I’m the one who is lucky. 
> 
> Gon: owwww my kokoro…… you are going to break my heart you know that??? 
> 
> Killua: Oh yeah. I know. 
> 
> Gon: okay now i seriously have to go I dont want detention…. Again… this month…. 
> 
> Killua: HAAH WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE SKIPPING CLASS TWO WEEKS AGO
> 
> Gon: SHHHH 
> 
> Gon: Okay bye killua love ya to pieces 
> 
> Killua: LOVE YOUUUU 

* * *

**Gon- > to -> Killua **

> Gon: Okay I got excited and asked to go to the bathroom but I am just not gonna go back because there's like ten minutes left of class, and I can beat the traffic out of school this way
> 
> Killua: NO FRICKING WAY 
> 
> Killua: I starting walking ten minutes early because I got excited 
> 
> Gon: YOURE KIDDING 
> 
> Gon: AH I SEE YOU HHEHEHEHHE 
> 
> Gon: DO YOU SEE ME BY THE SECOND LEVEL WINDOW I AM WAVING NO ONE ELSE IS IN THE HALLWAY YOU CANT MISS ME
> 
> Killua: I SEE YOU I AM WAVING BACK AHHAHA 
> 
> Killua: normally I dont encourage skipping but I will today, as a treat. 
> 
> Killua: also even if there were people in that hallway I would only notice you. 
> 
> Gon: KILLUA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 
> 
> Gon: YOU ARE GONNA KILL ME SHJSJLKSSJS 
> 
> Killua: I can see you blushing from here 
> 
> Gon: REALLY 
> 
> Killua: NO YOU DUMBASS YOURE TOO FAR AWAY HURRY UP 
> 
> Gon: what if I just jump out the window itll be faster 
> 
> Killua: the fact that you type that as you go down the stairs
> 
> Gon: Don’t want you to be mad today
> 
> Killua: thats sweet. Now HURRY TF UP 
> 
> Gon: DONT RUSH ME HGSHJSS IF I JUST JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW THIS WOULD BE FSTER
> 
> Gon: hhahahah i am running now kjshwkdxskkx I loge that we came at the sameuyytime 
> 
> Killua: Me too. 
> 
> Gon: I KUSTG ALSO LIOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT US 
> 
> Killua: me too stop texting youre slowing down 
> 
> Gon: NOPE I CAN NOT LAST MORE THAN THIRty seconds without contact with you or else i will die 
> 
> Killua: ARe you walking down the first floor hallway just to tease me 
> 
> Gon: no I got tired 
> 
> Killua: YOU TIRED? 
> 
> Gon: okay maybe a little bit 
> 
> Killua: I will go in there wark my mords 
> 
> Killua: I CAN SEE YOU LAUGHING 
> 
> Killua: oh you are putting your phone away now 
> 
> Killua: Oh you are jumping out the window 
> 
> Killua: OH YOU ARE SPRINTING TOWRADS ME LAUGHING LIKE A MANIAC
> 
> Killua: I AM ALSO LAUGHING ILL SPRINT TOWARDS YOU SO WE LOOK LIKE A COUPLE OF CRAZY PEOPLE 
> 
> Killua: I LOVE US SO MCUH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am imagining Kurapika behind the scenes is just laying in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark contemplating his life.   
> You can follow me on my hxh tumblr @disastergaykillua <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter speaks for itself.  
> TW mentioned sexual assault.  
> As always, Thanks for reading and enjoy!

**Killua - > to -> leorio **

> Killua: Can we talk? 
> 
> Killua: Like on the phone? 
> 
> Leorio: whats wrong? 
> 
> Leorio: I can come and pick you up if you want? 
> 
> Killua: Actually that would be ideal 
> 
> Leorio: Okay I’ll be there in 15-25 Minutes 
> 
> Leorio: I won’t text and drive either 
> 
> Killua: Okay sounds good. 
> 
> Leorio: see you in a bit, On my way 
> 
> Killua: okay 

* * *

  
  


Leorio sees Killua sitting in the driveway. His arms are pulled tightly, protectively, around his knees, which are pressed just as tightly to his chest. Leorio feels as though his own heart is breaking. 

Killua looks up at the sound of the tires, harsh on the asphalt. The sound of a car’s breaks as it slows down—Leorio is pulling to the driveway. As Leorio stares through his windshield, he can’t look away from Killua’s hurt eyes as he looks up while Leorio parks. Killua’s hair is disheveled and his eyes are puffy. Leorio wants to cry too. 

Killua gets up and moves to his suv. In the dark the suv stands out like a guiding light, silver and shiny. There is a huge dent on the driver’s side, from when Leorio tried to teach Gon how to parallel park and he hit a tree. It makes him laugh out of love when he remembers Gon’s panicked face behind the wheel, his frantic promise to pay him to fix it. Leorio Just laughed at Gon then and he laughs at him now, because he loves that dent. It brings back good memories. It’s like the large brown coffee stain on the cream roof from when Kurapika saw a spider crawling on the car and threw his drink at it. Or the huge rip in his backseat from Killua’s claws that time he was trying to click in his seatbelt and Alluka screamed in his ear excitedly when her favorite song played on the radio. He loved those little moments and he loves this big ugly van so much. Leorio thinks he may be a hoarder in the future because he doesn’t see himself ever getting rid of this car or anything in it. 

The passenger door opens and slams shut. Killua sits onto the seat pulling the seat belt tightly and clicking it—no claws out this time, no Alluka to scream in his ear. 

Leorio looks at Killua and waits. The silence drags on. Leorio holds his foot on the break before he pulls out of the driveway, he holds his foot there, steadily until Killua feels ready. Killua stares down at his lap. His hands shaking slightly, Leorio wants to grab them, do anything to relieve Killua’s pain, his uneasiness. But he knows he should just wait. After what seemed like hours, Killua’s mouth finally begins to move.

“Leorio,” Killua isn’t looking at him. “Am I a bad person?” He asks with a small voice. 

Leorio pulls his arm over to Killua’s chair and turns his head to back up. “No. I don’t think you are.” Leorio is on the main road now, he doesn’t need to back up anymore, only go forward. So he shifts the car into drive. His arm isn’t moving from the back of Killua's chair. “Why do you say that?” 

Killua looks at Leorio, they are at the stop sign now. The one right in front of Bisky’s house. He turns to Killua. Killua looks so unbelievably sad.

“Why?” Leorio echoes his question again. 

Killuas head tips down and Leorio watches as he releases a loud sob, his head falling into his hands. Leorio doesn’t know what to do, so he keeps driving. His arm rests on Killuas shoulder now. Thumb comforting and firm, rubbing small circles into his clavicle. 

Killua sobs loudly like he hasn’t allowed himself to unleash his sorrow fully; it sounds awful and primal, like a lion's anguished roar. 

Leorio keeps driving forward, what else can he do? His hand lays supportive and firm, holding Killua’s shoulder in a way he hopes will help ground Killua as he lets it all out. He has never seen Killua like this. 

Killua’s sobbing finally lightens as Leorio keeps driving. Past Chica’s, past Donaldmc’s, past Killua’s second favorite ice cream parlor. Past Bisky’s dojo. 

Killua’s cries become sniffles now, but he keeps his head down. His hands are curled into cruel fists, his nails making half moon crescents into his pale palm. 

Leorio waits, and he keeps driving, his foot on the gas pedal. Killua looks up. They are about to hit a yellow light, and it is their tradition to punch the roof of the car every time they drive through a yellow light. Leorio had taken that tradition from a med school friend a few years ago—he had done it once while driving Gon, and Gon’s eyes had sparkled as he asked what that was about. Leorio explained you punch the roof every time you run through a yellow light. It’s like good luck, it’s like knocking on wood. You have to do it every time. 

Up on the roof, there are little dents from when Gon had a particularly bad day at school the first month, and Leorio kept hitting yellow lights, almost as though Gon prayed for them, prayed so he could punch the roof to let out a little steam. Because maybe, that would be enough.

Killua turns to the road, and Leorio wants to punch the roof with him so badly, he knows Killua does too, maybe it’ll make this feel more normal. Maybe he can let out some steam like Gon had so many times before. Leorio thinks he might hit the light at red and not make it, so he presses down harder on the gas, and drives faster, twenty miles above the speed limit. And they make it to the interception. As they watch the yellow light shine brightly in the dark, Killua and Leorio punch the roof hard, simultaneously, like clockwork. It’s tradition. The sound of their loud thump vibrates in the car as Leorio slows it down. Killua turns to him and Leorio watches out of his peripheral vision. 

“Gon and I, you know how we talked about going further?” Killua starts. Leorio had just given Killua the talk yesterday morning. And maybe given a few condoms. For later just in case. He doubts they’d be ready but still. Better safe than sorry, Leorio thinks. He nods to show he is listening, and is giving Killua the floor to speak. “Well, we tried today.” Killua stops. 

He looks down to his feet. He takes a big stuttering gulp, to calm his sore throat from crying. 

“It didn’t go good.” Killua looks down still. “He was fine when his hand was... on me. But when I started touching him he flinched, but he told me to keep going when I stopped, so I did. And then um.” Killua is crying again. “When I moaned his name he started crying. Really hard. And he got up and ran out. And he—” Killua is choking a little now, but he needs to say it out loud. “J-Just ran in his room and he—he.” Killua stops and tries to breathe but only manages to pull out a few shaky breaths. 

Leorio rests his hand on Killua’s shoulder. “Hey breathe, it’s okay.” Leorio says. 

“NO!” Killua shouts. He turns to Leorio who’s eyes widened at the outburst. 

“Sorry. I just—I kept going when I should have stopped when he flinched. And he—he locked the door.” Killua stops. His breathing gets heavy. He tries to go in and out, tries to take big deep breaths. “We never lock our doors.” Killua turns and looks right at Leorio as if he thinks his friend beside him won’t believe him. “I heard the click on the handle. He locked it, Leorio, he locked his door.” 

Leorio looks at Killua, his eyes are bloodshot red, his under eyes puffy, his face pale and sickly. He looks void of life, like he cried it all out. Like the life flowed out of him in his heavy tears the moment Gon shut the door.

Leorio reaches over into his middle console and takes out a packet of tissues and tosses it onto Killua’s lap, who gives him a look but takes one out nonetheless. He blows his nose loudly. 

Leorio thinks about what that means. “He locked his door?” Leorio wonders aloud as he drives. Part to taste the words on his tongue to process them, and part to encourage Killua to keep talking. 

Killua stares into his crumpled and snotty napkin. Filled with sad mucus and even sadder tears it sits heavy and wet in his hands. “I think I really hurt him.” Killua whispers at the napkin. 

The silence is heavy. Leorio isn’t sure what to say. He wants to be there for Killua, he wants to support him and love him unconditionally like a friend—no like a brother, like family. He looks around and he sees a shitty fast food place, quickly deciding to pull into the parking lot. 

Once the car is in park, Leorio looks directly at Killua, whose eyes are glued to his pale shaking hands. 

“Do you mind if I hug you—” before Leorio can finish his question Killua bends over the console and pulls Leorio into a tight bone crushing hug. Leorio shifts to be more comfortable for Killua and hugs back tightly.

Killua's breath shakes, his body crumples like paper in Leorio’s sweater. 

“Killua,” Leorio starts. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You asked him and he told you yes, right? You stopped for him and he said to keep going right?” Killua nods his head into Leorio's chest. Leorio thinks he feels so much younger and smaller like this. “It’s not your fault.” He tells him. Killua cries out and Leorio can feel the tears soak his shirt. He didn’t know Killua could cry this much. Could cry this much in front of him.

“It’s really not your fault. I think he freaked out because of what he told me, this one time. Killua,” Leorio pulls back to look at him, Killua looks up and takes this space to grab another tissue from the package. “How much has Gon told you about his sexual assaults?” 

Killua stares at Leorio in horror, his heartbeat stops momentarily. “Leorio don’t tell me—” 

“No. Nothing like that, no penetration.” Leorio clarifies. He can feel Killua’s heart beat picking back up. 

Killua watches. Leorio feels bad, this isn’t for him to say but Killua needs to know. He just wishes Gon had said something instead of him. Before Leorio can open his mouth to speak Killua’s phone buzzes loudly in his pocket. Killua pulls it out. He looks at who is calling and he looks back at Leorio. 

“It’s Gon.” _A miracle._

“You should take it. I’ll go outside.” Leorio says. Killua nods, and picks it up as Leorio unbuckles and begins to get out. 

“Hi—oh, hey Gon, shhh it’s okay.” He hears Killua coo into the phone as he gets out. It never ceases to amaze him how Killua’s voice can change like that. Only for Nanika, Alluka, and Gon. But still. Leorio looks into his car as he walks into the fast food joint. He sees Killua nodding, listening, and he knows everything will be alright. 

He walks in and the worker looks awfully bored, they look up with dead eyes and a straight face. Their hair pulled into loose dark dreads. 

“Your shirt is covered in snot.” The worker says dryly. 

“Great service you got here.” Leorio shoots back defensively. The worker shrugs. 

“We are underpaid. What do you want?” The worker asks. 

“Can I get a chocolate milkshake and large fries.” He asks, taking out his wallet from his back pocket. 

“Break up?” the worker asks as they punch in the digits. Tragically, his fight with Kurapika pops in his head. Kurapika’s body backlit by the hall light as he walked out the door popped into his head. Kurapikas’s last text two nights ago pops up in his head, Kurapika—he pushes the thought away angrily. _This isn’t about you, stop feeling sad for yourself, you're here for Killua._ He screams at himself.

“Your dumped ass total is 970 jenny.” A dull voice anchors him back.

“No, I wasn’t dumped.” _I dumped him. Though we were never really even dating._ Leorio thinks as he continues. _“_ My pseudo brother’s partner has trauma they haven’t fully unpacked and he got caught in the crossfire.” Leorio isn’t sure why he’s saying this to the worker as he places a 1000 jenny bill into their outreached palm.

“Well, shit.” They drone. The cash register clicks open. “Your change is—“ 

“You can keep that.” 

“So generous.” The worker frowns. Eyes lit with sarcasm. 

“I have 250k jenny in student loans, sorry.” 

The worker nods sagely. “Word.” 

The silence fills the room, awkwardly, as the worker goes into the back to make the food. It’s a small place with no one in it. He hopes the food isn’t too terrible. Killua has the pickiness of a young child. 

He looks back into his car, only to see that Killua is outside, still on the phone. His hand cradling the phone to his ear, his other hand is in his pocket as he kicks a pebble absentmindedly. 

Leorio smiles. That kid is so tough. He really loves him. He really loves them both. Leorio greedily wishes nothing bad ever happens to them again, but he knows that the universe (and life) isn’t as caring or as merciful as his wish is. 

“Hey pseudo brother with the snot shirt, your food.” The worker calls him. Leorio turns and walks over to grab it off the colorful counter. The bright yellow and red contrast against the workers dull and dry voice. Their dark face. 

“Thanks so much.” Leorio says. The worker looks at him. “Sorry about the comment earlier… Have a good night.” 

Leorio turns before it can get more awkward as he struts out the door fast. 

“YOU TOO!” The worker calls after him, the sliding door slams behind him loudly. Killua looks up, mid sentence. 

“Yeah, I know.” Killua says. Killua nods at Leorio, meaning he can come closer. Leorio does, handing the milkshake to Killua, who looks into the clear lid and smiles brightly at him. Leorio wants to cry all over again. Instead he settles on moving to sit down, his weight falling to sit on the curb next to where he parked in the empty parking lot. The thorny shrubs behind him tickle his back a little as he opens the greasy brown bag and pulls out his fries. 

Killua sips on his milkshake as Leorio watches him pace in a space circle, still absentmindedly kicking a rock. “Like I said earlier, it’s okay. You don’t need to apologize anymore. It hurt my feelings, sure, but I’m more worried about you,” Killua hums at something Gon said. “You can't worry about me ‘mostest’, that just doesn’t make sense.” Killua throws his hands up in exasperation, turning to Leorio and giving him a ‘can you believe him’ look.

Leorio nods at that and eats another fry. Killua eyes his fries as he sips his milkshake. Maybe Leorio should have got two fries. Killua isn’t the best at sharing.

“Hm.” Killua hums. 

“Mhm.” Killua hums again. 

“Well, _I_ still think I should murder him.” A pause. Then he laughs. And Leorio raises his eyebrows. That was quick. The murder makes sense, he knows who they are talking about. Their easy laughter, however, he doesn’t get. 

“Yeah, yeah I know. You like the thoughts in my head.” Killua sighs and plops down next to Leorio, he steals a fry and Leorio lets him. 

Killua munches on the fry as Leorio hears Gon’s raspy voice ring softly through the phone's speaker. 

“Yes, I love you too.” Killua says, with no embarrassment or shame. Only love and light. 

“Okay, I will be home later. Okay. Take your time.” Killua grabs another fry when Leorio shares the bag, gesturing it towards him. 

“No I’m eating a french fry right now.” A pause. “I’m with Leorio, I said so earlier.” A laugh. “Okay, okay, love you too.” 

Killua laughs. He looks at Leorio intently. “No, you hang up.” Leorio chokes on his fry. 

“No, you—” Leorio starts coughing, then wheezing and finally laughing as Killua turns back to the phone, smiling big and wickedly. “Yeah it worked, you were right. Okay, I’m gonna go. Love you.” Killua finishes and laughs at Leorio as he puts the phone down. Leorio is still coughing, trying to recover. 

“Gon said you would find that funny.” Killua smiles at him, his canines sharp and toothy as he snatches another fry. Of course Gon wanted to make him laugh when he wasn’t even here.

Leorio presses his greasy hand to his chest. 

“You—” he breathes, “you guys bounce back too quickly.” Leorio says as he breathes better without the salty fry and the seasoned laughter lodged in his throat. 

Killua smiles softly at him. It’s a new smile he hasn’t seen yet, but Leorio is a hoarder and he holds onto the smile as Killua turns away. He holds onto it and gives that smile space in his memory, so he can remember the first time Killua looked at him like he was really family. Like he was really someone he loved. 

“We have to. No one ever stopped for us to catch up.” Killua looks at him and grins. Then he turns his head back to the highway ramp. His grin falls easily off his face. Into something more serious. 

“I rushed us. I wanted to be physically intimate with him so bad I rushed it. I told Gon that. Gon just said he felt the same way. He wanted it just as badly. He said he was thinking about it all day. That he was _that_ excited. It made me feel better when he said that. He always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. But—” Killua takes a shaky breath. 

Killua starts talking again. “Then he told me he was sorry. Can you believe that? He said _he_ was sorry he _hurt me_.” Killua shakes his head. “Then he explained the moan just threw him off because it reminded him of something. And he told me briefly. He said it felt good at first but he was still scared. ‘New feelings are scary.’ That’s what he said.” 

Leorio looks at Killua sideways. Killua stares at the highway ramp. The cars going south, the cars going north, they are almost interchangeable. 

“You’re very mature for your age. When I was 16 I didn’t think this hard about sex.” Leorio hums. “I am proud of you for talking it out.” It's the truth. Leorio stares up into the night sky. 

“Thanks, it’s the trauma.” Killua snorts. Leorio smiles at that. It’s his way of coping with what’s unchangeable, with what's inevitable, Leorio decides, staring at the stars. 

“You didn't deserve to go through any of that, you or Gon.” Leorio says sternly. 

Killua stares as cars speed up and down the ramp as he moves his eyes to where Leorio is looking, up at the stars. “I think, in some sick twisted way, I’m happy it did happen.” 

“Why?” Leorio asks as he turns to glance at Killua, who shares his eye contact effortlessly. 

“We all got to meet. And become a new family, a better one than the one I had been given.” Killua turns away and looks down to the fast food place. 

Leorio smiles at him. “Look at you being optimistic. You’re turning softer everyday.” 

Killua hums. 

Leorio continues. “I remember not really trusting you when we first met, all those years ago at the Hunter Exam. I thought you were a bit too dry, even a bit malicious. Then I saw you interact with Gon and it reminded me you were just a kid. Not even 12 yet. And I felt awful for having judged you. And now look at us. Brothers.” 

Killua smiles. “Brothers.” He breaths back. 

“The two of you, Kurapika, Alluka. I love you guys more than anything.” Leorio says momentous and loud into the night. 

“Even more than money?” Killua jokes. His shoulder nudges Leorio’s playfully. 

Leorio nudges back. “Are you kidding? Watching you and Gon grow together is priceless.” 

“Well,” Killua says nonchalantly as he stares into the blinking neon store sign. The light reflects into his blue eyes. “We were made for eachother. Gon and I.” He smiles softly at that and he turns his vision back into his lap where the chocolate shake is resting. “At least I think so.” He takes a sip. 

Leorio stares at him. He feels himself smile without trying. 

They breathe into a comfortable silence. 

“Do you want to head back?” Leorio asks tentatively. 

Killua stares out into the highway ramp across from the food place. The cars are driving so fast, their red and white lights blurry in the night. 

“No, we can hang out a bit? Since we are here together now anyway. Gon said he’s gonna play minecraft with Alluka. I trust Alluka with him. And maybe we should have a bit of space while we cool off too.” Killua turns to him. 

Leorio smiles at him and wraps an arm around his shoulder, he feels like Killua grew. 

“Wait, how tall are you again?” Leorio asks.

Killua stops to think, wrapping the arm that isn’t holding his shake, mirroring Leorio’s, onto Leorio's back. Firm and brotherly. Leorio smiles big and goofy. 

“I think 5’11 last time I checked. Which may or may not have been yesterday at the hospital.” He hums as an afterthought. 

“Oh wow you'll probably be as tall as me soon.” Leorio thinks aloud. “Kurapika is gonna be pissed.” 

They both laugh at that. Their arms around each other. The laugh falls into another comfortable heavy silence, like a mother draping a warm blanket onto them. 

The summer night air is just cool enough to be comfortable, where they are, it’s closer to the ocean. Leorio feels a desire pull at him, he wishes they were at the beach right now. 

“I wish we were at the beach.” Killua says softly into the night air, like he's blowing on candles making a wish.

“I was just thinking that.” Leorio turns to look at Killua who turns to look at him. They smile dumb and goofily at each other. 

“It’s like an hour drive, let’s make like Kurapika and be impulsive and just go!” Leorio moves to get up, Killua following him. Leorio stares, Killua is right, he is about 5’11, he stands so much taller than Leorio remembers. There’s a glint in his eyes. 

“Yes! Let’s go!” 

He turns to go to the car and Leorio follows, Killua climbs into the passenger seat as Leorio hops in the driver's. 

“I still need to teach you how to drive.” Leorio says absentmindedly. “You will probably be better than Gon, don't tell him that.” 

“Oh, I will.” Killua laughs. 

“Want to listen to music?” Leorio motions towards the radio. 

Killua nods, he goes to mess with it. Sound floods into the car, heavy bass and guitar. Killua likes the alternative rock station. It’s in the car's memory. Alluka likes the radio station that is hourly and different people choose, it’s in the car's memory. Gon likes whatever Killua wants to listen to and folk, it’s in the car's memory. Kurapika likes to drive in silence, it’s in the car's memory. Kurapika likes to drive with his hand on Leorio's thigh, he likes to drive staring at Leorio as he sings off key with a smirk, he likes to drive with a large coffee accompanying him, his phone on silent and do not disturb. It’s in Leorio's memory tucked away somewhere precious next to Killua’s familial smile, next to Gon’s light laugh as he punches the roof, next to Allukas happy shouts into everyone’s ears. Leorio is a hoarder and he hoards these memories safely in his brain. 

Leorio thinks about the argument they had. A few days ago. He thinks about his body being crushed by Kurapika’s ugly-ass cherry red hatchback. A tragic and unsightly death. He’d rather die by anything other than an electric car. He seriously would rather die by _anything_ else, and Kurapika suffocating in his own gluttony and wrath won’t be one of the ways he could die he’s sure of it. He forgives Kurapika, what else is there to do, but he’s allowed to be angry. He’s allowed to miss him. 

“Leorio,” Killua interrupts Leorio's thoughts as he looks at him, they’ve been driving in comfortable silence for a while. Leorio didn’t even notice. “Will you tell me more about the EMT hunter work? They were so brief and I’ve been thinking about it ever since you showed me it during the bring your brother to work day or whatever they call it.” 

Killua is smiling again. His eyes are still tinted pink, and his face has more color now. 

“Oh yeah sure! It’s called family day, by the way.” Leorio turns back to the highway. 

“You’re gonna need a strong stomach if you are thinking about EMT work, especially the hunter branch of it.” 

“I have the strongest stomach around.” Killua says patting his belly, “This ole’ thing? Made of steel.” 

_My parents made sure of it_ lingers unspoken. 

“I believe it.” Leorio smiles and turns the volume up. “Tell Gon and Alluka we are gonna be back late.” Leorio says to Killua. 

“I will. I already texted Alluka.” 

“What did she say?” 

“Have fun. And a meme that says ‘brothership ended with Illumi and Milluki Leorio is my brother now’.” Killua and Leorio laugh at the absurdity of that. Alluka is hilarious. Her memes are awful. 

“What did Gon say?” Leorio asks over the music.

“He didn’t answer yet but I bet he will say to bring him back a shell. That’s our thing.” Killua smiles. Remembering.

Leorio hums. 

Killua takes a deep breath, and Leorio turns to look at him. “Leorio, I’m only going to say this once so listen up okay?” Leorio nods, Killua continues. “Thank you for everything. I love you. A lot.” Killua turns away to look out the window. Before Leorio can say anything, before he can stop the happy tears forming, Killua speaks up again. “You better not cry—I cried enough for both of us.” 

Leorio laughs too quickly at that, coughing a little, happiness lodged in his throat, which makes Killua laugh at him. 

“I love you too Killua. You’re like the brother I always wanted. Gon, too but he’s a little shit sometimes.” Leorio smiles. 

“Me too. You’re like the brother I wanted my actual brothers to be.” Killua says this softly. Leorio smiles. 

“Who? I am your only brother now.” Leorio declares loudly as he turns back from Killua to the road. As Leorio turns his head, he notices an out of state license plate. Killua isn’t looking at the road, so he smiles and shouts “Jersey Shin out of state!” As he playfully punches Killua’s shoulder. 

Killua perks up and looks at him, his eyes lit with competitive sparkles. “Oh, so we are playing that game now huh?” 

“Always have, Killua. Always have.” 

Killua smirks at that and glues his eyes to the road. 

_This ride will be short,_ Leorio thinks. _And my arm will be so bruised._

He grins, staring into the brake lights of all the cars and the darkness of the night. He hopes they get sand in the car. He hopes the sand seeps itself through the felt seats and stays there forever, so he’ll see sand years after. He hopes the sand stays in his car's carpet like glitter. So he can keep this memory safe, so this adventure stays in the car’s memory forever and his car can forever be a reminder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sorry!! did I dedicate a whole chapter to show Leorio and Killua bonding? perhaps? Did I write this chapter on purpose to HURT you and then immediately give your boo-boo a lil kissy? yes.  
> Also shout out to all the water signs. water signs, do you ignore your problems and fix your friends instead? Leorio sure does. But he’s a mature adult so he can work through his issues don’t worry about him!  
> I would also advise you guys to think about what the doors symbolize... They have been here since the first part!  
> Until next time!!!  
> xoxo Lu <3 <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW two more updates after this one! Crazy huh? the next one will not come for a bit, totally because I want it to be extra dramatic... haha haha....  
> Enjoy this update, Alluka finally gets the spotight she deserves! Except this is still a Gon centric fic so its not too much of a spotlight.. ANYWAY  
> Special shout out to @sunnysideblonde for editing all my stuff I love ya Rosie! Also she wrote an awesome killugon nascar au! Go check it out!   
> As always, Thanks for reading and enjoy!

**Leorio - > to -> Killua**

> Leorio: You feeling better? 
> 
> Killua: yeah 
> 
> Leorio: How’s Gon? 
> 
> Killua: you said it yourself we bounce back too quick 
> 
> Leorio: Did you guys talk more 
> 
> Killua: Yeah 
> 
> Killua: you are very worried about our communication I appreciate it, but we communicate well in my opinion no need to worry 
> 
> Leorio: No i agree you guys are good at it especially for a couple of dumb 16 year olds 
> 
> Killua: How dare you insult my intelligence AND Gon’s its not his fault he has dyscalculia 
> 
> Leorio: HAH ajss I am just kiddin you’re smart, its fair game in comedy material you know
> 
> Leorio: Gon is too he just likes to pretend he isn't
> 
> Leorio: I think he just likes shocking people who underestimate him 
> 
> Killua: oh yeah 100 percent 
> 
> Killua: This one time he was like “I wanna beat up your dad” And i was like “you're 5’5 he will tower over you” And you know what he said 
> 
> Killua: He said “just because he's taller than me doesn’t mean I can’t look down on him”
> 
> Killua: I literally was speechless for like two minutes. 
> 
> Leorio: He is so hardcore i dont know where it comes from 
> 
> Leorio: The most ride or die person I have ever met. I love that damn kid. 
> 
> Killua: I love him too. I wanna murder those women and that damn clown. And I have been really good about not wanting to kill people for like idk three years. 
> 
> Leorio: Hm never thought I would say this but I am proud of you for not being homicidal. 
> 
> Killua: HAHAH My ancestors are rolling in their graves 
> 
> Leorio: I wish Zeno and Silva were in their graves too :) 
> 
> Killua: LEORUOHBHJ HAHAHHAKL
> 
> Leorio: For real though
> 
> Leorio: How the fuck did you turn out okay 
> 
> Killua: I mean you guys helped me a lot. 
> 
> Killua: Gon helped me a lot, especially in the beginning. 
> 
> Killua: and after, Alluka helped me so so much.
> 
> Killua: She taught me a lot about accepting yourself when we were together by ourselves for those ten months. She is kind, and strong. I don’t know how but even when I was physically protecting her, I felt like she was the one protecting me. 
> 
> Leorio: When did you get so introspective? 
> 
> Killua: Always have been Leorio, Always have been. 
> 
> Leorio: Yeah well at least now you are sharing with the class. 
> 
> Killua: hasjsksjs yeah. 
> 
> Leorio: Okay I need to go my professor is glaring at me for texting… LOVE YA BYE 
> 
> Killua: BYE LUV YA TOO U WACKO

* * *

**Gon - > to -> Killua **

> Gon: Killua did you see the thing I left you on the counter 
> 
> Killua: YOU MEaN THE CHOCOROBO WITHA CUTE NOTE
> 
> Killua: Then yes I am crying as we speak 
> 
> Gon: NO DONT CRY 
> 
> Killua: i am just kidding I never cry 
> 
> Gon: okay thats just a blatant lie. 
> 
> Gon: ANYWAY walk me home from school today? 
> 
> Killua: I am on my way already stop texting in class 
> 
> Killua: Please
> 
> Gon: OK fine only cuz you asked so nicely 
> 
> Gon: see ya!!!! 
> 
> Killua: SEE YA 

* * *

**Gon- > to -> Fearsome Foursome**

> Gon: Hello whats everyone up to right now? 
> 
> Leorio: I am trying to study in my universities library 
> 
> Leorio: Keyword trying
> 
> Gon: Why trying 
> 
> Leorio: Nat keeps flicking pencil lead at me 
> 
> Gon: FLU GIVER
> 
> Gon: FIRST THEY GIVE YOU THE FLU 
> 
> Gon: NOW THEY ARE TRYING TO GIVE YOU LEAD POSIONING 
> 
> Killua: you gotta ingest the lead to get lead poisoning gon 
> 
> Killua: so unless leorio is trying to catch the Lead with his mouth I doubt he is getting lead poisoning 
> 
> Leorio: I am catching it with my mouth 
> 
> Gon: NOOOSUSHJS 
> 
> Leorio: ahahaah im just joshing 
> 
> Leorio: What are you guys up to? 
> 
> Gon: wheres pika :,( 
> 
> Killua: probably killing house spiders with his chains 
> 
> Leorio: Maybe hes sleeping. 
> 
> Gon: ITS LIKE SIX PM also we all know Kurapika doesn’t sleep. 
> 
> Killua: Also I am walking alluka to her friend's house. She has a birthday party to go to. 
> 
> Gon: guess what Im doing leorio 
> 
> Gon: Killua dont help him
> 
> Killua: not even a hint? 
> 
> Gon: NO HINTS!!
> 
> Gon: HINTS ARE FOR LOSERS 
> 
> Leorio: Helpful things aren’t for losers 
> 
> Gon: …..ehhhhhh…… debatable
> 
> Leorio: NOT DEBATABLE
> 
> Leorio: Killua can I get a hint please 
> 
> Killua: Its productive. 
> 
> Gon: KILLUA HOW COULD YOYHSGBJSKJNSS 
> 
> Leorio: Gon? Productive? You must be joking 
> 
> Gon: SHUT UP I am always very productive all the time 
> 
> Gon: ANYWAYS GUESS 
> 
> Leorio: Uh idk doing sudoku 
> 
> Gon: ew no thats killuas thing AND HOW IS THAT PRODUCTIVE 
> 
> Killua: DON’T SAY EW ABOUT SUDOKU 
> 
> Gon: ew.
> 
> Killua: WHATEVER when your brain starts getting dementia because you didnt do enough brain training puzzles dont come crying to me
> 
> Gon: I HAVE A NUMBERS LEARNING DISABILITY WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO SUDOKU
> 
> Leorio: THAT IS PERCISLLY WHY YOU SHOULD DO SUDOKU 
> 
> Gon: Ugh are you done guessing 
> 
> Leorio: NO 
> 
> Leorio: You are sewing alluka a sweater 
> 
> Gon: no but I should
> 
> Gon: UGH CAN I JUST SAY It
> 
> Killua: He is making me buttered noodles 
> 
> Gon: killuaaaa whyyyy
> 
> Killua: suckerrrr
> 
> Gon: anyway yeah I am making Killua and I buttered noodles for dinner because despite being immune to poison he is not immune to his taste buds being that of a picky child 
> 
> Leorio: Everytime you randomly speak super verbosely it makes me very happy 
> 
> Leorio: ALSO BUTTERED NOODLES AGAIN I MADE YOU THOSE A FEW DAYS AGO 
> 
> Killua: what can I say, I am a man of culture 
> 
> Leorio: HOW ARE BUTTERED NOODLES CULTURE???? 
> 
> Killua: SHUT IT gon adds pepper and garlic salt to it. 
> 
> Gon: Killua thinks garlic salt and pepper is considered a spice. 
> 
> Killua: IT IS
> 
> Leorio: This is so sad Killua please say sike
> 
> Leorio: SAY SIKE KIKI 
> 
> Killua: Pepper Is A Spice. 
> 
> Killua: Garlic Salt Is A Spice.
> 
> Gon: Whatever I made you shoyu ramen once and you said it was spicy 
> 
> Gon: SHOYU IS JUST SOY SAUCE 
> 
> Leorio: AHHAHAHHAHJAHAJ KIKI OMG
> 
> Killua: I- 
> 
> Killua: DO NOT SLANDER ME LIKE THAT
> 
> Killua: YOU PUT SRIRACHA IN IT 
> 
> Gon: Sriracha IS NOT SPICY 
> 
> Leorio: It is a little bit hot 
> 
> Gon: NO ITS NOTTTTT 
> 
> Killua: IT IS SEE EVEN LEORIO SAYS IT IS SPICY  
>  Leorio: NO I SAID ITS A LITTLE BIT HOT DONT PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH
> 
> Killua: we ARE ATEXTING
> 
> Leorio: Atexting? What is that? 
> 
> Killua: I HATE YOU 
> 
> Killua: you and gon make typos every other word I make a TYPO one time ONE (1) TIME 
> 
> Leorio: I am allowed typos as a treat 
> 
> Gon: HSJSNNS
> 
> Gon: Killua can your hurry up 
> 
> Killua: dont rush me thats rude
> 
> Gon: SVBHJKOSH
> 
> Gon: I HEAR THE DORO UNlOVJK
> 
> Gon: BYE LEORIO HAVE FUN TRYING TO STUGDHY
> 
> Leorio: BYE THANKS
> 
> Leorio: Have fun eating your plain buttered noodles

* * *

**Gon - > to -> DA Fam**

> Gon: lets all share secrets :D 
> 
> Kurapika: GON IT IS 1:30 am 
> 
> Gon: AND?
> 
> Kurapika: Are you on a walk 
> 
> Gon: maybe 
> 
> Alluka: okay I am going first 
> 
> Gon: YAY
> 
> Alluka: Sometimes while Killua is asleep and I wake up and can’t fall back asleep I braid his hair
> 
> Gon: heheheheh THATS CUTE 
> 
> Gon: is it even long enough?? 
> 
> Alluka: Not really I do french braids :) 
> 
> Gon: AWE  
>  Kurapika: omg Alluka yours was adorable mine feels weird to say now someone spare me
> 
> Gon: I will go then! 
> 
> Alluka: is yours cute too? 
> 
> Gon: nope <3 
> 
> Alluka: JHGJSK OH OK
> 
> Kurapika: GON HAHAH
> 
> Gon: sometimes I lie awake and think about how I am a bastard child but then I remember that Mito has custody and she loves me so I don't care anymore 
> 
> Alluka: I love you. that was…. kinda cute
> 
> Gon: I LOVE YOU TOOOO
> 
> Kurapika: Okay I feel better sharing mine now 
> 
> Kurapika: I don't really care for my job anymore. 
> 
> Gon: Then Quit. 
> 
> Kurapika: I can't. 
> 
> Gon: Why not? 
> 
> Kurapika: It's not that simple. 
> 
> Gon: Oh. Well you’ll figure it out eventually 
> 
> Alluka: yeah 
> 
> Alluka: Or you can just fake your own death and flee to the countryside and raise cattle 
> 
> Gon: AHGAHJKS ALLAUAHAJK that’s my dream lowkey 
> 
> Alluka: GON 
> 
> Gon: KIDIDNG SJDJDJDJDN 
> 
> Kurapika: The thought may or may not have crossed my mind. 
> 
> Killua: Can you guys go back to bed please I am trying to sleep
> 
> Gon: KILLUA DONT BE A KILLUAJOY AND JUST PUT YOUR PHONE ON SILENT 
> 
> Kurapika: KILLUAJOY 
> 
> Alluka: GSHJKSKSNSM
> 
> Killua: No! What if there was an emergency and I couldn’t do anything because my phone was on silent? 
> 
> Alluka: We are all in the house right now.
> 
> Alluka: Oh nvm Gon isnt but 
> 
> Killua: Leorio and Kurapika aren't here either idk what they are up to maybe its life threatening who knows?
> 
> Kurapika: did you just imply that you care about us 
> 
> Killua: yes. I am too tired to even make a retort GOODNIGHT STOP TEXTING ME 
> 
> Gon: no :) 
> 
> Killua: GON where even are you rn 
> 
> Gon: At the park idk just walking aimlessly 
> 
> Gon: what else is new 
> 
> Leorio: Youre not a bastard child 
> 
> Leorio: Alluka I love you sm 
> 
> Leorio: Kurapika I wish you’d quit too
> 
> Kurapika: Again it's complicated. 
> 
> Gon: thanks leorio but I am by definition a bastard child 
> 
> Leorio: No remember you were produced via binary fusion or in a lab via test tube 
> 
> Gon: OH right how could i forget 
> 
> Alluka: HHAHAHA 
> 
>   
>    
> 
> 
> Gon: how mad would you guys be if I gave myself a belly button piercing right now 
> 
> Kurapika: Um how the fuck would you even do that 
> 
> Gon: I have a fishing hook I just gotta put it over a flame to disinfect it and then stab it through my belly button 
> 
> Gon: I guess I’d need a gem or something tho hm 
> 
> Leorio: Gon you are unhinged wtf don’t do that 
> 
> Gon: I don’t even know what that means so your words can’t hurt me :) 
> 
> Kurapika: He is saying you're crazy 
> 
> Gon: that’s rude leorio just because I have dyscalculia?? Ableist. 
> 
> Leorio: SHUT USODJSJBDD 
> 
> Kurapika: Yeah but please don’t do that. I can take you to get an actual belly button piercing done by a professional if you really want 
> 
> Gon: omg yes! 
> 
> Leorio: Why do you want one 
> 
> Gon: idk it would look cool 
> 
> Kurapika: Okay well we can go sometime next week 
> 
> Gon: YAY 
> 
> Leorio: Aren’t you worried about it hurting Gon? And like getting infected this would be your first piercing
> 
> Gon: no pain. no gain. No infections no…uh rejections?hm idk couldn’t think of anything
> 
> Leorio: I don’t like that saying 
> 
> Kurapika: That was bad Gon 
> 
> Gon: I TRIED OK 
> 
> Gon: I want a piercing Rn maybe I’ll just give myself a earlobe one I don’t have a stud tho 
> 
> Kurapika: Please do not do that with a fish hook. 
> 
> Gon: ugh alright fine
> 
> Gon: haters 

* * *

**Alluka- > to -> Gon **

> Alluka: please come back and play minecraft with me I can’t go back to sleep and i braided both Killua's hair and mine
> 
> Gon: so much hair braiding…..
> 
> Gon: but its late Bisky will notice 
> 
> Alluka: Its fun when she gets mad at us 
> 
> Alluka: reminds me she cares about us and its funny seeing her pretend to be angry at me and be actually angry at you :)
> 
> Gon: Alluka……….
> 
> Alluka: pwease uwu
> 
> Gon: yeah okay.
> 
> Gon: okay I’m in the front yard. I think I will stare at the stars real quick first. 
> 
> Gon: Can we change worlds until we get a big beach area 
> 
> Alluka: of course. 
> 
> Gon: And can we spawn a bunch of cows and give them all names and build them homes 
> 
> Alluka: sure
> 
> Gon: And can we build a big garden next to the ocean? 
> 
> Alluka: Yes. 
> 
> Gon: and can we make a big house with wood and brick 
> 
> Gon: And can it be open concept so that way there's no doors and can we just give it lots of windows to look out into the ocean
> 
> Gon: and can we just stay there forever 
> 
> Alluka: yes
> 
> Alluka: can I come look at the stars with you? 
> 
> Gon: yes of course 

* * *

Alluka shuts the front door behind her quietly, she is wearing her favorite pjs, the ones Nanika picked out in the mall with Killua over two years ago. They don’t really fit her growing body, but Nanika doesn’t mind how snug it is, or how the soft, worn-in sleeves don’t quite meet her wrists. So, she continues to wear them proudly. Gon is also wearing pajamas. For some reason, she had expected him to go on his infamous late walks in normal clothes… Yet, as she stares at the back of Gon’s faded band tee shirt and his plaid shorts he cut himself, it makes more sense. She thinks of Killua in a matching band tee, sleeping in his bed, and she begins to walk over to Gon’s spot on the front lawn. Alluka thinks maybe she should have gotten Killua to come out here instead, but she knows Gon well enough to know he will be happy with just her and Nanika. And she’s just happy he came back, without any bad piercings. He clearly needs a distraction right now, Nanika had said so earlier, and Alluka easily agreed with her, as she braided their hair in the dark. 

As Alluka approaches, Gon’s eyes don’t move from the all consuming darkness that is the polluted metropolitan night sky. He doesn't even bother to turn to her as he opens his mouth to speak. 

“Alluka,” Gon says, “what do you dream about when you sleep?” 

Alluka looks away from Gon and up at the stars, there aren't many _. Curse the light pollution_. Alluka thinks, and in her head, Nanika shakes an angry fist up to the sky. Alluka smiles. 

“Honestly, I don’t really dream. I don’t think Nanika sleeps.” She says, turning to Gon who hasn’t taken his eyes off the few sparse stars. He looks as though he might cry.

“Do you mind it?” Gon asks delicately. It's a whisper. 

“No, not really. How could I mind something I have never come to know?” Alluka shrugs. She looks at Gon. He really looks like he needs a hug. Alluka wonders if this is what he always looks like on his walks. If he always walks the dark city of York Shin clad in wrinkly cotton pj’s, sadness evident on his face, looking as though he needs a hug. 

“Could you give me a hug, Gon?” Alluka asks. This way he can hug her and it won’t feel like pity, Alluka thinks. She would never pity Gon, but she doesn’t know how his brain works, this way is safer. Nanika agrees in the back of her head, she would also like to give Gon a big hug. 

Gon finally turns his head to look at Alluka. He smiles at her. “Yes, of course,” he says, and as he says that Alluka swears there is relief in his dark brown eyes, pupils blown wide trying to capture the little light in the darkness of the night. Gon moves to let Alluka wrap her arms around him, as he does the same. It's comforting, familiar. It lasts a long time, them holding each other, both of them not willing to let go.

Eventually they break apart, still holding onto each other's shoulders. Cotton pajama shirts soft and warm under each other's hands. They both gaze into the sky, watching a plane’s lights flash like slow lighting above them. 

“Alluka, let's pretend that's a shooting star, and let's make a wish.” 

“Okay.” Alluka doesn't need to make any wishes. She has Nanika for that. She has Killua too, and Gon, and Leorio and Kurapika, and Zushi and her friends at the dojo. Alluka doesn’t have any wishes to make, so maybe it's okay if she wishes for Gon. Nanika agrees with her in the back of her head, a warm purr like sound that Alluka has come to know as support, as agreement. As shaking an angry fist at the sky.

Alluka just wishes Gon could ask her for a hug when he wants one next time. That he could come to their room, that he could just ask Killua to scoot over in his bed when he’s sad, instead of walking in the darkness of the night. Instead of walking among strangers in the city’s parks. Alluka knows more than anyone what it's like to feel alone. Walking among strangers is the loneliest feeling in the world. Even when she was isolated in the Zoldyck mansion, she has never felt more alone than the times she's walked York Shin without a friend or Killua by her side. 

“What did you wish for, Gon?” Alluka is curious. She hopes Gon will answer. It’s a naive hope, she knows. But still, she can want him to answer. Nanika can hope alongside her too, buzzing happily in the back of her head. 

Gon turns to her. “Isn't it bad luck to say?” Gon smiles. Alluka smiles back, what else can she do? He said what she already knew. 

“Maybe,” Alluka’s arm wrapped around Gon’s shoulder tightens a bit. “Lets go inside and build that house.” _Anything to get out of this darkness,_ Alluka thinks softly. Nanika agrees. 

“It might take all night.” Gon warns her. 

“I know. I signed up for that.” Alluka grins at him wickedly, and Gon thinks that it’s a Zoldyck smile. Killua always makes it when him and Gon are being mischievous, or when Gon asks him if he's up to a challenge. Killua makes it when he is determined above all else, and Gon decides that Alluka is like that too. 

Gon smiles at Alluka. In his Freecss smile. The one Mito gives him when Gon used to tell her he’d help out with laundry. The smile he gives her when she makes him his favorite meal. The Freecss’ family smile, Gon decides. That is what Alluka and him are anyway right? Family. 

“Okay, good.” Gon says, as they make their way back inside, arms wrapped around each other. And they go to spend all night building their home, with wood and brick, windows and no doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEHHEH I LOVE THEM!  
> see you next time! You can follow me on hxh blog @disastergaykillua! I also draw dumb stuff hehehe


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright first, I would like to say thanks to everyone who has kudos, commented bookmarked... You guys are the best thanks so much for your love and support!  
> Second, The next chapter is the last one, but this one is truly the ending. I really hope you all enjoy this one. Its one of my favorites.  
> I would like to say a special thank you to my friend @sunnysideblonde for always correcting my grammar and helping me grow as a writer, I love ya rosie!!  
> As always, Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!  
> TW for this chapter: self harm, brief and implied suicide mentions

**Killua- > to -> Fearsome Foursome**

> Killua: GUESS WHO PUNCHED SOMEONE TODAY AT BUCKSTARS 
> 
> Gon: STOPJSJDJDJJDD 
> 
> Leorio: gon i swear to god 
> 
> Gon: how did you even know it was me it could have been killua??? 
> 
> Gon: this is profiling 
> 
> Leorio: FIRST OF ALL KILLUA WOULDNT PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CAFE hed at least wait till you went outside
> 
> Leorio: SECOND OF ALL gon that is not what profiling means 
> 
> Killua: they deserved it honestly I will defend gon on this one I almost got to them first but gon beat me to it 
> 
> Gon: thank you 
> 
> Leorio: IM SORRY 
> 
> Kurapika: WHAT DID THEY DO WHO ARE THEY WHERE ARE THEY 
> 
> Killua: chill gon already punched them and I may or may not have spat at them and kicked them while they were on the ground 
> 
> Killua: anyway some girl was flirting with me and I was like no thanks and then gon said no thanks for me but then she asked for my number
> 
> Killua: and at that point i was really MAD and gon could Tell I was really mad so he was really mad 
> 
> Killua: but what i don’t get is 1) we were holding hands 2) I Am Clearly A Homosexual™ why would she flirt with me
> 
> Leorio: okay but how did gon end up punching her 
> 
> Killua: oh he didn’t punch her 
> 
> Gon: no killua yelled at her
> 
> Gon: that we were not interested and then shoved our hands in front of her face and then some guy came up to us and was giving us shit for being rude like yelling at us in the store 
> 
> Killua: yea then gon was like can you stop yelling at us and then he was like like what are you and your boyfriend gonna do if I don't and then he said I’ll punch you 
> 
> Killua: and then the guy said “a cute boy like you wouldn’t do that” which is creepy af but before I could do anything gon was like I DONT LIE and punched him in the face 
> 
> Gon: I am very cute. I will admit that :)
> 
> Gon: But just because I’m cute doesn’t mean I WONT THROW DOWN I WOULD GLADY BEAT ANYONES ASS IF PROVOKED JUST SAYING 
> 
> Gon: we should have pick pocked his keys and slashed his tires 
> 
> Killua: Only three though, if we do four tires the insurance will cover it. 
> 
> Leorio: why are you so violent 
> 
> Gon: HOW IS THAT VIOLENT
> 
> Killua: it’s like a solid 2 on the Zoldyck violence meter™ 
> 
> Kurapuka: The what now 
> 
> Leorio: HE JUST THREATENED TO BEAT ANYONE UP HOW IS THAT ONLY A TWO 
> 
> Killua: have you met my family 
> 
> Leorio: fair enough 
> 
> Gon: I’m just warning people who judge me based on appearance alone that I would in fact hurt them if they tried anything funny not really that violent 
> 
> Killua: I’m in love with you
> 
> Gon: KILLUASJDIEJS
> 
> Leorio: THATS VIOLENT?? 
> 
> Gon: how is killua saying he’s in love with me violent don’t be homophobic 
> 
> Leorio: NO WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE THY SJJDKDJDD 
> 
> Leorio: you need to talk to someone 
> 
> Kurapika: That seems pretty tame to me 
> 
> Gon: we are TALKING RN 
> 
> Leorio: SHUT UP KURAPIKA 
> 
> Leorio: ONE TIME I walked into you ironing your shirt and then you stopped, stared for like a minute and then picked up the iron, and aligned your hand and ALMOST IRONED YOUR HAND 
> 
> Leorio: IF I DIDNT WALK IN ON YOU AND STOP YOU YOUR HAND WOULD HAVE BEEN TOAST THIRD DEGREE BURNS GON 
> 
> Gon: I WAS CURIOUS
> 
> Leorio: ANOTHER TIME 
> 
> Leorio: I was taking you driving the other day and you just stared into the red light and said “I wanna slam my head into the steering wheel really hard right now” and then the light turned green AND YOU PRETENDED YOU DIDNT JUST SAY THAT AND KEPT DRIVING 
> 
> Gon: again that isn’t that bad
> 
> Leorio: FINE 
> 
> Leorio: ONE TIME WE WERE BUILDING A BIRD HOUSE AND YOU ASKED ME IF I EVER WANTED TO SHATTER MY ARM WITH A HAMMER AS YOU WERE HOLDINDG THE HAMMER and then I SAID no WHY and you didn’t say anything after that you just got up and went on a wholeass walk
> 
> Gon: LEORIO THAT WAS PERSONALLAKNJ
> 
> Killua: Gon are you okay 
> 
> Gon: what yea 
> 
> Leorio: BE HONEST 
> 
> Gon: I mean at the moment I am UNHAPPY BECAUSE SOMEONE VIOLATED MY TRUST but earlier I was doing so good 
> 
> Leorio: Okay but like in general 
> 
> Killua: yeah 
> 
> Gon: whatcha mean 
> 
> Gon: oh god I sound like killua when I said that
> 
> Killua: I- 
> 
> Killua: okay I was gonna say whatcha mean by that but that would just further prove your point and I know you are avoiding the question so answer it Gon or else 
> 
> Gon: or else what 
> 
> Leorio: GON JUST ANSWER IT WE ARE CONCERNED 
> 
> Killua: idk you can’t sit in my lap any more 
> 
> Gon: FINE if you’re gonna be like that 
> 
> Leorio: I- you let him sit on your lap killua 
> 
> Killua: where else is he gonna sit while I play video games 
> 
> Leorio: have you considered:LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE 
> 
> Killua: consider this: hes clingy 
> 
> Kurapika: Gon didn’t answer the question 
> 
> Kurapika: also hi sorry I was gone for a minute i was busy
> 
> Gon: busy doing what 
> 
> Kurapika: Shut up this isn’t about me answer the question 
> 
> Kurapika: Didn’t you hear you won’t be able to sit in Killua's lap if you don’t answer it? 
> 
> Gon: I’ll convince him to let me 
> 
> Killua: no you won’t 
> 
> Gon: idk why you guys want me to answer the question I’m literally just chilling and now I’m getting attacked 
> 
> Leorio: WE ARE ONLY ATTACKING YOU BWCAUSE YOU SAY CONCERNING THINGS 
> 
> Gon: I’m LITERALLY JUST CHILLIN 
> 
> Kurapika: ok I cant stay silent about this any longer 
> 
> Kurapika: literally like over two weeks ago I was texting you and you said you got an uncontrollable urge to fake your own death chop off all your hair in gas station bathroom with a rusty knife then escape to another country to start a new life and identity while living only off the land in isolation from the modern world
> 
> Gon: twas joking 
> 
> Kurapika: I WILL SEND A SCREENSHOT OF OUR CONVERSATION NO YOU WERENT I literally agreed with you and then you said you didn’t wanna make anyone sad so you’ll just settle for chopping off all your hair 
> 
> Gon: I- 
> 
> Gon: seriously stop telling everyone stuff I told you in private not cool kurapika 
> 
> Killua: what the hell does that even mean 
> 
> Leorio: so thats what that hair thing was about 
> 
> Killua: how am I ‘everyone’ all the sudden 
> 
> Gon: sorry that’s not what I meant I just don’t like it when you guys share stuff I didn’t even mean to let out in the first place 
> 
> Kurapika: No I think this is something we should talk about I’ve been thinking about it for a while so I will tell the people you care about most what you told me. We are family and we can help. 
> 
> Kurapika: a few days ago you told me you like to do intentionally dangerous stuff that will hurt you. 
> 
> Kurapika: then I told you to take care of your fucking arms because you had a huge gash on it from rollerblading and you said no then said you think you deserve it. 
> 
> Gon: kurapika what the fuck 
> 
> Gon: seriously why would you tell them that 
> 
> Kurapika: because you make me worry.
> 
> Killua: answer the earlier question. 
> 
> Leorio: yeah. 
> 
> Gon: hm
> 
> Gon: you guys aren’t even respecting my privacy 
> 
> Leorio: GON STOP IT WE JUST WANT TO KNOW IF YOURE OKAY 
> 
> Leorio: you keep all your emotions to yourself all the time it’s not good for you 
> 
> Killua: yeah 
> 
> Gon: I said it earlier I’m literally just chilling most of the time 
> 
> Gon: But since you guys are in my business all the time and need to know everything about me 24/7 so you can expose me on main without my permission 
> 
> Gon: I’ll admit sometimes I just wanna hit my arm with a hammer really hard or punch a wall with enough force to break all my fingers Or pour boiling water on myself idc as long as it hurts me Idk 
> 
> Gon: and yeah sometimes I wanna just walk into the ocean and drown but that's more rare
> 
> Gon: and like those moments are fleeting ok I can handle them I have had them for a long ass time and I haven’t hurt myself in a while so it doesn’t even matter cuz I can control those feelings better than I could before 
> 
> Gon: there. happy now???? 
> 
> Gon: Because now I'm not. 
> 
> Killua: are you still at biskys 
> 
> Gon: no I am taking a walk because you guys stressed me out since we are being honest now 
> 
> Killua: where are you 
> 
> Gon: idk by chicas and off fourth street 
> 
> Killua: Can you go hang out at chicas while I catch up to you. 
> 
> Gon: No offense killua. I love you so much. Like so much but can i please be alone right now 
> 
> Killua: oh yeah sure 
> 
> Leorio: gon… 
> 
> Gon: see you guys are acting all weird this is why I didn't say anything. Seriously its all good 
> 
> Kurapika: okay if you say so 
> 
> Kurapika: I am sorry I violated your trust 
> 
> Gon: honestly kurapika I’m really mad at you but you probably would have told leorio at some point and he’d make a bigger deal out of it so whatever it’s fine. 
> 
> Kurapika: Okay. 

* * *

**Leorio- > to -> Killua**

> Leorio: can you update me
> 
> Leorio: Im worried about you too btw 
> 
> Killua: yeah I will. 
> 
> Killua: I'm just mad at myself for not noticing earlier. I'll call ya later I think I might go over there anyways 
> 
> Leorio: yeah ok 
> 
> Leorio: even tho he said to give him space 
> 
> Killua: leorio Im kinda freaking out right now idk what to do. 
> 
> Killua: I should have noticed earlier but I DIDN'T
> 
> Killua: and I couldn’t do anything to help 
> 
> Leorio: do not beat yourself up about it. I didn’t notice either. And also you're only 16? You had to deal with so much shit growing up it isn’t your fault. Don’t even think about blaming yourself. 

* * *

**Kurapika- > to -> Killua**

> Kurapika: you better not go chase him. 
> 
> Killua: what 
> 
> Kurapika: you’re gonna make him feel worse
> 
> Kurapika: he’s gonna think you’re babying him and feel bad for him. 
> 
> Killua: Why do you say that like you know him more than I do. 
> 
> Kurapika: because I understand him more than you do, sometimes. Just specifically right now. 
> 
> Killua: You’re being meaner than usual. 
> 
> Kurapika: Listen killua, he is not your responsibility. He is old enough to take care of himself. You guys are dating, you're not his parent, you can't protect him from everything that is bad. 
> 
> Killua: I'm sorry what does that have to do with anything. I don’t treat him like a baby. I know I can’t protect him from everything, but I can still be there for him. 
> 
> Kurapika: I’m gonna go talk to him. I need to apologize in the first place. But also I know how he feels. And he probably feels upset and ashamed and doesn’t want you to see him right now. 
> 
> Killua: Fine. Do what you want. 
> 
> Kurapika: I will. 
> 
> Killua: For the record he takes care of me a lot too. 
> 
> Kurapika: I believe you. 
> 
> Kurapika: I know you love him but this is my mess that I started by bringing it up. I don’t want him to get hurt and I shouldn’t have upset him. I should have just talked to him myself. Instead I made everyone worry. 
> 
> Killua: It’s okay. I trust you. 
> 
> Kurapika: you're just gonna forgive me like that 
> 
> Killua: Idk i think everything happens for a reason. Maybe it’s good you brought this up. Maybe something bad would have happened further down the road if you didn’t. 
> 
> Kurapika: I don’t give you enough credit. 
> 
> Kurapika: i gotta go. 
> 
> Killua: Okay. 
> 
> Kurapika: okay. I’ll update you if Gon doesn’t. Bye. 
> 
> Killua: bye. 

* * *

**Killua - > to -> Leorio **

> Killua: I still feel awful leorio 
> 
> Leorio: Why? 
> 
> Killua: I don't know. Because he’s been dealing with those thoughts all alone. When we were right here. 
> 
> Leorio: We were right there, he could have asked. 
> 
> Killua: He would never ask for help. He never does. 
> 
> Leorio: That is true. 
> 
> Killua: I wake up at 5am and go work out. Sometimes Gon joins me, but most of the time he just does it later because he has school. 
> 
> Killua: I cant cook so he does it for me and Alluka. He makes us breakfast and then sometimes even lunch before he goes to school. 
> 
> Killua: I’ll do the dishes after because he doesn’t have time and then me and Alluka go help Bisky with her dojo. 
> 
> Killua: and Gon comes home and we do laundry or chores together. And it’s fun when we do it because everything is fun when we are together. 
> 
> Killua: and sometimes he brings me back little gifts when he comes back from school
> 
> Killua: one time Ikalgo and a few other of my friends were over and he had brought back cake just for me from Chicas. He opened the door and saw everyone. 
> 
> Killua: And he panicked and looked at everyone and the singular slice of cake he didn’t even intend to share with me and then ran out the door saying he’d go grab more. And he did.
> 
> Killua: whenever we get ice cream he orders more than he can have and always gets sick after having a little bit of it and tells me I have to finish it because he knows I’d just want more ice cream after I finished mine. And he acts like I didn’t catch onto it after the first two times. 
> 
> Killua: Leorio I love him so much. I don’t know what to do. This is like East Gretu again. not as bad obviously but because now we are together and it hurts worst. And I didn’t think it was possible but my feelings are stronger for him now than they were then. 
> 
> Leorio: I’m at biskys. Sorry I will read all of that now. Can you come let me in. So we can talk in person? 
> 
> Killua: yeah I’ll come open the door. 
> 
> Leorio: okay. 

* * *

**Killua- > to -> Kurapika **

> Killua: you’ve been out a long time 
> 
> Kurapika: Yeah we were setting up a therapy session. For both of us. 
> 
> Killua: oh. 
> 
> Kurapika: Don’t let him know you know yet. He said he would tell you. 
> 
> Kurapika: Leorio is with you? 
> 
> Killua: yeah 
> 
> Kurapika: can you tell leorio. 
> 
> Killua: yes. 
> 
> Kurapika: Thanks. 
> 
> Kurapika: Also, 
> 
> Kurapika: Gon and I are at the beach. We will be back tomorrow. 
> 
> Killua: oh okay. 
> 
> Kurapika: don’t worry. 
> 
> Killua: I can't. 
> 
> Kurapika: I am gonna go now. I’m sorry I was mean earlier. That wasn’t cool. I was projecting my own feelings onto you and gon and that wasn’t fair to you. I’m sure it hurt your feelings a lot and I’m sorry. 
> 
> Killua: Okay. I forgive you. Just don’t do it again
> 
> Kurapika: thank you killua 
> 
> Killua: stop thanking me I would have forgiven you even if you didn’t apologize 
> 
> Kurapika: oh 
> 
> Kurapika: you're a good person killua. I hope you know that. I’m gonna go now okay? 
> 
> Killua: i know. 
> 
> Killua: bye. 

* * *

Kurapika turns his phone off, chucking it in his bag, tossing it to his right. It sinks into the sand a little. He looks to the left. Gon is looking straight ahead, he had already forgiven Kurapika at Chica’s. He had forgiven him when Kurapika suggested an adventure. He had forgiven him when Kurapika almost crashed the car trying to merge on the highway. Kurapika looks to the ocean, closes his eyes and lets himself lay down. Maybe the sand will drift over him and bring him six feet under if he lays here long enough. He pushes away the cruel thought as his eyes shut. He has people to live for. People he’s gotta watch over now, people he needs to let watch over him.

Gon stares into the devouring darkness of the night, the endless indigo of the ocean. He thinks about how the ocean reminds him of Killua's eyes. He thinks that maybe the ocean reminds him of Killua. The crashing of the waves reminds him of how it feels when Killua calls out Gon’s name, when Killua’s voice rolls over him as he lays in bed beside him. Sometimes, Gon feels as though he is drowning in it, like an ocean. Gon sometimes feels so strongly, the ache in his chest is so gaping and bloody that whenever he looks at Killua he feels it will swallow him whole. Sometimes it scares him, because these feelings feel stronger than Gon. Like his feelings will overpower him, much like the ocean’s strength and vastness. Much like the ocean's ruthless current. 

But the ocean doesn’t love him, like Killua. The ocean doesn’t forgive him, like Killua. The ocean won’t stop when Gon’s lungs fill up and he feels like he's drowning, the ocean wont stop when he feels his body sinking. Gon thinks he’ll never sink when he’s with Killua. Never ever. 

Gon turns to look at Kurapika who is also deep in thought. He is lying down, his hair blending into the sand, his eyes closed. He too is listening peacefully to the sounds of the sea. 

“What are you thinking about?” Gon asks. He decided the silence had gone on long enough, he wants to know if Kurapika feels the same. 

Kurapika keeps his eyes closed. “My deceased clan. Leorio. You, Killua, Alluka and me.” He says softly. The words drift over both of them like the sea foam on the sand—it's there, then it's gone. 

“That’s a lot to think about.” Gon hums and turns back to the ocean, Kurapika stirs beside him. Kurapika sits up. 

“I think,” Kurapika looks into the ocean, “I am ready to be a better friend. A better lover. A better… More present person.”

“I think you are already a good friend. Lover, I can’t say. Present, I don’t know anything of that either.” Gon lets his eyes close as the ocean crashes loudly into his keen ears. The silence lays heavy, they feel it aching in their sleep deprived bones. 

“You really think therapy will work?” Kurapika ends the silence, Gon relishes in its death. 

Gon opens his eyes, and resumes staring ahead of him. “I don’t know. It’s worth a try. I’d rather try it than keep suffering alone because I’m too scared to say anything still.” He says.

Kurapika hums in agreement. He feels the same. Being scared together, admitting to it, as their shoulders touch, their body warmth being shared, the breeze petting their hair, it's nice. It fills Gon’s body with warm sunlight, as he sits here in the darkness of the summer night sky. The moon shines steady and soft through the few clouds, the ocean’s tide is higher today, its never ending waves pushing and pulling towards them. Gon loves the smell of the ocean, he loves the salty air that is pleasantly burning his nostrils. 

“I started dating Killua too soon. I wasn’t ready yet.” Gon speaks. He doesn’t really want Kurapika to answer, just wants to say his thoughts out loud, wants someone to listen. Kurapika understands. He waits his turn. He is listening intently.

“I don’t regret it. I love him. He loves me. I’m never scared of anything when I’m with him. We just go together, the two of us. It made too much sense to me.” Gon gazes into the ocean. The waves crashing loudly together as he breathes. They push together, crash into each other, then pull apart. Together, crash, apart. He breathes. “I’m gonna keep dating him. I don’t plan on stopping. Ever. Maybe I’m selfish that way. But I’d rather just fix every mistake and fill every single crack we make than end it because I’m scared that I’m not ready. I would rather do things the hard way than wait any longer. Because honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever know when I’m ready. And I’ll just be here waiting forever.” The silence that follows is heavy and foreboding.

“Gon.”

“Yeah what?”

“Are you aware of the art of kintsugi?” Kurapika digs his hand into the sand, feeling its course morsels swallow his hand whole. The sand, he notices, feels cold and damp on his skin. 

Gon thinks. “No.” He says. 

“It’s an art form where pottery that is broken gets put back together, and usually the pieces are mended with gold, or silver. So that way, the cracks are obvious. They’re important. It's meant to be beautiful.” 

“Ah,” Gon breathes, “so are you gonna say we are like that? Broken yet beautiful? Is that what you’re going to say, Kurapika?” Gon says this without anger, he says it with fear, softly into the breeze. Kurapika isn’t sure who ‘we’ is. Is ‘we’ Killua and Gon? is ‘we’ Gon and Kurapika? Or maybe ‘we’ is just people like them. 

“No. Just, your words made me think of it. I think it's nice to know something like that exists.” Kurapika says, Gon hums, Kurapika continues. “We aren’t made of glass. And we aren’t broken either. People don’t break.” 

“Some do.” Gon whispers. Remembering. 

“Well, we don’t.” An all encompassing statement.

“Yeah.” It's a breathy word, drawn out nice and long, comforting and open ended. It's an agreement, it's an acknowledgment. The silence that follows is loud, and long. It's comfortable. Kurapika wants to talk more, and he knows Gon wants to listen. 

“Gon, I'm going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone.” 

“Okay.” Gon turns to look at Kurapika, but Kurapika doesn’t take his eyes off the darkness of the ocean. The comfort of its vastness. Its cruel reminder that they are small. 

“Sometimes,” Kurapika closes his eyes for a long second. He opens them back to the ocean that never leaves, the waves that keep crashing. He needs to continue and speak his thoughts aloud to his friend, a member of his family, who is here beside him, who is here and alive. 

“Sometimes,” Kurapika starts again. “I feel like I’m dead alongside the rest of my people. The rest of the Kurta clan. Like I’m just dying everyday. Like their souls are pulling me underground so I can be with them sooner.” Kurapuka looks into the ocean. Its waves push and pull. “I think…” Kurapika stops momentarily to breathe out. “My nen resolve was a bad idea. At the time it was my only solace but now, even though I am not using it, I feel like it's killing me. And I no longer want to be dying.” The waves crash loudly. 

“Give me your hand.” Gon’s voice is loud and strong in the night, it throws Kurapika off after having heard him speak so softly. 

Kurapuka turns and looks at him, a bit confused. He forfeits his hand over, the back of his hand where his chains usually are. It looks odd without them. He wishes it didn’t, but it does. Kurapika wonders when it started to look that way. He doesn’t want his hands to look weird without a weapon anymore. 

Gon turns his hand over roughly, like he’s promising that he doesn’t think Kurapika is weak, like he’s reminding Kurapika that he is strong. Kurapika lets Gon move his hand so that his palm is facing up. Gon looks at Kurapika’s hand as he holds his wrist. 

“Make a fist.” Gon tells him. 

Kurapika makes a fist and releases it. 

“Now make another one.” 

Kurapika makes a fist and releases it.

“One last one. Make it good.” 

Kurapika makes a fist, he squeezes it tight enough that he can feel his blood stop. He releases it and feels the blood pulse back uncomfortably—a reminder that it's there beating, just for him to clench a fist. 

Gon looks up at him, no longer looking at Kurapika’s now pink and pulsing palm. 

“See? You’re not dead. You’re not dying yet. You can still make a fist.” Gon looks at him. Kurapika feels in awe as Gon continues to speak. “You’ll know you’re dying when you can no longer make a fist. You told me that.” 

Kurapika feels the ocean breeze bite at him hungrily, his hair whipping in the wind. His earring sways along with it. 

“I want to be like you sometimes, you know.” Kurapika blurts out, admitting his statement aloud once to himself and once to Gon. 

“I don’t know why you would.” Gon smiles crookedly at him. It’s a sad smile, one that doesn't reach his eyes. Kurapika smiles back similarly, despite not wanting to. 

“I don’t know, maybe because you keep trying. You and Killua want to be together, so you are together. You just said it yourself—you keep fixing all your mistakes because you’d rather stay with him now than wait. I think that makes you both mature. I think it makes you both strong.” Kurapika looks down at his body. “I want to be with Leorio.” He admits. “So bad, but I am scared of trying to be with him, because what if we end up failing? He worries about me, I worry about him, he calls me, and I don't answer half the time. But if I call him? He always answers. He is reliable like that. I can’t afford to lose him,” Kurapika breathes. “I love him too much. I don’t want him to get dragged into any mess I have, so I just keep us at this weird place. And it's not fair. To either of us, really.” 

Gon looks at him, Kurapika turning to follow. They stare at each other, openly now. Everything is laid out, everything is accepted. Because that's what their love is, unconditional. Even if Kurapika makes mistakes and doesn’t see him when he could have died. Even when Gon says things that always worry him to death. 

“What's the weird place you're at?” Gon asks. 

Kurapika wants to spare him, but this is a no-lying zone, a no-judgement zone, a let-it-all-out zone. 

“We have sex.” Kurapika says. Gon’s eyebrows raise, looking like he is waiting for Kurapika to say more. There really isn't more. “I call, or maybe he does. If I pick up, I almost always go over to his place, and we have sex. He tells me he loves me, and I ignore it even if I want to say it back, and I just fuck him through it. Then I kiss him goodnight and I usually wait for him to sleep, partly because I like watching his body drift off as he dreams, and partly because I don’t like him watching me leave.” Kurapika shakes his head in shame. “I’ve used every excuse in the book whenever he’d ask why I’d left, but it’s not like Leorio even believes them anyway. We don’t talk honestly enough. I need to be better at that.” Kurapika’s heart aches, and he thinks he can feel his chains wrap around it and squeeze—hard. 

“Hey.” Gon places a hand on Kurapika’s back, Kurapika looks up, his eyes are dry but burning. “At least you can have sex.” 

Kurapika laughs loudly at that. Gon is always trying to make everyone laugh, even when they aren’t supposed to. 

“At least you guys talk, I’d rather do that.” Kurapika says after his laughter dies down and he is left with just a smirk. He looks at Gon who is now drawing in the sand.

“I don't know, everyday I want it more… And I feel bad cuz I can tell Killua is the same. And that want, the want that we both share for each other—it terrifies me.” Gon continues to draw hearts in the sand with his pinkie.

Kurapika hums. He looks down, reaches over to one of Gon’s hearts and writes “K x G” in one. Gon looks at it and laughs. Kurapika laughs a little with him. 

“Just take your time. There's no rush for anything.” Kurapika says oddly, with confidence he was lacking earlier. 

“I could say the same to you.” Gon gives him a cheesy grin. Kurapika smiles and playfully shoves Gon, who shoves back harder. Which of course makes Kurapika shove back twice as hard, and then Gon shoves Kurapika hard enough that he flops sideways into the sand. His mouth wide open, Kurapika laughs so hard that he can feel the sand getting inside, gritty and gross. Gon flops sideways next to Kurapika and they continue to laugh together. Eventually Kurapika tries to spit out the sand in his mouth, which makes Gon laugh so hard he can’t breathe, the kind of laugh he does where no sound comes out, only wheezes. 

_Yeah_ , Kurapika thinks, _they’ll be alright._ But as he feels his own happy ribs grow tight, as he hears the waves continue to crash loudly over Gon’s own silent laughter, he decides he doesn’t just think they’ll be alright. He knows. 

  
  


* * *

**Gon- > to -> Killua **

> Gon: Okay first, I am safe. We are okay and I love you. I know you know all that, but I want you to tell you. Because you need to know that.You need to always know those three things.
> 
> Gon: I will be back tomorrow. And I will get better at everything. And I wont cry when you touch me there anymore and I will never run away from you again. But I wont get to that spot tomorrow. Not even next week. Maybe not even in a few months. I am not sure. All I know is that I want to become someone who isn't afraid of my own feelings, someone who doesn’t want to walk into the ocean. And I know I can not become that person alone. I’ll need help, from you and Leorio, and Kurapika and Alluka and Bisky, even my friends at school, and probably some trusted professionals. It’ll take time. I know that. But even still, while I try hard to get stronger, will you still stay by my side? Through all this? Will you be here with me? I know I am asking a lot of you, but I need to know. If you plan on staying with me. If you plan on continuing being my partner. 
> 
> Killua: I have never wanted anything more in my entire life than to be with you. 
> 
> Killua: I love you so much, and I want to help. I want to be the one who's next to you through your highs and lows. That is what love is. To me, at least. I know you are the same with me. I have watched you stay here with me through all my nightmares, my past and my bad habits. I want nothing more than for us to be side by side. 
> 
> Killua: So, yes. I will continue to be your partner. I never planned on stopping. 
> 
> Gon: Never? 
> 
> Killua: Never.
> 
> Killua: I know its a lot to take in and maybe its not the right time to say, but I might burst if I don't say it soon. 
> 
> Killua: I want to be with you forever. 
> 
> Killua: Can you Imagine that? Us together forever? 
> 
> Gon: I can not see my life any other way. 
> 
> Gon: that’s my biggest dream. Us together forever. 
> 
> Killua: me too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much!!  
> Next chapter is the epilogue! Look forward to that!  
> Thanks for reading all my angsty stuff, I have fluff in store for everyone coming up soon. I will elaborate next time!  
> @sunnysideblonde is writing a great killugon nascar au go check it out!  
> You can follow me at Disastergaykillua on tumblr! Or @lunartlu on insta!  
> XO <3


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can not believe this is the end. To think I almost didn’t start this, and then I kept staying up at like 3am with a brain that wouldn’t shut up about these boys, so here we are.   
> I am so so happy I was able to share my writing with you all I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing this, reading your comments, and showering in the love and support I was given.   
> Special thanks to @Sunnysideblonde for editing this after I asked her randomly one day. Thanks so much for everything Rosie! Especially for listening to me ramble about it and correcting my tragic and embarrassing spelling errors.   
> Thanks to everyone that commented, kudo’d, bookmarked, and to everyone who hung in there through all the angst I forced you to go through.  
> And as always, Thanks for reading and enjoy this last chapter.

**Leorio - > to -> Fearsome Foursome **

> Leorio: How was therapy today? 
> 
> Gon: isn’t there something against me telling you in like the hippocratic oath 
> 
> Leorio: Okay FIRST OF ALL I AM YOUR FRIEND NOT YOUR DOCTOR 
> 
> Leorio: SECOND OF ALL STOP SAYING THAT EVERYTIME AI ASK YOU 
> 
> Killua: that joke is getting old gon youve been using it like once a week since you started thats too many times
> 
> Killua: that's idk like 15 times too many
> 
> Gon: SHUT UP I STILL THINK ITS FUNNY
> 
> Killua: remember when you called it Hippocampus oath 
> 
> Kurapika: Ah yes the hippocampus oath...
> 
> Leorio: KAJUHAVHKS THAT STILL MAKES ME LAUGH
> 
> Gon: KIKI HOW DARE YOU REMIND ME OF MY OWN FAILURES
> 
> Killua: HSHSHSHAHHAHHA
> 
> Gon: I AM SURE THERE IS A THING CALLED HIPPOCAMPUS OATH SOMEWHERE
> 
> Leorio: As a doctor, I can confirm
> 
> Kurapika: Leorio you can be my doctor anyday baby 
> 
> Leorio: I TOLF YOU JUST BECAUSE WE ARE NOW DATING DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN SAY THAT IN THE GROUPCHAT STOP BEING HORNY ON MAIN 
> 
> Killua: heh you guys are gay 
> 
> Gon: killua. 
> 
> Killua: PUT THE PERIOD AWAY 
> 
> Gon: Killua! 
> 
> Killua: OH MY GOD NOT AN EXCLAMATION POINT WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT ???? 
> 
> Gon: Killua… 
> 
> Killua: NO NOT THE ELLIPSIS 
> 
> Killua: ANYTHING BUT THE ELLIPSES 
> 
> Leorio: WHY ARE YOU ALL SO WEIRD 
> 
> Kurapika: cuz we are air signs
> 
> Leorio: I HATE YOU none of us are air signs. And air signs aren’t even weird they just think they are, but they try too hard to be weird 
> 
> Kurapika: I don’t know what that means but okay. 
> 
> Gon: Hm sounds…. boring 
> 
> Gon: you guys + alluka are the only people I genuinely like and trust :D
> 
> Leorio: Thats kinda harsh no? 
> 
> Gon: Idk my therapist said to be more honest and in all honesty everyone else sucks <3 
> 
> Killua: even your friends at school 
> 
> Gon: valid point. You are right….
> 
> Killua: what about my friends
> 
> Gon: I like Ikalgo and that group. The dojo friends? eh...you know i don’t care for Ashley at all 
> 
> Leorio: UGH NO ONE LIKES HER SHE JUST HANGS OUT WITH YOU GUYS BECAUSE SHE HAS A THINH FOR ZUSHI WE ALL KNOW IT 
> 
> Gon: ZUSHI LIKES ALLUKA THO >:( 
> 
> Killua: UM DID HE TELL YOU? 
> 
> Killua: if so I will give him the most scary shovel talk known to man 
> 
> Leorio: remember when I tried to give you a shovel talk but youvtook like twenty respect points from me 
> 
> Killua: STOP TRYING TO USE THE REPSECY POINTS SCALE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THE POINTS WORK 
> 
> Kurapika: It’s cuz your scale is stupid. 
> 
> Kurapika: also I have very big news 
> 
> Gon: more important than me meddling with allukas love life? 
> 
> Kurapika: Barely. 
> 
> Leorio: Didnt alluka say that Steve from Minecraft was the only man for her. 
> 
> Kurapika: Awe alluka is our wittle token straight
> 
> Killua: <3 down with cishet <3
> 
> Lerorio: SHGSJSKS 
> 
> Killua: i hate Minecraft. 
> 
> Gon: I am breaking up with you if you don’t take that back this instant. 
> 
> Killua: Hm. No you won’t :-) 
> 
> Gon: ILL TELL ALLUKA 
> 
> Killua: GASP YOU WOULDNT
> 
> Kurapika: I will beat you both up if you make alluka cry because her big brother hates minecraft 
> 
> Killua: IT WOULDN'T MAKE HER CRY 
> 
> Kurapika: Idk kiki, you can never be too sure… 
> 
> Leorio: ugh you guys are weirdos 
> 
> Leorio: some things never change 
> 
> Kurapika: You know what never changes? 
> 
> Kurapika: YOU GUYS GOING ON TANGENTS LET ME TALK
> 
> Killua: No :)
> 
> Gon: EVERYONE SHUT UPPPP!!!!!! 
> 
> Gon: Okay you have the metaphorical talking stick Kurapika 
> 
> Kurapika: Thank you, Gon. 
> 
> Kurapika: SO,
> 
> Kurapika: I have been investing 
> 
> Leorio: uh huh?? 
> 
> Kurapika: In real estate…. 
> 
> Kurapika: For charity. 
> 
> Kurapika: To donate a house to a certain family so they don't have to drive forty minutes there and back to have dinner together. Or just to hang out. Or console one of us when we are crying. 
> 
> Leorio: DONT YOU DARE FUCKING TELL ME YOU BOUGHT A HOUSE IN YORK SHIN 
> 
> Leorio: DONT YOU DARE!!!!
> 
> Kurapika: I dare!
> 
> Kurapika: I bought a house in York Shin. 
> 
> Gon: Um kurapika you didn’t tell me you were rich? This knowledge could have been useful on so many different occasions 
> 
> Kurapika: BITCH WHO DO YOU THINK PAYS FOR OUR THERAPY NOT LEORIO 
> 
> Gon: AH kILLUS IS CRYINSGS MSSLSM S 
> 
> Gon: ugh now I am crying 
> 
> Kurapika: ARE YOU GUYS TEXTING IN THE SAME ROOM AGAIN 
> 
> Gon: uh duh 
> 
> Gon: Killua flipped you off btw ‘we do what we want’ -Kiki 
> 
> Kurapika: NOT UNDER MY ROOF YOU WONT 
> 
> Gon: GSHJKSJHSS
> 
> Kurapika: NO PHONES AT THE DINNER TABLE 
> 
> Leorio: KURAPIAJAgHJKNHSJKS S COME CONSOLE ME 
> 
> Kurapika: This is why we need to just live together. UGh we all have seperation anxiety from one another and it is getting out of hand quite frankly. 
> 
> Kurapika: Whatever I am on my way to your crib. I will pick everyone up to see the house, and the lease. 
> 
> Gon: Is there a backyard 
> 
> Kurapika: It is small but yes
> 
> Gon: Can I have a garden 
> 
> Kurapika: Fuck yeah just don’t rope me into helping you water the plants 
> 
> Gon: THERE IS WAY MORE TO GARDENING THAN WATERING PLANTS YOU IMBECILE 
> 
> Gon: you gotta check the ph levels of the soil and get the proper kind of dirt, and ideally, there should compost involved too but thats like a whole other thing
> 
> Leorio: OKAY NO GARDENING LESSON EVERYONE GET READY TO DIE WHILE KURAPIKA DRIVES 
> 
> Gon: kurapika please let leorio drive his van 
> 
> Leorio: My most beloved, Van-van 
> 
> Gon: KILLUA IS LAUGHING every time you call it that he laughs uncontrollably 
> 
> Kurapika: His van-van, my house-house ok 
> 
> Gon: OUR FAMILY-FAMILY
> 
> Kurapika: Gon that was so fucking cheesy. What are we suburban moms who go to church on sundays?? all of us have killed people 
> 
> Kurapika: I guess except Leorio
> 
> Gon: OUR CULT-CULT <3
> 
> Kurapika: that is better 
> 
> Leorio: NO!!!!! Ugh some things really never change huh 
> 
> Gon: you say that as we go to view our new home. Everything changes all the time its just slow so you don't notice it at first
> 
> Leorio: did your therapists tell you that 
> 
> Gon: HIPPOCRATIC OATH LEORIO DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU? And yea she did 
> 
> Leorio: GSYOSKL:JSS 
> 
> Leorio: Kurapika is here, I am on my way
> 
> Gon: Okay sounds good 
> 
> Gon: Killua said to stop texting and driving 
> 
> Leorio: see you soon :)
> 
> Gon: YEP see you soon

* * *

**Gon- > to -> Killua **

> Gon: I have terrible terrible news 
> 
> Killua: I’m on a run is this you being dramatic or is it actually bad 
> 
> Gon: actually really very bad 
> 
> Killua: so you're being dramatic 
> 
> Gon: SHUT UP THIS IS REALLY BAD 
> 
> Killua: uh huh 
> 
> Killua: can you wait like ten minutes 
> 
> Gon: no 
> 
> Gon: anyway 
> 
> Gon: 1) I haven’t grown a single centimeter in like three months i know because it says so on the wall we have the height lines 
> 
> Gon: 2) ALLUKA IS TALLER THAN ME 
> 
> Killua: WHAT FOR REAL 
> 
> Gon: YEAHHHH IM CRYING COME CONSOLE ME 
> 
> Killua: Oh my god stop being a baby
> 
> Gon: …..I am short….
> 
> Killua: good job admitting to it. Admitting is the first step towards acceptance. 
> 
> Gon: AHHHAA KILLUA 
> 
> Killua: Do not worry I still will love you even though I can fit you in my pocket 
> 
> Gon: YOU ARE NOT HELPING KEHSN
> 
> Killua: travel sized gon 
> 
> Gon: SHSSLSmSTOPPP
> 
> Killua: Do not worry I dont care if you grow horizontally or vertically I am a certified Gonsexual, size doesn’t matter :) <3
> 
> Gon: I- 
> 
> Gon: kHhnnnnnnnnn 
> 
> Gon: Alluka keeps ruffling my hair everytime she walks by me this is demeaning 
> 
> Killua: hahahaha 

  
  


> Killua: when I come back, will you be ready? 
> 
> Gon: yes. I am ready. 
> 
> Gon: ALSO please take a shower first I like how you smell but not after your runs. 
> 
> Killua: haha okay deal. 
> 
> Killua: Be back soon 
> 
> Gon: K i’ll be waiting very patiently
> 
> Killua: Yeah right

* * *

  
  
  


They are sitting in Gon’s room, on his bed. They are kissing. They are kissing everywhere. Killua wants to ask Gon for what he wants. For what they both want. Gon wants to answer Killua, and give it to him. So badly. Killua stops on Gon’s neck, Gon’s hands are tight in his hair. Killua looks at him. Gon’s eyes open, holding eye contact easily, intimately. Kilua is memorizing the pigments and hues that make up the colors of Gon’s iris and Gon’s heart is swelling as he watches Killua’s pupils dilate. 

Gon hand ends its tight grip on Killua’s hair, his fingers begin petting it softly, replacing his tight hold. Killua sighs at his tender touch. 

Gon hums back. “Killua, tell me, what do you want?” Gon says, looking into Killua’s eyes softly, lovingly, as they melt into each other. Killua is no longer afraid to ask his request. But maybe he can drag it out. 

“Tell me that there's no one else.” Killua says, his smile soft, his eyes lidded, his hands gripping Gon’s middle, his fingers rubbing at Gon’s ribs, his thumb pressing down firmly on warm tan skin. 

“There’s no one else, just you and me Killua, together forever like you said.” Gon is smiling happily, brushing Killua's shaggy bangs to the side as he places a kiss on Killua’s exposed forehead. His eyes are squinty—when Gon is older he is sure to get happy smile-wrinkles there.

Killua sighs, savoring the tender press of Gon’s lips on his temple. “Tell me that I make you feel good.” He says, his eyes closing contently.

Gon smiles as Killua tickles his ribs a little, closing his eyes at the sensation that is being left in his tummy. “You make me feel  _ so _ good. No one else makes me feel as good as I feel when I am with you.” 

Killua’s eyes twinkle as he watches Gon laugh at his light touches. The corners of his mouth are upturned so softly, so sweetly. “Tell me you love me.” Killua says. 

“I love you—oh, Killua, that sounds too small.” Gon’s hand stops its repetitive comforting motion in Killua’s hair, lacing his fingers through it instead. Killua looks at him confused. “I live for you.” Gon declares. Killua’s eyes go glossy and wide. 

“Gon.” He warns. 

Gon continues. “What? I do. I think about you when I wake up. I think about you when I go to bed, I dream about you in my sleep…”

“Gon.” Killua kisses him on the corner of his mouth. Their foreheads touch together. Killua’s eyebrows furrow with his intensity of their shared love.

“Let me take care of you, please, that’s all I want to do.” Killua requests of Gon. His heart is aching. 

Gon closes his eyes as Killua’s words roll over him, their foreheads still leaning on each other. His eyes open when Killua finishes, they stare into each other. “Okay. Only if you let me do that same.” This is Gon’s only condition. 

“I think I can allow that.” Killua breathes in their shared air. They smile at that. 

Their hands drift apart, away from one another, they go back to themselves. 

Killua’s hand falls. He breathes for a long minute. Then he grabs the towel he brought and he sits up closer to Gon, who is laying down now, naked and panting.

“Can I clean you?”  _ Can I take care of you?  _ lingers in Killua’s question. Killua looks at Gon who can’t speak now. He nods breathlessly. 

Killua drags the cloth over their sensitive skin. He cleans them both up and tosses the rag on the ground as he lays down next to Gon, pressing together on his twin bed that's far too small for boys their size. 

Killua lays his head right beside Gon’s on Gon's pillow; Gon turns his head to him, their noses brushing each other, it tickles. They smile at the sensation together, neither of them wanting to move. Their breath mingles together. They breathe together, and this time Killua is sure their hearts are beating in sync. Gon looks at him and his eyes are happy, melting dark brown. Like honey, wet and sweet. “Tell me a secret Killua.” He whispers. Killua smiles. Gon moves his hand and begins to trace his fingers along Killua lightly, dragging his fingers up and down his strong arm, like his finger tips are placing little kisses along it. 

Killua has never felt this warm. This safe. This bone achey, this gooey, this in love.

Killua stares into Gon’s eyes as he melts into the sheets. “Sometimes when I’m in bed I press my hand to the wall and I think maybe you are doing the same. And our hands can be separated by only a foot of wood and concrete. And maybe I can feel your warmth linger through it. I could let it sink into me.”

Gon looks like he just heard the best news of his life. “I do that too.” 

Killua feels the same, best news of his life.“You do that? You press your hand to the wall?” 

“Yes,” Gon breathes. Killua feels it in his own lungs. “I do it too. Sometimes at night, I miss you, and I feel like something is missing in my chest and I press one hand to the wall and one on my chest and think you’re just in there sleeping right next to me, and that maybe our heart beats are synced up, like they beat the same rhythm.” Gon’s eyes shut blissfully. He continues, “I made that up when we started dating—thought it was just me. I’m happy—I’m so happy you do it too.” His eyes open back up, soft and burning warmly. 

Killua can do nothing but stare into the blindness that is the warm light in Gon’s eyes, that is the light sparkling in his happy tears. Killua feels his own eyes become dewy and wet. “I adore you.” Killua says, before he can stop his mouth from moving, from saying the truth. “Gon. I love how your brain works. I love the things you think.” 

“And I love the thoughts in your head, Killua.” They laugh. Who are Killua and Gon if they aren’t laughing together like always? 

They bask in the glow and warmth of their shared laughter, they bask in the glow of their hearts pumping blood, their bodies pressed together, they simply exist together in this moment—in every moment. Together in their own little world where they speak a different language no one else understands but them. It's early morning still. It's mid October now. The autumn sun is slow rising, their world glows and softens in its new pink light. Closing their eyes, they will sleep when everyone wakes. They begin to drift to sleep, falling into their dreams. Killua wonders if maybe they will see each other when they dream. 

“We will.” Gon whispers. 

“I didn’t say anything.” Killua says. 

“You were thinking so loudly I heard it.” 

“That doesn't make sense.” Killua laughs sleepily, Gon laughs with him. 

“Lets fall asleep together.” Gon says happily, his laughter now a sickeningly sweet aftertaste left on his tongue. Killua wraps their hands together, his eyes shut softly with cozy and delightful sleep weighing them down. 

“Yes, let’s fall.” Are Killua’s last words, whispered easily and light, Gon relishes in the way the words roll over him. Killua’s words, his voice, sound just like the comforting glow of the rising sun to Gon’s ears, they sound like the comforting sound of the never ending crashing of the ocean waves. The sea foam meets the sand, like Kilua’s sleepy words, it is there, and then it is gone, leaving a trace of what was. Killua’s words become beautiful even breaths, and as they drift into their dream together, Gon swears he can feel Killua falling next to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be the end of this fic, but I plan on writing a few one shots for this time line I created. Hence the series. Expect a future Killugon marriage fic in the near future, as well as fanart I commissioned for the scene in the previous chapter.   
> Its been an absolute pleasure, I hope you all have wonderful dreams, and enjoyed this epilogue.   
> You can follow me on my tumblr @disastergaykillua or on Instagram @lunartlu. <3

**Author's Note:**

> There will be lots of mention of dreams, pay attention to that throughout this fic. Dreams are important as they help explain our subconscious mind which, has a lot to do with our own internalized trauma.
> 
> A raccoon in your dream can mean "You are hiding something from other people. This dream may be warning you to be more honest with the people you love."  
> A bear in your dream can symbolize "our strength, power and independence. Knowing that bears are wild animals, they may be also a symbol of some untamed habits of a dreamer."
> 
> Lyrics that inspired the title/end of chapter texts:  
> "Sometimes when I'm falling in my dreams  
> I can feel you falling next to me  
> I guess we're going everywhere together" --from "Rainy girl" by Andrew McMahon <3


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